For those of you not familiar with my story, I began as a bivocational pastor in 1981. When I began I had no pastoral experience and no education beyond high school. After about 18 months in the church I decided I wanted some training. About an hour from my house was a Bible college with a good reputation. The only problem was that they only offered classes in the morning, and I worked day shift in a factory an hour from my house in the opposite direction of the school.
After much prayer and talking with my wife, I transferred to third shift at my job and enrolled at the school. I would leave home at 10:00 pm, work all night and then drive 100 miles to my classes. Around noon classes would end and I would make the 50 mile drive back to my home, go to bed and start the cycle again that night. This was a two-year program, but it took me four years to complete as I could not take more than 2-3 classes a semester.
A few months after graduation I began to have problems and was diagnosed as clinically depressed. Trying to work a full-time job, pastor a church and attend classes for that length of time had depleted the neurotransmitters in my brain. It took a year of medication and counseling before I recovered. Like many pastors, I had not taken care of myself.
Yesterday's post on managing the expectations a congregation has for their bivocational pastor generated more comments than any post I've written. Today I want to address the need for us to manage our own expectations of what we can do. I paid a high price because I did not, and I don't want you to make the mistake I made.
One of my favorite sayings over the past few years is "Self-care is not selfishness; it is stewardship of a very valuable gift God has given you." Ministers are often guilty of taking better care of others than they do themselves.
As a bivocational pastor you must accept that you cannot do it all. You have obligations to your family and to your other employment as well as to the church, to God, and to your own self-care. A life well-lived is a life that is lived with proper attention given to all five of those areas of your life.
This means that you cannot possibly go to the hospital every time someone is admitted. You cannot head up every committee in your church or even attend every meeting, especially if your church is over-structured like so many smaller churches are. You cannot preach 3-4 times a week, at least not if you are serious about message preparation. You cannot be in the pulpit 52 Sundays a year. The list goes on with things you cannot do. This means you must learn to delegate.
In yesterday's post I said that churches must transition from pastoral care to congregational care. This is a more biblical form of ministry (Eph. 4), and this chapter teaches us that the duty of the pastor is to train the saints how to do ministry. Too many pastors are wearing themselves out, and leaving the ministry, because they are trying to do everything themselves instead of fulfilling their biblical role of training others to minister to one another.
When I teach this in my seminars the question is always asked how to do this when so few people in the church want to do anything. My response is that we have to ride the horses that want to run. Yes, some people don't want to do anything, but others are just waiting to be taught how so they can minister to others. Love the ones who don't want to do anything, but invest your time and energy in those who want to serve and teach them how.
Identify people who have gifts of healing and mercy and teach them how to make hospital visits. Find the people in your church who have leadership gifts and put them in charge of leading the most important teams in your church. Maybe you don't have the authority to place people on your teams or committees, but you can make suggestions to those who do have that authority. It may take time, but eventually you can have very effective people leading these teams taking a great deal of pressure off of you.
I cannot stress this enough, but listen to your spouse, if married, if they begin to tell you that you are showing signs of stress or if they or the children are feeling ignored. When I pastored I made sure my calendar included a weekly date night with my wife. I attended activities my children were involved in and even coached our son's baseball team for about six years.
Finally, be sure you do not neglect your personal time with God. I know how easy that is to do when you're trying to do so many things. There would be times when I realized I wasn't spending any time with God for my own personal development. My time in the Word was to prepare messages, and my prayer life too often was inconsistent. God called us to be something before He called us to do something.
My book The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry includes more information on these topics, and much more about maintaining a healthy life as a pastor. I also have a seminar on this important topic that I can present to your judicatory or other group if you are interested. Be kind to yourself.
