Balancing the work of ministry

I sometimes like to tell people that pastors are invisible six days a week and incomprehensible on the seventh. It usually gets a laugh, but it does point out something very real about pastoral ministry. Many people do not know what we do, and this makes it very easy for a pastor to fall into two errors.

One is pastors can become rather lazy. As a resource minister with our judicatory I once had a pastor who played golf 4-5 days a week. He couldn't understand why people in the church had a problem with that. I finally told him one day that he needed to decide if God had called him into ministry or if he should get his PGA pro card. He left that church in less than a year and took a position as an associate pastor in another church. At a seminar one day his senior pastor confided to me that he could not get that young man to do anything without being told. I told him his associate was like an old Harley-Davidson. You had to kick start him to get him going.

This young man is an extreme example, but it is easy to let pastoral duties slide. Most of the time people do not know where you are or what you are doing. They assume you are ministering somewhere to someone, but nobody really knows. This can be true for those of us who have been in ministry for some time. The old sermon barrel can look pretty comforting even though those old sermons may not really be applicable today for your church. Some of those old messages can be repeated, and some of them probably shouldn't have been preached in the first place, but using them saves a lot of time in preparing a new message.

The other extreme are those pastors who work too much. A fully-funded pastor can easily work 50-60 hours a week, and some work more than that. Once you exceed that 50 hour mark you are probably sacrificing time that should be spent elsewhere...like maybe with your family. I realize that some weeks may require more hours than that. There are unexpected events such as hospitalizations and funerals that can take more time in a given week, but when pastors regularly schedule too many hours on their calendar, there is a problem.

When I served as a pastor I scheduled family time on my calendar. A date night with my wife was a weekly occurrence, and it was written on my calendar. If someone wanted me to do something during that time I told them I already had an appointment for then. There was never a problem. If a true emergency came up, then we would reschedule the date, but this seldom happened. I had set times for reading and sermon preparation, and I tried to protect those times from those who just wanted to see the pastor for a few minutes. (Have you ever noticed that people who have nothing to do want to do it with you?)

Every pastor needs to find a balance in his or her ministry. We have been called by God to an exciting, fulfilling task, but it is not a task that should consume our every waking minute. Even Jesus took time to go off by Himself and rest and pray. Many pastors could have avoided burnout if they had just created more balance in their lives and ministries.

The pastor's family

When I began my pastoral ministry in 1981 I met with an older pastor in our association. He was telling me about some of his experiences in ministry. One that he struggled with was his relationship with his family. He said his children seldom came to see him because he had ignored them so much while doing ministry. He further admitted that his wife nearly had a nervous breakdown, and he wasn't even aware of it until later. His pastoral work took precedence over his family.

Sometime later I was sitting before an ordination council. This pastor was on that council. A question was asked about my ministry/family priorities, and I explained that my family would come first. He challenged that comment which was confusing to me. He had admitted several months earlier the decisions he had made concerning his family and the negative impact they had on his relationship with his family, and now he is suggesting I should make the same decisions!

Years ago pastors were often told by denominational leaders and others to focus on your ministry, and God would take care of your family. IMHO, that is one of the dumbest things I ever heard. Scripture is clear that if one does not provide for his family he is worse than an infidel. Nothing in that passage says anything about pastors being excluded.

Your church has probably had many pastors before you, and if the Lord tarries, it will likely have many pastors after you. But, you are the only husband or wife your spouse has. You are the only father or mother your children have. You have an obligation before God to meet the needs of your family. One statement I have often made to pastor groups and to churches is that I will not sacrifice my family on the altar of ministerial success.

Part of this is that I have never placed expectations on members of my family because I was a minister. When my kids were growing up I told them that they did not have behave a certain way because I was a pastor; they should do the right thing because it was the right thing. When one church commented that my wife would be the head of the church's mission circle, I told them she would not. My wife prefers to not be in leadership roles, and part of my responsibility is to protect her from the expectations of others. She is free to serve, or not to serve, in any area of church life she wants.

Churches can place unrealistic expectations on the families of their pastors. We cannot allow that to happen. When beginning a new ministry, the minister needs to make it very clear to the church the roles his or her family will play in the church. 

Would I be a bivocational pastor again?

I'm now at the age where people often reflect over the decisions they made throughout their lives. One of the things I've thought about in recent days is the question of bivocational ministry. I have spent my life serving churches and our region in a bivocational capacity. I've published books on bivocational ministry and spoken to dozens of pastor groups across the US and Canada on bivocational and small church ministry. But, would I serve as a bivocational pastor again if I was starting over in ministry? The answer is yes.

Bivocational ministry is not better or worse than fully-funded ministry. It is just a different way of doing ministry that meets the needs of a specific church. Serving as a bivocational minister has allowed me to serve a church that could not afford a fully-funded minister. It allowed me access into people's lives because they saw me not only as a minister but also as a factory worker, a business owner, someone who shared similar experiences that they had. Working in the factory let me see how challenging it was to be laid off and scramble to find other employment. As a business owner I learned about the pressure to meet payroll when business was slow. I found it easier to relate to people because I had shared in their struggles at different points in my life.

