Ministry and suicide

I just finished reading an article about another pastor who took his life. I'm sure both his family and congregation are struggling to understand why this happened. They are probably also wondering how they missed warning signs. Over the next few months they will deal with a lot of mixed emotions while dealing with the loss of someone I'm sure they loved very much.

I never met this pastor, and, in fact, had never heard his name before reading the article. I don't know what was going on in his life, what struggles he might have had or what prompted the decision to end his life. None of us are in a position to judge his actions.

Two pastors I have known have taken their lives. One was actually a childhood friend. I do not know why either one ended their lives. No doubt they were struggling with issues that led them to that decision. I wish either one of them had talked to me about whatever their issues were.

Much has been written in recent years about the pressures of being in the ministry. Many pastors have left the ministry because of those pressures. Certainly, the ministry does involve pressure. As a pastor and a former regional minister, I have felt those pressures many times. Once, the pressure became so overwhelming that I fell into clinical depression and sought counseling to understand what was happening and how to overcome it, and I did overcome it. I also learned better coping strategies to ensure I would not experience depression again. Even in my deepest depressed state, I never considered suicide as an option. Perhaps, that was because of the support I was receiving from my family and my counselor.

To any minister, or anyone else, reading this who is thinking about taking his or her life due to the pressures of living, seek help. Tell someone what you are thinking. Call a counseling center as I did. Talk to your family doctor. Call the ER. Tell someone. I've known pastors who seriously needed to enter counseling due to depression or another mental illness who refused to do so. They didn't want to appear weak. Some have the misguided belief that seeking outside help would demonstrate a lack of faith in God. Let me be blunt: That's stupid! If you broke your leg I'm sure you would see a doctor to repair the damage. Seeing a counselor for depression or to avoid suicide is no more a lack of faith than having a doctor repair a broken leg.

Committing suicide does not relieve the pain a person is feeling. It just passes it on to others who loved that person very much. Please, talk to someone before ending your life. 

The church and mental health issues

 According to some research, on any given Sunday one in four adults and one in five children sitting in our congregations are suffering from some form of mental illness. While you may question that for your congregation, remember that many of them are suffering silently. They are afraid to tell anyone of the challenges they have. They sit there week after week with smiles on their faces while dealing with struggles they dare not reveal. In some cases they have reason to fear.

Many churches do not handle persons with mental illness well. Some will insist that someone dealing with a mental illness must have unconfessed sin in their lives. Unless they are willing to confess that sin they cannot be helped. Other churches view mental illness as a sign of demon possession. Some denounce anyone who seeks medical treatment such as medication or counseling for their illness to lack faith. Sometimes churches will ignore the person with a mental illness hoping he or she will just go away, and in a few situations the church may even ask the person to leave the church. Obviously, none of these are acceptable responses for a church to take towards someone suffering from a mental illness.

Mental illness has been called the "no casserole" disease in churches. If someone has a physical disease the church family is often quick to respond. Visits to the hospital and home are made. Meals are prepared and taken to the family. Offers are made to take care of routine tasks such as mowing the lawn while the person recovers. But, if the problem is a mental illness churches are often at a loss to know what to do so many do nothing.

Martin Luther, Charles Spurgeon, J. B. Phillips all experienced depression during their lives. Many other well-known and not so well-known Christian leaders have battled depression and other mental illnesses. Countless others have been impacted by family members who have suffered. Rick Warren was very open about his son's battle with depression that ultimately led to the young man taking his life. Mental illness struggles are found in both Christians and non-Christians, and the church needs to learn better ways of addressing them.

Here are some things the church can do to offer healing to those dealing with mental illness.