Showing posts with label Healthy Pastors. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Healthy Pastors. Show all posts
Thursday, April 18, 2019
Monday, February 11, 2019
Great way to look at bivocational ministry
Several years ago I led some workshops for an annual denominational gathering. Also leading a workshop was Nelson Searcy, pastor of The Journey Church in New York. Both of us had books released in the months prior to the conference, and we were leading workshops built around those books. My workshop was held in the morning, and Nelson's was held later. I attended his workshop and was very impressed by the material he presented. Since then he has released a number of books, most of which I own.
This year his newest book The New You: A Guide to Better Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Wellness was released. I am finding it a very helpful book for anyone and especially for those of us in ministry. Our personal well-being will directly impact our effectiveness in life and ministry. Many ministers I know are much better at caring for others than they are in practicing good self-care. I am one of those ministers. In this book he and Jennifer Dykes Henson offers very practical steps to take to become healthier in each of the areas listed in the subtitle.
In my reading this morning I came across a statement in the book that I thought was especially relevant for those of us in bivocational positions. He referred to a friend who runs the New York City Marathon each year. His friend has commented that life is a marathon, a statement with which Nelson disagreed. He wrote, "Life is not a marathon, and it shouldn't be looked at as one. Life is better viewed as a series of short sprints with periods of rest in between."
What a great way of thinking for bivocational leaders! I've written elsewhere about the danger of allowing our lives to get out of balance. With all the various demands on our time, this is easy to do. We can very quickly fall into the trap of believing that we have to respond to every request, every demand, and allow ourselves to get overloaded, overworked, and overscheduled. No one can keep up that kind of life style for very long. Trying to do so can lead to various health issues, both physical and emotional. I've been very open about my battle with depression during the mid-1980s, and much of that was directly due to trying to live life as a marathon.
We should not forget that God created the universe in six days and then rested for a day. You are not a slacker for taking time away from your responsibilities. Each of us needs time for refreshment and renewal if we want to live peak lives. But, I can guarantee that if you do not intentionally schedule such times they will not happen. Somebody, somewhere will need you to do something. I got to the point where I wrote on my calendar date nights for my wife and me. If somebody asked me to do something at that time I just told them I already had an appointment. It was NEVER a problem.
I have also appreciated the chapters on diet and exercise. They provided me with information I did not know about eating healthier (which I needed to know!), and I have already began implementing these changes into my life. I am currently about half done reading the book. I normally do not recommend books until I've finished them, but I want to encourage you to read this one. The material you'll find asks you to take small steps towards becoming healthier in every aspect of your life. Any of us can take small steps, and most of us need to.
This year his newest book The New You: A Guide to Better Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Wellness was released. I am finding it a very helpful book for anyone and especially for those of us in ministry. Our personal well-being will directly impact our effectiveness in life and ministry. Many ministers I know are much better at caring for others than they are in practicing good self-care. I am one of those ministers. In this book he and Jennifer Dykes Henson offers very practical steps to take to become healthier in each of the areas listed in the subtitle.
In my reading this morning I came across a statement in the book that I thought was especially relevant for those of us in bivocational positions. He referred to a friend who runs the New York City Marathon each year. His friend has commented that life is a marathon, a statement with which Nelson disagreed. He wrote, "Life is not a marathon, and it shouldn't be looked at as one. Life is better viewed as a series of short sprints with periods of rest in between."
What a great way of thinking for bivocational leaders! I've written elsewhere about the danger of allowing our lives to get out of balance. With all the various demands on our time, this is easy to do. We can very quickly fall into the trap of believing that we have to respond to every request, every demand, and allow ourselves to get overloaded, overworked, and overscheduled. No one can keep up that kind of life style for very long. Trying to do so can lead to various health issues, both physical and emotional. I've been very open about my battle with depression during the mid-1980s, and much of that was directly due to trying to live life as a marathon.
We should not forget that God created the universe in six days and then rested for a day. You are not a slacker for taking time away from your responsibilities. Each of us needs time for refreshment and renewal if we want to live peak lives. But, I can guarantee that if you do not intentionally schedule such times they will not happen. Somebody, somewhere will need you to do something. I got to the point where I wrote on my calendar date nights for my wife and me. If somebody asked me to do something at that time I just told them I already had an appointment. It was NEVER a problem.