The church I served had been stagnant for a long time with a series of student pastors from a nearby seminary. When I became pastor there the average pastoral tenure was 12 months. I stayed 20 years which I may not have been able to do if I was not bivocational. One of the joys of my life was seeing that church accomplish far more than many would have thought possible. Not having to seek new pastoral leadership every year freed up the people to do ministry.

There have also been a lot of personal benefits to being bivocational. I never worried too much about church politics. If the church fired me, I would go to my other job the next day, our family would still eat and have a roof over their heads. I've known too many fully-funded pastors who are fearful of church controllers and the impact upsetting one of them could have on their families. I never experienced that.

My family did not have to worry about being uprooted if I accepted another church, Because bivocational ministry tends to be fairly local, it wasn't likely that I would be moving across the country. That was especially comforting to our children when they were in school. I know at least one of them was concerned about that when he entered high school. I was able to relieve his worry by committing to him that I would not move as long as he was in high school. That might have been a dangerous promise to make if I was fully-funded.

There were many more benefits to both me and the church I served, but this is enough for this post. The answer to my question is a very emphatic yes, I would serve again as a bivocational minister if I had it all to do over again.

Recent trip

 Last week my wife and I flew to Austin, Texas to spend time with our son and his youngest son. His other two children are on the east coast and would not be there at the time of our visit. We typically only see him a couple of times a year so we were eager for the visit. I was a little apprehensive because the past two years we've had flight issues due to weather causing delays and cancellations. I'm happy to that was not the case this year. We had zero travel issues and very good flights.

Family is always important, but especially so during holidays. For most of us, holidays such as Christmas are times filled with joy and excitement. That is not always the case for others, especially if they have lost loved ones since the last holiday. For those individuals, the holiday season can be a time of painful memories, and the sense of separation from those loved ones increases. It's very important that we do not forget those individuals and to make sure we give them extra attention during the holiday season.

The holiday season can also be a difficult time for families that are in conflict with one another. Family gatherings can be stressful with everyone walking on eggshells. Life is too short for such conflicts to remain. Jesus taught us to forgive, and this is especially true when there are family issues. As a pastor and an auctioneer I have seen families fight over the most minor things with neither side willing to give. That's a hard way to live. Especially Christians should be quick to forgive. If there are issues within your family, reach out and try to find peace during this Christmas season.

Traditions

 I can't remember when we first watched The Grinch on television. It may have been in 1966 when it first came out. I do remember my wife and I sitting in a motel room around 1968 watching it on the TV. I was in the Navy and could not come home for Christmas. She flew out to California for a week to spend Christmas with me, and we watched the Christmas specials together. We've never failed to watch The Grinch since then. When it came on the other night our daughter called to make sure we knew it was on so we quickly changed the channel to watch it.

At one point I mentioned to my wife that there was one scene that used to be the spot for the commercial break, but they had taken the commercial break a little sooner. Another point in the show I noticed that one scene had been cut out. We laughed at how we had watched this show so many times we recognized the small changes between this presentation and previous ones.

We are thankful for the traditions that our family has developed over the years. Those traditions are special only to our family, but they serve to remind us of the years we've spent together. Traditions become glue that binds a family together. They are the memories one has of the past that brings a smile to the face and become the stories that are told when a loved one passes.

My wife's family had a tradition on Thanksgiving morning. The men in her family went rabbit hunting on her father's farm. That tradition is no more. I am the only one still alive from that tradition, but I can assure you that early on this past Thanksgiving morning I thought about those mornings we would all gather for our annual hunt. It brought back a lot of happy memories.

I hope your family has some traditions that you observe on a regular basis. Even the ones that seem rather insignificant can result in some great memories and become part of your legacy. While some traditions will change over time, new ones can be created to take their place.

One tradition that every family needs is to attend church regularly. While Christmas specials and rabbit hunts can become wonderful traditions, nothing will impact your family's life more than being involved in your local church. A loving congregation committed to a relationship with Jesus Christ and to one another will be a source of comfort and transformation.

If attending and being involved in a church is not part of your family's traditions, I encourage you to consider making it so in the coming year.

Where did we lose Thanksgiving?

 Many of the houses on our street are decorated for Halloween. Some have much more elaborate decorations than they put up for Christmas. This weekend hundreds of children will walk down our street asking for treats. Some will be wearing cute costumes while others will try to look as scary as possible. I don't know if it's possible, but I think Halloween has become even more commercialized than Christmas. But, we don't hear much about Thanksgiving.

Yes, families still may gather for a big dinner and watch football games between naps, but there's not much emphasis given to Thanksgiving. Many stores begin putting out their Christmas decorations for sale about the same time as they promote their Halloween items, but try to find a section dedicated to Thanksgiving. Unless you're looking in the meat department at the frozen turkeys you won't find many items for Thanksgiving. I wonder where we lost Thanksgiving.