1. Be careful with language. When we talk about mental health issues we need to avoid mocking or belittling those dealing with such issues. Pastors especially need to be careful here.
2. We need to become aware of the causes of mental illnesses. There are a number of causes, including genetic, that we need to know about. If nothing else, this can help eliminate some of the stigma sometimes associated with mental illnesses.
3. We do not want to diagnose and counsel those with mental illnesses unless we are trained to do so. If we see someone showing symptoms it is appropriate to offer pastoral care, express our concerns about the person's well being and offer to refer them to a trained counselor.
4. It will be helpful to develop relationships with mental health practitioners in the area so you can offer good referrals. One of the things to find out about these individuals is their view towards the Christian faith. Some may actually believe that such faith is the cause of the mental illness.
5. It is always appropriate to pray for the individual.
6. Make your church a safe place for people to talk about mental illness.
7. Do not neglect the family. The person with mental health challenges is not the only one who needs pastoral care. No doubt the family has gone through much and needs the support of the church.

These are just some things the church can do to minister to those dealing with mental health challenges. What we don't want to do is to make their situation worse by ignoring them or blaming them for their problems. Let us pray that God will help us become more sensitive to those struggling with mental health challenges and give us the insight to help them find the healing they need.

The pastor and counseling

One of the lessons I learned fairly early as a pastor was that I was not a counselor. One of the reasons I decided to go to a Bible college was because I thought I could learn to be a better counselor only I found out they didn't offer instruction in counseling. Fortunately, I learned enough other things there that made up for it.

Still, I tried to counsel people when they came asking for counseling. The premarital counseling went pretty good, and I was comfortable doing that. But when it came to counseling people for serious problems, I was not good at all. It was during a session with a couple with a troubled marriage when I realized I couldn't help these people. I wasn't trained to provide the in-depth care they needed. When we met for our second session I explained to the couple that I wanted to be the best pastor to them I could, and for me to do that I needed to refer them to someone trained to help them work through their marriage issues. I assured them I would provide pastoral care, but I could not provide counseling. I recommended a Christian counseling service with which I was familiar and told the couple that after their first visit with a counselor there to call me to set up a meeting to talk about how they felt it went. I never got that call.

Many of us in pastoral ministry have never received any training as counselors, or if we did it was likely very introductory training. It certainly was not enough for us to consider ourselves trained in the best methods of counseling, and I would imagine that even fewer would have continued that training as counselors to keep up on the latest developments in the field. Without that expertise we do those who come to us a disservice.

A training program our region offered included a pastoral track for bivocational ministers. Nearly every year someone would ask when we were going to offer a course on counseling. I would remind everyone that our courses were all introductory in nature. Each course consisted of four six-hour classes. That is hardly enough time to train someone to counsel others.

If I was a pastor moving into a new community some of the first people I would want to meet would be the counselors who serve that community. I would want to find out the counseling they specialize in: marriage difficulties, addictions, depression and anxiety, etc. I would want to know their fees and if they offer sliding fees for those who need financial help to receive counseling. I would certainly want to know their attitudes towards persons of faith. Some in the counseling field are likely to blame any problems a person has on their religious beliefs. I would ask about their education. After learning as much as I could I would make a list of the ones I could be comfortable referring people to.

Many churches expect their pastors to provide counseling. I occasionally look at job descriptions listed on pastoral search sites where it will state that the pastor is to provide counseling. If I was candidating at that church I would make clear that I would do not long-term counseling but I would refer persons to qualified counselors while I continued to offer pastoral care to the individual. If that is not acceptable to the church it's better to find that out before you accept the position.

Besides referral, there is another thing a church could do. It could offer a counseling center a space in their building for a counselor to work out of perhaps one day a week. I've seen churches do this. Churches with the financial means to do so might pay a portion of the fees their members might incur during counseling. One caution, absolute confidentiality would have to be maintained from those who might be working in the church when people came for counseling. A separate entrance near the space might be used to help assure that confidentiality.