I have also appreciated the chapters on diet and exercise. They provided me with information I did not know about eating healthier (which I needed to know!), and I have already began implementing these changes into my life. I am currently about half done reading the book. I normally do not recommend books until I've finished them, but I want to encourage you to read this one. The material you'll find asks you to take small steps towards becoming healthier in every aspect of your life. Any of us can take small steps, and most of us need to.
Thursday, January 3, 2019
Pastoral counseling
A number of years ago I was involved in helping develop a training program for lay leaders and bivocational pastors in our judicatory. A two-year and three-year program was offered with classes we felt would benefit our students. It wasn't long before we began to be asked to add a class on counseling to our program. We refused to add the class. As I explained to those requesting the class, one counseling class is not going to equip you to counsel people.
Many churches have counseling as part of their pastor's job descriptions, and many pastors do offer to counsel people. I think this is a mistake for most pastors. Unless the minister has been trained in counseling my advice has always been it is usually best to refer those who need this help to a trained pastoral counselor or Christian psychologist.
People who need counseling often require much more time and expertise than the average pastor can give them. In severe cases persons may need years of therapy and extensive help which the minister is not trained to provide. In such cases it is often best to provide pastoral care and refer the person to someone trained to provide the assistance the person needs.
A possible scenario might go like this. Someone comes seeking counseling, and the minister quickly recognizes that a referral is in order. The minister can suggest capable counselors for the person to contact while offering to meet with the person on a regular basis to see how they are progressing. I would ask the person to contact me after they've had their first session with the counselor. This would allow me to find out their initial thoughts about the counseling they are receiving and gives me an opportunity to provide pastoral care. I would then want to set up regular meetings, perhaps every couple of months, to see how they are progressing. This lets them know I care about their situation and it provides them with the type of counseling they need to resolve their problem.
If a minister is a trained counselor then he or she can offer counseling, but most of us received just enough training in counseling to be dangerous. We do no one any good if we try to work outside the areas of our expertise. The person does not receive the best assistance available, and the minister's time is being used doing things he or she is not equipped to do.
I write more about this and other ways to reduce the pressures of ministry in my book The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry
Many churches have counseling as part of their pastor's job descriptions, and many pastors do offer to counsel people. I think this is a mistake for most pastors. Unless the minister has been trained in counseling my advice has always been it is usually best to refer those who need this help to a trained pastoral counselor or Christian psychologist.
People who need counseling often require much more time and expertise than the average pastor can give them. In severe cases persons may need years of therapy and extensive help which the minister is not trained to provide. In such cases it is often best to provide pastoral care and refer the person to someone trained to provide the assistance the person needs.
A possible scenario might go like this. Someone comes seeking counseling, and the minister quickly recognizes that a referral is in order. The minister can suggest capable counselors for the person to contact while offering to meet with the person on a regular basis to see how they are progressing. I would ask the person to contact me after they've had their first session with the counselor. This would allow me to find out their initial thoughts about the counseling they are receiving and gives me an opportunity to provide pastoral care. I would then want to set up regular meetings, perhaps every couple of months, to see how they are progressing. This lets them know I care about their situation and it provides them with the type of counseling they need to resolve their problem.
If a minister is a trained counselor then he or she can offer counseling, but most of us received just enough training in counseling to be dangerous. We do no one any good if we try to work outside the areas of our expertise. The person does not receive the best assistance available, and the minister's time is being used doing things he or she is not equipped to do.
I write more about this and other ways to reduce the pressures of ministry in my book The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry
Tuesday, August 14, 2018
Now is the time to schedule your conference speakers for 2019
For the past two years I have served as a Transitional Pastor for a church as it searched for a new pastor. Next Sunday will be my last day at the church. Their new pastor will begin the following week. During this time I did not schedule any conferences or other speaking events so I could concentrate my attention on serving this church. Now that my time there is ending I am open to speaking at your conferences or leading seminars for your organization.