I think it reflects the general lack of thanksgiving that people have today. We spend more time complaining about things than we spend expressing our gratitude. We have become a very selfish, self-centered society that believes we are entitled to more than we have. Our greed for more keeps us from being grateful for what we do have.

The apostle Paul said he had learned to be content in whatever state he was in. That's something many of us have not learned. It's also important to note that it was something he learned. I'm not sure that gratitude is something that is natural to many people. We need to learn to be grateful, and we need to learn to express that gratitude to God and to others.

I'm 73 years old and in mostly good health. My wife and I have been married for 55 years. Our children and grandchildren are healthy. We have food to eat, a roof over our heads, and a God Who loves us more than we can ever imagine. I am thankful for each of these things. Each Sunday I gather to worship to express that gratitude to God. I try as often as possible to make sure my family knows how much they mean to me and how grateful I am that we are a family.

Even though we are still almost a month away from Thanksgiving I encourage you to begin thinking about the things in your life for which you are thankful. You may want to make a list and share it with family and loved ones as you gather around the Thanksgiving table.

The family of God

Churches will sometimes sing "The Family of God," a great little song that reminds us that we are part of one family. Smaller churches are often referred to as family churches, partly because they are often made up of mostly a few families and because of the closeness of the people in that church. The concept of a church being a family is a good one but only if it truly is a family.

Who is welcome into your church family? Is there room for the single person or does your church emphasize family so much that the single is sometimes made to feel incomplete unless he or she marries? Is there room for the drug addict or alcoholic who is struggling with the addiction? Is there room for the person who is same-sex attracted and trying hard to understand his or her feelings? Is there room for the single parent whose every day life is often a struggle?  Is there room for those dealing with mental illness or battling other demons we know nothing about? Is there room for a person of a race different than the majority of your church?

Virtually everyone seeks intimacy in their lives. They want a place where people know their name. I've often said that the church should be like Cheers, the bar where whose theme was "Sometimes you want to go, Where everybody knows your name, And they're always glad you came." The church should be that place, but sometimes it's not.

We hear churches talk about being the friendliest church in town, but in my experience that isn't always the case. Too often, churches are friendly to those already inside, but they can be quite distant and even cold to the visitor or to those who don't seem to be like the "rest of us." People who are somehow perceived as different  can get the message that they aren't really welcomed. That should not happen.

In biblical times the Jews avoided those who were not Jews. The Temple had a Court of the Gentiles where non-Jews were free to come and do business, but they were not allowed in the Temple proper as it was reserved for Jews. In fact, there was a sign outside the Temple that warned of death to any Gentile who dared enter. Jews despised Samaritans even more than Gentiles. These half-Jew, half-Gentile people were an abomination to Jews. That is why the disciples were so shocked when they saw Jesus talking with a Samaritan women, but they were not as surprised as she was that He was willing to talk with her.

Awhile back I shared the story of my being interviewed by a pastor search committee who voiced near the end of the interview that I was the person they wanted to present to the congregation for their next pastor. That is, until I told them my daughter was married to a Black man and asked if they would be welcome to attend church there when they came to visit us. Obviously, he would not be welcome, and they told me they would be getting back to me. I never heard from them again.

To the extent that we allow anyone to be excluded from the family of God we do not understand the meaning of family. Whether it is as blatant as that pastor search committee or in more subtle ways, if we communicate to people that they are not welcome, we are not the church God called us to be. Truly welcoming people into the family doesn't mean that we agree with their choices they have made in their lives. It does mean that we care about them as people for whom Christ gave His life, just as He did for us, and that we want to share our journey with them.

The next time your church talks about being a family, be sure everyone is welcome to be a part of it.

The consequences of our choices

One of the privileges we have living in America is that we have the freedom to make choices about how we live our lives. We are free to marry the person we want to marry. We are free to do with our money what we want (after taxes of course). We can choose  the types of careers we want, where we want to live, and how we relate to other people. What we cannot do is avoid the consequences of those choices, and every choice does have consequences.

During my seven decades I have observed a lot of successful people. I realize there are many ways to define success, but I am talking about people who are genuinely happy, enjoy good relationships with other people, are financially secure, have an enjoyable career and seem to enjoy life. They may not have the biggest house in the city or drive the fanciest car or have the perfect body or wealth beyond compare, but I don't consider these things to be true measures of success anyway.
I have also observed a lot of people who are very frustrated with life. They are always broke, their marriages are struggling as are their children. They hate their jobs, where they live and pretty much everything about their lives.

The difference between the two groups of people is often very easy to spot. Those who are successful have taken responsibility for their lives. Many successful people I know have had to overcome difficult odds. They may not have been raised in the best of circumstances or received the best education. They often worked minimum wage jobs to support themselves and their families, but they found ways to advance their careers. They would do whatever it took to overcome the challenges the past may have held for them because they were determined that they would not let the past determine their future.

Those who are not very happy with their lives also made choices. Many of them chose to be "perpetual victims." They always have someone or something else to blame for their problems. They complain they never had a chance; the deck is stacked against them; the little man never gets ahead. Nothing is ever their fault. They refuse to ever accept responsibility for their current circumstances.
Both groups of people made a choice. One group chose to take responsibility for their lives; the other group chose to blame others for their problems. Consequences followed each choice.