People seek counseling for a host of issues and problems today, many of which are outside the realm of a pastor's training and expertise. In order to provide the best pastoral care it is mandatory that we seek to refer these individuals to people with the training and skills to help them. We can offer pastoral care and support, we can pray for them and encourage them from the Scriptures, but sometimes that is not enough to help them through some issues with deep roots. That is when we need to send them to someone who can walk with them through the healing process they need.

Pastoral counseling

A number of years ago I was involved in helping develop a training program for lay leaders and bivocational pastors in our judicatory. A two-year and three-year program was offered with classes we felt would benefit our students. It wasn't long before we began to be asked to add a class on counseling to our program. We refused to add the class. As I explained to those requesting the class, one counseling class is not going to equip you to counsel people.

Many churches have counseling as part of their pastor's job descriptions, and many pastors do offer to counsel people. I think this is a mistake for most pastors. Unless the minister has been trained in counseling my advice has always been it is usually best to refer those who need this help to a trained pastoral counselor or Christian psychologist.

People who need counseling often require much more time and expertise than the average pastor can give them. In severe cases persons may need years of therapy and extensive help which the minister is not trained to provide. In such cases it is often best to provide pastoral care and refer the person to someone trained to provide the assistance the person needs.

A possible scenario might go like this. Someone comes seeking counseling, and the minister quickly recognizes that a referral is in order. The minister can suggest capable counselors for the person to contact while offering to meet with the person on a regular basis to see how they are progressing. I would ask the person to contact me after they've had their first session with the counselor. This would allow me to find out their initial thoughts about the counseling they are receiving and gives me an opportunity to provide pastoral care. I would then want to set up regular meetings, perhaps every couple of months, to see how they are progressing. This lets them know I care about their situation and it provides them with the type of counseling they need to resolve their problem.

If a minister is a trained counselor then he or she can offer counseling, but most of us received just enough training in counseling to be dangerous. We do no one any good if we try to work outside the areas of our expertise. The person does not receive the best assistance available, and the minister's time is being used doing things he or she is not equipped to do.

I write more about this and other ways to reduce the pressures of ministry in my book The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry

When ministers battle depression

The suicide deaths of Robin Williams and last year that of Rick Warren's son has triggered quite a discussion in many Christian circles about depression.  Some have been highly critical of Christians who suffer from depression while others have called for greater understanding and more discussion in churches about the illness.  I fall in the latter camp.  I have also battled depression in my own life.

My first encounter was in the mid 1980s.  I was working full-time in a factory, serving as a bivocational pastor, attending a Bible college about an hour from my home, and trying to be a husband and father.  For four years I attended classes, and each class required about a 200 mile round trip drive from my house to work to school and back home.  A few months after graduating I began to have problems.  My doctor and a Christian counselor both diagnosed me with clinical depression.  For much of the next year I was in weekly counseling and on medication.  I continued to work and pastor the church, but it was a struggle.

The struggle was made worse because no one knew of my condition except my wife and our children.  I shared it with no one.  There were Sundays it took everything I could do to preach.  That summer I had planned to preach through the book of Daniel (not something I would now recommend anyone doing who is already depressed!).  I still remember the Sunday I was preaching on "Faith for the Fiery Furnace."  It took all I could do to not run out of the church that morning.  During the special music the thought kept going through my head that I had to be the biggest hypocrite in the world.  I was about to preach on faith for the fiery furnace, and I didn't have enough faith to blow out a match.

When I had recovered I shared with our congregation what I had been going through and apologized for not telling them sooner.  I admitted I should have told them sooner and asked them to pray for me and walk with me through my healing.

My healing took much of a year, and I consider that a year of my life that was lost.  However, there was much good that came from that experience.  For one, I have had many opportunities to minister to persons struggling with depression.  Because I have been where they are, they are willing to trust me. I have also been able to recommend persons to see their doctors when I have suspected depression in their lives.

I learned a lot about depression during that year.  I learned that it is an illness just like any other illness.  No one would hesitate going to a doctor if they had pneumonia so why should they hesitate to see one if they are depressed?  I learned that it is very treatable, and the quicker the treatment begins the quicker a person can often recover.