The primary focus of the eight books I've published has been on small church/bivocational ministry. Because of these books I've been privileged to speak to various groups in ten different denominations and on the campuses of four universities. At some of the events I've led workshops as part of large denominational conferences, and in others I've conducted day-long seminars training pastors and denominational leaders.
My best selling book has been The Healthy Small Church: Diagnosis and Treatment for the Big Issues. That book has also been the foundation for my most requested seminar "The Healthy Small Church." In that seminar we explore some of the problems found in many small churches that lead to poor health and how to address them to enable the church to become healthier.
The second most requested seminar has been "Transforming the Small Church from Maintenance-Minded to Missional." It is based on my book Intentional Ministry in a Not-So-Mega Church: Becoming a Missional Community This seminar examines the differences between a maintenance-minded church and a missional church and how to transition the church from one to the other.
A third seminar I'm asked to do is "Bivocational Ministry for the 21st Century." This one is based on my book The Bivocational Pastor: Two Jobs, One Ministry and other research I've done on this topic. With the rapid growth of bivocational ministry in many denominations this seminar is becoming increasingly important.
A fourth seminar I've done is based on my book The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry and goes by the same title. Ministers face tremendous pressures that seminary often does not prepare them for, In this seminar we explore how to reduce those pressures to help make ministry more enjoyable and effective.
In addition, I have also worked with various denominational leaders helping them to better understand the unique needs of their small church and bivocational ministers.
I served one small, rural church as their bivocational pastor for 20 years and spent the next 14 years serving in judicatory ministry. My doctoral thesis was "Coaching Bivocational Ministers for Greater Ministry Effectiveness." Much of my ministry focus has been on smaller churches and bivocational leadership. The various presentations come not only from my books but from my research on these subjects and over 35 years in ministry.
Any of these presentations are available in a one-hour workshop, a half-day presentation or a six-hour seminar. We can tailor any of them to fit your needs.
As you know, now is the time to think about the persons you want to invite to speak to your 2019 gatherings. Currently, my 2019 schedule is open so now is the time to talk about scheduling me for your next event. The fastest way to contact me is at dbickers@roadrunner.com. I look forward to hearing from you.
The primary focus of the eight books I've published has been on small church/bivocational ministry. Because of these books I've been privileged to speak to various groups in ten different denominations and on the campuses of four universities. At some of the events I've led workshops as part of large denominational conferences, and in others I've conducted day-long seminars training pastors and denominational leaders.
My best selling book has been The Healthy Small Church: Diagnosis and Treatment for the Big Issues. That book has also been the foundation for my most requested seminar "The Healthy Small Church." In that seminar we explore some of the problems found in many small churches that lead to poor health and how to address them to enable the church to become healthier.
The second most requested seminar has been "Transforming the Small Church from Maintenance-Minded to Missional." It is based on my book Intentional Ministry in a Not-So-Mega Church: Becoming a Missional Community This seminar examines the differences between a maintenance-minded church and a missional church and how to transition the church from one to the other.
A third seminar I'm asked to do is "Bivocational Ministry for the 21st Century." This one is based on my book The Bivocational Pastor: Two Jobs, One Ministry and other research I've done on this topic. With the rapid growth of bivocational ministry in many denominations this seminar is becoming increasingly important.
A fourth seminar I've done is based on my book The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry and goes by the same title. Ministers face tremendous pressures that seminary often does not prepare them for, In this seminar we explore how to reduce those pressures to help make ministry more enjoyable and effective.
In addition, I have also worked with various denominational leaders helping them to better understand the unique needs of their small church and bivocational ministers.
I served one small, rural church as their bivocational pastor for 20 years and spent the next 14 years serving in judicatory ministry. My doctoral thesis was "Coaching Bivocational Ministers for Greater Ministry Effectiveness." Much of my ministry focus has been on smaller churches and bivocational leadership. The various presentations come not only from my books but from my research on these subjects and over 35 years in ministry.