Of course, one of the primary choices we each have to make is whether or not we will accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior of our lives. In this case, there is no choosing not to choose. Anyone who makes that choice has chosen to turn away from God. I urge each of you who reads this, if you've never invited Christ into your life, do so today. You will find that it is the greatest decision you will ever make!

No matter where you are today in your life, it can get better. If your life is good, it can become great. If your life isn't what you wish it was, it can improve. You just have to make the changes necessary for it to get better. The choice is yours.

The story about the coronavirus that is not being told

Every night the news stations focus on the numbers of people identified as having the coronavirus and the number of deaths that have resulted from the disease. It has been labeled a worldwide pandemic. Millions of people have lost their jobs as businesses have been closed. Stay-at-home orders have been issued across the US and around the world. But, there is one aspect of this situation that has received little notice. The number of domestic violence cases has dramatically risen.

The NY Times reported that domestic violence cases have increased by 18 percent in Spain, and there has been a 30% increase in France since the coronavirus pandemic began. Another report claims that China saw their domestic violence reports triple in February. Across the US most states are reporting higher than usual numbers as well. We must remember that these are only reported cases; much domestic abuse never gets reported.

Those who deal with domestic violence are not surprised by these higher numbers. Any time, such as holidays, when families are together more than normal there are more reports of domestic violence. They say governments should have expected this when they began mandating that people stay at home and prepared for it. Unfortunately, like the coronavirus itself, most government agencies were not prepared for spikes in domestic violence cases.

A young woman who is a Facebook friend of mine is home from college. Yesterday, she put on her page a post telling people that if they are dealing with domestic abuse they should text or message her asking about her yellow cat. If she receives a message like that she will stay in regular contact with the person to ensure things are OK. If the person asks about how her black cat is doing, she will immediately call the police.

Many of you are checking on your neighbors, friends and persons within your congregation to make sure they are doing OK in the midst of this health crisis. If you know people who might be dealing with domestic abuse I encourage you to check on them as well. You may consider creating some type of code like my friend did to give people a way to safely contact you and ask for help.

Wonderful vacation

I've been off the grid for the past couple of weeks while my wife and I vacationed in Panama City Beach. Unlike some folks, I don't publish when I'm away from my house for extended times. I figure thieves get a lot of information from social media so I don't write anything about being away until I return home. However, I can now report that this vacation was great!

For one thing, we were away a full two weeks. We've had many one week vacations and a couple of 10 days, but this is the first time we spent an entire two weeks on vacation. It turned out to be very restful. Secondly, the weather was amazing. Not a drop of rain until the day we returned home (yesterday). Sunny skies and every day in the 80s and 90s.  It felt great until we got home yesterday evening in 50 degree weather.

Every day we either swam in the ocean or in one of the 11 pools in the condo complex in which we stayed. Most days we swam in both. The ocean was about a 3 minute golf cart ride from the condo so we went down there early many mornings just to watch the waves and the dolphins and then returned several evenings to watch the sunset.

We've made several trips to PCB, but this is the first time we've seen eagles flying over head. We saw two. A story in the local paper told about one man who took a picture of five of them flying over his home. Speaking of seeing things fly over, on two nights we watched the space station fly over. One night it was in view for six minutes and the next night we could see it for four minutes. I'm always fascinated watching it fly over knowing how high it is above the earth and how fast it is moving.

Although we ate several of our meals in the condo we had our fair share of fresh seafood meals in some of our favorite restaurants at PCB. Blackened grouper continues to be my favorite.

I did manage to get in some reading while there. I either finished reading or read Beyond the Ordinary: Spirituality for Church Leaders, Cash: The Autobiography of Johnny Cash, Crashing without Burning: Life After Failure, Merle Haggard: An Autobiography, and Winning with People by John Maxwell.

The condo we stayed in is being rented by our daughter and her family for a couple of months which means we spent time with her and three of our grandkids. That meant everything we did got to be shared with them which further means we got to make some great memories as a family.

Of course, the absolute best part of our time there was that we celebrated our 53rd anniversary. For many years we've gone to PCB to celebrate our anniversary, and every year it's better than before. I consider myself a very fortunate individual that Faye chose to say yes when I asked her to marry me.

I hope you found time to get away this year. If not, please set aside time on your calendar to do so next year. I've found that if you don't schedule such times, they often won't happen. You need time away from your church and/or your job. You'll find you'll return more energized and excited about what you do, and you'll make great memories that will last a lifetime.

How parents can raise healthy, happy children

There is no question that children and young people have it tough today. They face many more temptations and challenges than most of us ever knew when we were growing up. Many never get to know a real childhood as they are forced to grow up much too fast. When I was a pastor I often told our church that our number one priority as a church was to reach people for Jesus Christ and our second priority had to be to help families thrive in today's culture. I still believe that. There is no other organization than the church that has the tools that can help children survive these difficult growing-up years. How can we help parents ensure their children grow up to be healthy and happy individuals?