An important part of my education was about how to avoid future depressions.  Mine was caused from a lack of sufficient rest and living too much on adrenaline.  Because I failed to take care of myself my body shut itself down to protect itself.  I learned that self-care is not selfishness; it is stewardship.  It is stewardship of a very important treasure God has given you: you.  It is essential that we take time out to enjoy life, that we get sufficient rest, that we eat well if we want to stay emotionally healthy.

I also learned how to recognize if I am drifting towards depression.  Due to some unusual stresses a few years ago I found myself starting down that dark road again.  However, this time I was able to avoid it by talking to people, praying, and taking steps to avoid becoming depressed.  Thanks to the grace of God and the lessons I learned from the earlier struggle I was able to avoid depression that time.

Although I refused to talk about it when I was going through it, I have been quite open about it since my recovery.  We might be surprised to find how many people in our churches are struggling with depression and are afraid to say anything for fear of being judged.  I want people to know there is no shame in being depressed.  Again, it's an illness.  It's not a sign of spiritual immaturity.  It's not a sign of little faith.  It's not demon possession.  It's an illness that can be treated, and part of that treatment should come from the church as we love people and pray for them as they battle this illness.

The biggest mistake I made during my depression was not sharing my situation with our congregation.  They would have loved me, prayed for me, and protected me.  My healing may have been much quicker.  If you are a minister who is struggling with depression I encourage you to share that with your church.  If your church would not understand or think that there is something spiritually wrong with you then you are probably in the wrong church.  The second thing you need to do is to slow down.  Give yourself permission to rest.  Let some things slide for a few months while you recover.  Let others do some things you normally would have done.  Thirdly, seek the help of a trained Christian counselor.  I met with a pastoral counselor once a week and saw a Christian psychologist once a month which was required by my insurance company for the medicine I was taking.  These people understood what I was going through, and my healing was quicker because of their help.  Fourth, know that you will get better.  There were times I wondered if my depression would ever end, and one of the things that gave me hope was the constant reminder by those caring for me that I would get better.

If you are battling depression right now, please feel free to contact me and let me know how I might help you.  I care.  I really do.

Pastoral care and counseling

When I began my pastoral ministry I believed that one of my responsibilities was to offer counseling to people.  One of the reasons why I decided to begin attending a Bible school after being at the church for eighteen months was because I felt inadequate in counseling.  I assumed I would learn a lot about counseling people at this Bible school.  I was wrong.  I had one class in pastoral care and none in counseling.  That didn't stop me from trying to provide counseling to people though until one day I made two interesting discoveries.  One, I really wasn't very good at counseling, and, two, as a bivocational pastor I didn't have the time to spend in a long-time counseling relationship.  It was at that point that I decided I needed to refer people to persons who had been specifically trained in counseling and had the experience and resources to offer real value to those who needed it.  I found a Christian counseling service in a nearby community and began to refer persons who came to me for counseling to them.

Having worked with a number of pastors over the years I believe it would benefit most of them if they began to refer persons who come to them for counseling to those who are trained to do it properly.  I've seen too many well-intentioned pastors do more harm than good when they have tried to counsel people without proper training in that area of ministry.  Just because someone is a licensed or ordained minister it does not mean they are prepared to offer counseling to people.  Counseling is a ministry that requires certain skill-sets and knowledge to do it properly.  It sometimes requires numerous sessions to find the root cause of the problem that brought them to seek counseling.  Few pastors, and especially bivocational ones, have the time to invest in that type of commitment.  One of the first things I would recommend a minister do when he or she begins a ministry in a new church is to seek out the Christian counselors in the area and contact them.  Find out a little about their counseling ministry and how their theology impacts that ministry.  When you find one with whom you are comfortable you can ask if it would be OK for you to refer persons to them.