Any of these presentations are available in a one-hour workshop, a half-day presentation or a six-hour seminar. We can tailor any of them to fit your needs.
As you know, now is the time to think about the persons you want to invite to speak to your 2019 gatherings. Currently, my 2019 schedule is open so now is the time to talk about scheduling me for your next event. The fastest way to contact me is at dbickers@roadrunner.com. I look forward to hearing from you.
Wednesday, January 31, 2018
Enjoying a balanced life and ministry
As a young bivocational pastor I adopted the attitude that I would rather burn out than rust out. That was really dumb! Either way, you're out! And I nearly was.
I've shared before in this space how, in the mid-1980s, I experienced clinical depression. For a year I took medication and visited a pastoral counselor every week as I worked my way out of that depression. I continued to function reasonably well. I worked every day at my factory job and pastored the church, but it took all the energy I had to do that. There was not much left for my family or anyone else. It was a very rough time, and it could have all been avoided.
I had to learn how to maintain a healthy balance in my life. I had to learn how to set priorities and how to say no. I had to learn that not everything was an emergency that needed my immediate attention even if some people thought otherwise. I had to learn how to listen to my body and spirit when they would warn me I was about to get out of balance.
A few years ago I wrote The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry to share with other pastors some of the things I learned about maintaining balance in life and ministry. I thought it would be a valuable resource to the many pastors who struggle with such balance. Frankly, I've been surprised it has not sold as well as I thought. Either it has gotten lost in all the books published every year for pastors, or many in ministry are pretending they do not have a problem in this area. For some of the latter, I suggest you talk to your family members.
One of the most valuable lessons I learned during that period of my life was that if I didn't take care of myself I would soon be unable to take care of anyone. I could share story after story of the times I was present physically but not emotionally for my family and my congregation during that battle with depression. Believe me, you don't want to go through that.
To all my ministry friends out there, please take care of yourselves. Ministry is not a sprint; it is a long-distance event. Your church and your family needs you, and they need you at the top of your game. Don't allow the pressures of ministry rob you of important times with your family and your congregation. Create margin in your life and seek balance in all you do so you can enjoy the best life God has for you.
I've shared before in this space how, in the mid-1980s, I experienced clinical depression. For a year I took medication and visited a pastoral counselor every week as I worked my way out of that depression. I continued to function reasonably well. I worked every day at my factory job and pastored the church, but it took all the energy I had to do that. There was not much left for my family or anyone else. It was a very rough time, and it could have all been avoided.
I had to learn how to maintain a healthy balance in my life. I had to learn how to set priorities and how to say no. I had to learn that not everything was an emergency that needed my immediate attention even if some people thought otherwise. I had to learn how to listen to my body and spirit when they would warn me I was about to get out of balance.
A few years ago I wrote The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry to share with other pastors some of the things I learned about maintaining balance in life and ministry. I thought it would be a valuable resource to the many pastors who struggle with such balance. Frankly, I've been surprised it has not sold as well as I thought. Either it has gotten lost in all the books published every year for pastors, or many in ministry are pretending they do not have a problem in this area. For some of the latter, I suggest you talk to your family members.
One of the most valuable lessons I learned during that period of my life was that if I didn't take care of myself I would soon be unable to take care of anyone. I could share story after story of the times I was present physically but not emotionally for my family and my congregation during that battle with depression. Believe me, you don't want to go through that.
To all my ministry friends out there, please take care of yourselves. Ministry is not a sprint; it is a long-distance event. Your church and your family needs you, and they need you at the top of your game. Don't allow the pressures of ministry rob you of important times with your family and your congregation. Create margin in your life and seek balance in all you do so you can enjoy the best life God has for you.