In his book What Americans Really Want...Really: The Truth About Our Hopes, Dreams, and Fears Frank Luntz offers six parental behaviors that can help raise such children.

1. Have dinner with your children. I have read that the average amount of time parents spend in meaningful conversation with their children is 3 1/2 minutes a WEEK. Sitting down to eat dinner with our children sends a message that they are important to us and gives parents an opportunity to actually talk with their children. This means no phones and no interruptions. Family dinners may be a thing of the past, but they do not have to be, and they are important for raising healthy children.
2. Take your child to church every Sunday. Church attendance keeps dwindling while cultural problems keeps increasing. I think there is a connection. Don't take your child to church and drop him or her off while you do something else. Attend services with your child so they know that your faith is important to you. 
3. Check your child's homework every night. This demonstrates that you believe their school work is important, and it helps you spot early on if there are problems. It also allows more time for conversation, especially about things going on at school.
4. Demand the truth from your children. When your children are going out you should know where they are going, who is going with them and what they are going to be doing. Don't be afraid to set boundaries about acceptable behaviors and those they associate with. Never tolerate deceit from your children. 
5. Take your children on vacation at least one week every year. They need a break from the normal lives they are living, and this gives you more time with them. Create special memories that will outlive you.
6. Encourage them to participate in a team sport. When playing team sports they learn they are responsible to other people. It also gives them exercise and gets them away from video games, social media and other things that consume so much of children's time today.

Each year when I pastored a church I preached a series of sermons on family life between Mother's Day and Father's Day. It was a way to emphasize the importance of the family and a way to present biblical teaching on family life. With so many trying to tear apart the traditional family, the church needs to rise up in support of the family. Because children are so vulnerable we need to especially focus on their needs and challenges.

Another adventure

This past week my wife and I traveled to Cary, NC where our grandson was invited to try out for the 12U USA baseball team. After going through two rounds of tryouts in Texas he was selected to come to the USA complex in NC to compete for their developmental program. Twelve teams of players from across the country competed for the chance to be selected for this program. We do not know when the final selections will be made.

On the first day the young men did skills testing. The remaining three days involved playing in a tournament so each one could be evaluated. Staff went from field to field with radar guns, timers and clip boards recording as much as they could of each player's abilities. We saw some great players so their final decisions will not be easy.

It was the first time we had been in NC other than just driving through. It is a beautiful area. Spending the days watching baseball and being with our son and grandson made it even better.

Things took a different turn as we were driving home Sunday. A warning came on the car saying I had a low tire. We were about 10 miles from Princeton, WV so I slowed down and kept driving. When we got to Princeton I pulled into a gas station to check the tire. It was flat. I put air in it, but I could hear it coming out almost as fast as it was going in. A Wal-Mart was nearby so we drove there, but their auto center was closed for the day. By the time we drove back across the road to a motel the tire was flat again. We spent the night.

The next morning I called AAA to come and replace the tire with our donut and went back to Wal-Mart. After being there for almost an hour I was told they did not have that size tire in stock and repairing it would be iffy due to the location of the hole. I drove to another tire shop, and we waited there two hours for them to replace the tire. I guess when you're traveling the interstate you should make appointments with tire repair shops where you think you might have a flat. But, we eventually left and made it home without further problems.

Despite the incident with the tire, it was a great time away. We don't see our son and his family enough, especially since they moved to Texas, so it was great to spend time with them. We saw a part of the country we had not previously seen and got to watch some great baseball. I keep thanking God for these opportunities.

Life is more than things

In Luke 12 we read of a man who approached Jesus wanting him to force his brother to divide the family inheritance with him. Jesus responded that "one's life does not consist in the abundance of things he possesses," and went on to tell a parable of a man who had acquired much in life and wanted to enjoy the abundance of his possessions. In the parable God said to the man that night he would die and asked who would then own those possessions.

As regular readers of this blog know, I enjoy going to auctions and I conduct auctions. They are a fun way to spend time and occasionally find a treasure. Unfortunately, some auctions are not that much fun, and that is when families are there to fight over the things being sold.

I once attended an auction in Kentucky that consisted of a large estate. It was obvious that family members were bidding on some of the items they wanted to keep which is not uncommon in an estate sale. One piece that was evidently a battle between two family members was over a small child's chair. It was just a common child's chair that might bring $5.00 at most auctions. Two men, who I assume  were related, were determined to own that chair. It finally sold for over $600.00! It's not the first time I've seen something like that happen at an auction.

At least no tempers flared at that auction like I have seen occasionally at others. Auctioneers have told me stories of family members who were left out of the will or were not given things they wanted from the estate who caused problems at their auctions.

Things break, they rust, they get lost, but family relations are supposed to last forever. It's a shame when those relationships are destroyed over things. As I've written before, it's just stuff. Yes, it might have meaning to an individual, but it's still stuff. As Jesus taught in the above parable, there will come a time when our lives will end and someone else will have our stuff. That stuff won't have any meaning to us then. The only things that will have meaning then are our relationship with God and the memories our loved ones have of us. Our relationship with God will be determined by our acceptance or rejection of Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, and the memories our loved ones will have of us will be determined by the relationship we had with them. Those memories are far more important than fighting over stuff.