This does not mean that you abandon those who come to you for help.  When I determined that someone needed more help than I could provide I would give them the name and phone number of the counseling center and ask them to contact them to set up an initial appointment.  I asked them to contact me after their first appointment so we could meet again.  What I offered to do was to meet with the individual or couple once a month as long as they were in counseling to walk with them through this experience.  I would provide pastoral care while they received professional counseling.  One interesting thing I discovered was that few of them ever made an appointment with the counselor.  Even though the center I referred them to worked with a sliding pay scale based on their income, if they couldn't get free counseling from the pastor they wouldn't get it.  That told me they really weren't that motivated to resolve their issues in the first place so any time I would have spent with them would probably have been wasted.  People who really want help will seek it out regardless of what they have to do to receive it.

I would encourage the pastors reading this to think back to recent counseling experiences you've had.  Was the time the people spent with you helpful for them to resolve their issues?  How much progress did you make with them, and how did it affect the time you had available for the other areas of ministry responsibility you have?  Were you able to get at the root causes of their issues or did you merely address the surface symptoms?  If you did not address the root causes there is a good chance they will be back.  For many of us, people who need counseling would be better served if we referred them to skilled Christian counselors while we provided pastoral care during this time in their lives.

For more information regarding the ideas in this post and other suggestions on how you can ease the pressures of ministry I encourage you to read my book.

Pastors and counseling

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I recently received a call from a student at the university where I received my undergraduate degree.  It's time to hit up alumni for donations, but of course she had to act like she was interested in what I had been doing since graduating before asking for money.  When she found out I was in the ministry she did ask some good questions and seemed quite interested in the answers.  As a psychology major she wanted to know if I did much counseling when I served as a pastor.  My response was that I did when I was younger in the ministry until one day I realized I wasn't a very good counselor.  I believed I better served my congregation and others who came to me for assistance when I made that discovery, and it's a discovery other ministers probably need to make as well.

I had one psychology course in college and a pastoral care course in Bible school.  That's about enough knowledge to become dangerous.  No way does that equip a pastor for a counseling ministry.  Many of the churches I've assisted in finding a new pastor have listed counseling as one of the traits they are looking for in their next pastor until I ask them if they mean they want someone who has a degree in counseling or just someone who will meet with people having problems and try to help them through those difficulties.  They usually want the latter, and that begins my lecture about not confusing that with counseling.

Too many pastors seem to believe their seminary degree equips them to be a counselor.  Even worse are those in the ministry without any formal education who believe their calling to the pastorate includes the ability to counsel others.  Neither of these beliefs are correct.  Pastors would better serve their congregations by recognizing that unless they have specific training in counseling they need to limit their ministry to troubled people to providing pastoral care and referring those people to trained counselors for long-term assistance.

Bivocational ministers especially need to be careful about doing counseling.  Real counseling that changes people's lives often requires far more time than most bivocational ministers can provide.  When one has neither the time nor the training to do quality counseling then referrals are a must. 

When I realized that my counseling skills were very limited I was in the second session with a couple who were having marital difficulties.  I had worked with the same couple several years earlier, and when they came back to me they were still dealing with the same issues I thought were resolved earlier.  At that time I referred them to a Christian counseling service in a nearby community that I knew provided excellent counseling from a Christian perspective.  I offered to meet with them once a month to check on their progress and provide pastoral care, but that meeting would not occur until they had their first session with a counselor at the center.  As their pastor I wanted to remain involved in the healing of their marriage, but I could not lead that process.  They needed someone with the skills, training, and specific experience in that work to lead their healing.

As a pastor it's important for you to identify professional people in your community who can provide the best assistance possible to meet the needs of your congregation.  Certainly, at the top of that list should be some Christian counselors you trust who you can refer people to when the need arises.  That will give the people you serve the best of both worlds.  They can receive pastoral care from you and skilled counseling from persons who have been trained to provide that ministry.