Thursday, December 29, 2016
Pastoral self-care
I've had the good fortune for the past 15+ years of working with many pastors. As a judicatory leader in our region and in the various conferences I led for small church leaders I have worked with thousands of pastors. Most are hard working and totally committed to their calling. They are focused on serving the people in their churches through providing content-rich messages and faithful pastoral care. Unfortunately, many of them are not very good at caring for themselves as well as they do others.
That is why I wrote the book The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry. It was designed to help pastors identify problem areas in ministry and ways to address them. While it's not possible to eliminate the pressures associated with ministry, we can ease those pressures making our lives and ministries much more enjoyable.
I saw one pastor struggling with depression while trying to serve a difficult church and care for his family. When I asked him if he had seen a doctor he admitted he had not but knew he needed to. I asked if I could speak to his wife. When he agreed I told her that I was concerned that her husband was battling depression. Immediately, tears began to run down her cheek. She knew long before I said anything. I encouraged her to see that he talked with his doctor. Several months later I was told he had still not seen a doctor and was not any better.
Another pastor called saying he was going to retire. He did not want to, but the pressures he felt from his church was causing health problems. He was only 62 and wanted to pastor a church for several more years, but his doctor had expressed concern that he was doing permanent damage to his health if he didn't get out of that church. He did retire and was out of the ministry for several months. His health began to improve. I was able to help him find a healthy bivocational church that would have minimal stress, and he has enjoyed a very fruitful ministry in that church.
There are fourteen chapters in the book addressing different areas of potential ministry-related stress. I have experienced some of them in my own life and have worked with pastors who have struggled with each of them. These stressors are real, and they drive a lot of good pastors out of the ministry. That does not need to happen. There are healthy ways of dealing with each of them, and I try to point them out to the reader.
To be perfectly frank, this book has not sold nearly as well as I thought it would. Because I am aware of how many pastors struggle with the pressures associated with ministry I would have thought they would seek out a resource that would help them address those pressures.
If you know a pastor who is struggling right now with stressors related to the ministry, this might make a wonderful resource to give him or her. They will understand that they are not the only ones that have to deal with their particular problem, and they will find suggestions to help them address their pressures. It might just save their ministry.
That is why I wrote the book The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry. It was designed to help pastors identify problem areas in ministry and ways to address them. While it's not possible to eliminate the pressures associated with ministry, we can ease those pressures making our lives and ministries much more enjoyable.
I saw one pastor struggling with depression while trying to serve a difficult church and care for his family. When I asked him if he had seen a doctor he admitted he had not but knew he needed to. I asked if I could speak to his wife. When he agreed I told her that I was concerned that her husband was battling depression. Immediately, tears began to run down her cheek. She knew long before I said anything. I encouraged her to see that he talked with his doctor. Several months later I was told he had still not seen a doctor and was not any better.
Another pastor called saying he was going to retire. He did not want to, but the pressures he felt from his church was causing health problems. He was only 62 and wanted to pastor a church for several more years, but his doctor had expressed concern that he was doing permanent damage to his health if he didn't get out of that church. He did retire and was out of the ministry for several months. His health began to improve. I was able to help him find a healthy bivocational church that would have minimal stress, and he has enjoyed a very fruitful ministry in that church.
There are fourteen chapters in the book addressing different areas of potential ministry-related stress. I have experienced some of them in my own life and have worked with pastors who have struggled with each of them. These stressors are real, and they drive a lot of good pastors out of the ministry. That does not need to happen. There are healthy ways of dealing with each of them, and I try to point them out to the reader.
To be perfectly frank, this book has not sold nearly as well as I thought it would. Because I am aware of how many pastors struggle with the pressures associated with ministry I would have thought they would seek out a resource that would help them address those pressures.
If you know a pastor who is struggling right now with stressors related to the ministry, this might make a wonderful resource to give him or her. They will understand that they are not the only ones that have to deal with their particular problem, and they will find suggestions to help them address their pressures. It might just save their ministry.
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