My advice to executors of an estate is to give items that have meaning to family members before disposing of the estate. If a sale needs to be held to pay debts, then either ask a fair amount for the items or let them know they can bid on the items they want just like any other bidder at the auction. One word of caution though: They will have to pay for the items they purchase. I attended an auction once when a family member was arguing with the auctioneer about having to pay for something that belonged to a family member. He finally paid for it but wasn't happy! If it's bought at an auction it must be paid for regardless of who owned it.

Don't allow things to interfere with relationships with loved ones. Life is too short to be concerned about stuff.

What do smaller churches have to offer?

Much of what is said about smaller churches is not very positive. People talk about how they are resistant to change, how they are dying, how they have limited resources and cannot offer the ministries and programs larger churches can. Having worked with smaller churches throughout my ministry I've heard all of these and much more. What amazes me is that people cannot seem to see the positive things smaller churches offer. Let me share just a few of these.

Smaller churches offer a sense of family. They provide people with relationships with other people. Larger churches have to develop small groups to offer the same relationship possibilities that are naturally found in smaller churches. There's nothing wrong with the small groups, but it does require people to be part of such a group. That sense of family just comes naturally in the smaller church.

Smaller churches value people over performances. You typically do not have to audition to sing in the choir in a smaller church. Just show up. The pastor may not have the latest degree from the most prestigious seminary in the nation, but he or she visits the people and genuinely loves them, and they love the pastor. Some of the community kids are not quite "church broke," but they are loved by the members of the congregation who care for them as their own.

In smaller churches you are more likely to be with people who are just like you. I served as pastor of a small church for 20 years that was mostly made up of farmers, blue collar workers and retired people. When I first went there only one person had a college degree, and it wasn't me. I often explained that we were not the church God would use to reach the professors of a nearby college, but that we would likely reach people who were a lot like we were.

Smaller churches communicate quickly when people need help. It doesn't take long in a small church for everyone to know when someone is sick or been in an accident. Funeral dinners are quickly arranged, and meals are taken to homes when members get sick.

Although it's true that some smaller churches can resist change, they are also able to be more flexible than larger churches. A person doesn't normally have to jump through four committees and three boards to get permission to do something. Large churches often remind me of the aircraft carrier I served on while in the Navy. It took miles to turn that thing around. Smaller churches are more like the bass boat I used to own. It could turn on a dime.

While I could list more, I'll just mention one more. In smaller churches people feel like they have a part in what's going on. People care that they are there. In some larger churches people come to the service, speak to their small circle of friends and leave. Few even notice they were there or not, and it doesn't make a lot of difference if they weren't.

I have nothing against large churches, but I do get weary of hearing people say only negative things about smaller churches. These smaller churches have much to offer and play a vital role in the Kingdom of God.

Healthy ministers live balanced lives.

Yesterday evening we returned from visiting our son and his family in Philly. It was a great time to see him and our grandchildren. My wife and I struggle sometimes seeing how quickly the grand-children are growing up. One is currently working, one is a senior in high school and has already selected her college, and the youngest is playing baseball on a travel team.

Time doesn't stand still for anyone, and it's easy to miss out on the important things in life if we permit it. With our son living in Philly and our daughter in Lexington, KY it's impossible to spend as much with them and the grandchildren as we would like, but we do make sure to take time to be with them as much as we can.

As a pastor I made sure I took the time to be involved in our kid's lives while they were growing up. My wife and I were often the only parents at Junior High track events, especially the away meets. We attended their basketball and baseball games. I coached our son's baseball team for six years when he played in the park's department program.

Years ago some denominational leaders would tell their pastors to take care of the church, and God would take care of their families. What horrible advice! When I first entered the ministry one seasoned pastor admitted his adult children seldom came around because he had never had time for them growing up, and his wife had major emotional problems that he never noticed until she told him what she was experiencing. That same pastor later faulted me for attending my daughter's Jr. high basketball games saying that the time would have been better spent doing ministry.

More than once I've explained that the church I pastored had many pastors in its history, and if the Lord tarried it would have many more. I was the only father my children had and the only husband my wife knew. If a church ever made me choose between it or being available to my family the church would lose every time. Scripture is clear that any man who does not provide for his family is worse than an infidel, and such provision includes emotional support and love as well as material goods.

This brings me back to one of my favorite topics - balance in the life of the minister. Those of us who serve in ministry must ensure that we maintain a healthy balance in each area of our lives. These areas include our relationship with God, our relationship with our families, our ministry, healthy self-care, and for bivocational ministers, our other careers. If we forsake any of these areas we will become unbalanced and unhealthy in our lives.

To help you in this area I've written The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry This book focuses on some of the common pressures of ministry and how any minister can address them. Another resource that has ministered to me in this area is Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives by Dr. Richard Swenson. One of our church's small groups led a study of this last year, and those attending told me how grateful they were that I recommended the book be taught.

Enjoying a balanced life and ministry

As a young bivocational pastor I adopted the attitude that I would rather burn out than rust out. That was really dumb! Either way, you're out! And I nearly was.

I've shared before in this space how, in the mid-1980s, I experienced clinical depression. For a year I took medication and visited a pastoral counselor every week as I worked my way out of that depression. I continued to function  reasonably well. I worked every day at my factory job and pastored the church, but it took all the energy I had to do that. There was not much left for my family or anyone else. It was a very rough time, and it could have all been avoided.

I had to learn how to maintain a healthy balance in my life. I had to learn how to set priorities and how to say no. I had to learn that not everything was an emergency that needed my immediate attention even if some people thought otherwise. I had to learn how to listen to my body and spirit when they would warn me I was about to get out of balance.

A few years ago I wrote The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry to share with other pastors some of the things I learned about maintaining balance in life and ministry. I thought it would be a valuable resource to the many pastors who struggle with such balance. Frankly, I've been surprised it has not sold as well as I thought. Either it has gotten lost in all the books published every year for pastors, or many in ministry are pretending they do not have a problem in this area. For some of the latter, I suggest you talk to your family members.

One of the most valuable lessons I learned during that period of my life was that if I didn't take care of myself I would soon be unable to take care of anyone. I could share story after story of the times I was present physically but not emotionally for my family and my congregation during that battle with depression. Believe me, you don't want to go through that.

To all my ministry friends out there, please take care of yourselves. Ministry is not a sprint; it is a long-distance event. Your church and your family needs you, and they need you at the top of your game. Don't allow the pressures of ministry rob you of important times with your family and your congregation. Create margin in your life and seek balance in all you do so you can enjoy the best life God has for you.

Preparing for 2018

As we near the end of 2017 and prepare to welcome 2018 it's important to make sure we do certain things. If you are a pastor I hope you have already begun sermon planning for the new year. When I was a bivocational pastor I tried to have my sermons planned out three months in advance. It's much easier to prepare sermons if, on Saturday night, you're not still trying to figure out what you are going to preach the next morning!

New Year's resolutions seldom accomplish much past January 3rd. Setting goals is far more helpful if you are serious about enjoying success in any area of your life. When you have written goals you have direction in your life. Like the old saying goes, if you aim at nothing you'll hit it every time. Productive, successful people have goals they work on every day.

In yesterday's post I mentioned one goal I have every year: to read 50 books that year. This year part of that goal includes re-reading some of the books that have had the greatest impact on my life. I have a bad habit of reading a book and never taking it back out of the shelf unless I'm using it for research for a sermon or a book I'm writing. If a book impacted my life once chances are it will again, so I plan to re-read some of them this year.

One other goal I encourage you to set is to schedule time with your family. If you are in a leadership position, or just busy like most people, it's very easy to try to work in some family time. That seldom happens. Set a goal for how many vacations you are going to take, how long each of them will be, and when you are taking them. Write those in your calendar now so those times are already scheduled.

I also want to encourage you to be intentional about your own spiritual growth in 2018. Persons in ministry often seem to think that their work will automatically cause them to grow spiritually, but that is not always the case. If you want a congregation of people growing in their faith, you also need to be growing in your own faith. Set aside time for regular devotions. Study material that will stretch your faith and increase your knowledge of God.

Some other practical things you should do includes checking your driver's license for the expiration date. In November of this year I began wondering when my license expired. It expired in August. The next day I made a quick trip to the license branch to get that little problem corrected.

The start of the new year is also a good time to clean up old records. Even though many of our records are now on computer, chances are you have some paper ones as well. Pitch the ones you do not need to keep and file the others. If you'll do that early in the new year it will make filing your taxes much easier later.

Plan your own life

We are now at the start of October, and I've done something I've done for years. I ordered my 2018 planning calendar. For my younger readers who keep everything on their smart phone or tablet, this is an annual ritual you don't have to follow. However, I prefer paper over technology to schedule my life, so I have to order a new planner each year.

As a bivocational pastor I soon learned that time management was essential to being effective in the many roles of someone in my position. When I went on staff in our judicatory time management became even more important.

In our November staff meeting we would list all the things we knew would occur in our region for the coming year. I would write those down in my planner. I often referred to these items as the "pay the rent" requirements. These were things I needed to attend or do as part of our region staff. But, once those were noted in the planner, then the planner belonged to me. It was then that my wife and I could schedule vacations. I could then begin to fill the calendar with local events that would occur in the area I served. I could also schedule my days off and reading days. Reading days?

Leaders cannot spend all their time leading. We need time to take in new knowledge and learn new skills. We need time to sit and think. A pastor who spends every waking minute working on sermons, attending meetings, and visiting everyone in the church will soon wear out. If a pastor never takes time to fill his or her own tank, that pastor will soon be running on empty.

I have to admit that I learned about reading time later in my ministry. It was during my doctoral studies. I quickly realized that there was so much reading required for the program that I had to schedule blocks of time for reading. Once my "pay the rent" items were written in the planner, and I knew what reading was required for a particular course, then I could schedule 2-3 hour blocks during the week just for reading. If a request for my time was made during that schedule reading time I would just explain that I already had an appointment. It never created a problem. Of course, if it was a genuine emergency I had space to respond to it and would then schedule reading time for a later date.

My wife and I enjoyed a date night during my pastoral ministry. That was also put in the planner. We selected Friday evenings as our date time, so every Friday my wife's name was written in the planner for the evening hours. Again, if someone wanted to meet or call me during that time I would explain that I already had an appointment and would need to schedule them for a later time.

If you don't plan your life, someone else will plan it for you, and chances are they will not have the same priorities for your life that you have. By planning ahead and ensuring that your priorities are given preferential treatment on your schedule you will feel less stress, enjoy better relationships with those closest to you, and be more effective in everything you do.

When things don't go as planned

Last week our plans were to travel to the Philadelphia area where our son and his family lives. My wife and I left home at the time we had planned. As we were leaving a light snow was falling. A couple of hours later the snow was getting heavier. We saw a number of vehicles off the road including one semi that was laying on its side. It had caught fire. We were almost involved in two accidents ourselves. I kept slowing down due to the amount of traffic and the dangerous conditions. When we got to Wheeling, WV we decided to spend the night.

I called our son and told him of the weather. He advised me that he would have turned around and went back home and suggested we do the same. Later that night he sent me a text saying their weather was going to be just as bad or worse later in the week, and we would be driving back in that when we returned home. I started watching the weather reports and didn't like what I was hearing. The next morning we made the decision that for once we would be smart and head back home before more bad weather arrived.

 As we started back the next morning I wasn't feeling very well. By the time we got back home I was sick with a bad head cold. As I write this I'm still not feeling well, but I think I have improved. It was definitely not the week we had planned.

We were looking forward to spending time with family last week, but that didn't happen. To say we are disappointed would be a major understatement!

I sometimes wonder how often God is disappointed when I fail to live up to His plans for my life. Scripture is clear that even before we were born God knew the plans He had for us. However, He also created us with a free will that allows us to make choices, and sometimes those choices go counter to the plans He has for us.

He could have eliminated that by making us robots, but He didn't do that. He created us as free moral agents with the ability to choose for ourselves the paths we will travel. I have often chosen a path for myself that was not in line with His purpose for my life. I have made choices that have brought pain and problems in my life and the lives of others I care for. We all have.

The good news is that our God is a God of grace, and when we repent of those wrong choices He is willing to forgive us and help us get back on the right path. Very often that means that we can still fulfill the purposes for which we were created. Failure doesn't have to be final.

Although we didn't get to see our son and his family before Christmas, we will go back soon after Christmas and spend a few days with them. When we do, this failed trip will be all but forgotten and we'll enjoy the time we do spend with them. Of course, we'll check the weather a little closer before we start out again!

Time away

You may have noticed that I've not had any postings on this blog for the past couple of weeks. That's because my wife and I enjoyed a two week vacation at Panama City Beach to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary. The weather was great; the beach was beautiful, and I had my best friend for the past 50 years by my side. We have been to PCB for the past many years and enjoyed going back to some incredible seafood restaurants, and we even tried a couple of new places.

Our daughter and her children had rented a condo for a couple of months, so we stayed with them. The condo complex was real nice with 13 pools and a putt-putt course that we all enjoyed.

It was a little surreal knowing that while we were enjoying beautiful days on the beach the other side of Florida, Georgia, and South Carolina were being pounded by a hurricane. Many of those people lost everything they owned so I hope you are keeping them in your prayers and helping as you are able.

I also hope you have taken time away to refresh yourself this year. The demands of ministry can be rough and take a lot out of a person. In the Scriptures we even see Jesus going off by himself to rest and telling his disciples to do the same. We need to follow his example.

Some churches are a little short-sighted when it comes to time away for the pastor. Many smaller churches want to only give their pastor two weeks vacation a year and think they are doing him or her a favor even though many in the congregation are getting 3-4 weeks paid vacation. In a survey I did a few years ago of bivocational pastors some responded they did not receive any vacation time. One pastor told me he drove a couple in his church three states away so they could visit their son in prison in that state only to be told by the deacons when he returned two days later that those days would be counted against his vacation time.

When I assisted churches in their pastoral search process I always encouraged them to give their pastors four weeks vacation. Some followed my advice, but many did not. Then they wonder why they can't keep a pastor more than a year or two.

Of course, it makes no difference how many weeks vacation the church allows if the pastor does not use them. Pastors, you are short-changing yourselves, your family, and your ministry if you do not go away periodically to refresh and renew your self. Maybe you don't have the money to go to the beach or the mountains, but anyone can afford to take day trips to state parks or interesting communities you've not visited before. The key is to get away from the phone and the pressures of ministry and enjoy yourself and your family. If you'll do that four times a year you'll be surprised how different you'll feel.