Ministry and suicide

I just finished reading an article about another pastor who took his life. I'm sure both his family and congregation are struggling to understand why this happened. They are probably also wondering how they missed warning signs. Over the next few months they will deal with a lot of mixed emotions while dealing with the loss of someone I'm sure they loved very much.

I never met this pastor, and, in fact, had never heard his name before reading the article. I don't know what was going on in his life, what struggles he might have had or what prompted the decision to end his life. None of us are in a position to judge his actions.

Two pastors I have known have taken their lives. One was actually a childhood friend. I do not know why either one ended their lives. No doubt they were struggling with issues that led them to that decision. I wish either one of them had talked to me about whatever their issues were.

Much has been written in recent years about the pressures of being in the ministry. Many pastors have left the ministry because of those pressures. Certainly, the ministry does involve pressure. As a pastor and a former regional minister, I have felt those pressures many times. Once, the pressure became so overwhelming that I fell into clinical depression and sought counseling to understand what was happening and how to overcome it, and I did overcome it. I also learned better coping strategies to ensure I would not experience depression again. Even in my deepest depressed state, I never considered suicide as an option. Perhaps, that was because of the support I was receiving from my family and my counselor.

To any minister, or anyone else, reading this who is thinking about taking his or her life due to the pressures of living, seek help. Tell someone what you are thinking. Call a counseling center as I did. Talk to your family doctor. Call the ER. Tell someone. I've known pastors who seriously needed to enter counseling due to depression or another mental illness who refused to do so. They didn't want to appear weak. Some have the misguided belief that seeking outside help would demonstrate a lack of faith in God. Let me be blunt: That's stupid! If you broke your leg I'm sure you would see a doctor to repair the damage. Seeing a counselor for depression or to avoid suicide is no more a lack of faith than having a doctor repair a broken leg.

Committing suicide does not relieve the pain a person is feeling. It just passes it on to others who loved that person very much. Please, talk to someone before ending your life. 

What can your church do to address the growing suicide problem in the US?

A couple of years ago I was speaking with someone about the suicide problem we were facing. He told me that for the past several months we had been averaging one suicide per week. When you live in a county of less than 17,000 people that is a big number. Many of these were young people. In some cases, it could not be definitely proven that the death was caused by suicide so the actual number might have been even higher. Unfortunately, this is not a problem confined to one area but is a problem throughout our nation. Here we are, a nation considered by many to offer the greatest advantages of any country, with a serious suicide problem. How can our churches address this?

This is one of the issues I address in my latest book Is Your Church Ready for Ministry in the Coming Decade?. I wrote this book because the issues churches face today are much different than the ones we dealt with when I began my ministry in 1981. In the 20 years I served as pastor our congregation never had one suicide. It wasn't until I went into denominational ministry that a member of our church had a spouse commit suicide. The pastor who followed me would not officiate at the funeral so the family called me, and I agreed to minister to them. Unfortunately, today not many pastors can avoid ministering to a family dealing with the trauma of a family member taking their life.

In the book I cover how to minister to one who is considering suicide. I learned, through dealing with a family member who struggled with this, that they will give some obvious hints they are considering ending their lives. People like telling you their stories, and if you listen you will hear the story behind the story.  A counselor, who was treating this family member, called to tell me she felt this person was again considering suicide. When we confronted this family member, and she admitted this was true, we were able to get her some additional help and prevented her from going through with her plans. Do you know what to look for in a person considering suicide? I share some of those things in this book.

The book also addresses how to minister to the family of one who commits suicide. This is a devastating time in a family's life, and it is critical that the minister comes alongside them with wisdom and grace. I'm not sure how many seminaries adequately prepare the minister for this type of ministry even though this ability is needed today more than ever.

Many of the persons who read this blog and my books serve in smaller churches. I included this chapter in the book because I believe this will be a growing issue that will confront more and more churches and their leaders regardless of the size of their churches. If you want some help for this topic, or the others found in the book, it is only available through Amazon as an eBook. I encourage you to check it out today.

What gives a person value?

  When we talk about the value of something there are two terms we need to keep in mind. One is extrinsic value. Something with extrinsic value has value only outside itself. For example, a hammer has extrinsic value because it can be used to do something.

Intrinsic value is the other term. Something has intrinsic value just by its existence. Its value is not dependent upon circumstances or the opinions of others. Christians believe that humans have both intrinsic and extrinsic value. We have intrinsic value because we have been created in the image of God. That alone gives us value. Furthermore, we have extrinsic value because we were created for a purpose. In contrast, atheism and secular humanism, in their rejection of the concept of God can only assign extrinsic value to people. In other words, unless others outside ourselves assign value to us, we have no value.

But what happens if value is not assigned to a group of people? Nazi Germany saw no value in Jews, Gypsies and others and tried to eliminate them from the face of the earth. For many years some in America saw no intrinsic value in slaves, and still today there are many who see no intrinsic value in people of color. In 1973 the Supreme Court decided unborn babies had no intrinsic value and made abortions legal. Today, some argue that parents should be allowed to end the life of their children up to one month of age if it is believed that the child might be a burden. These individuals contend that infants lack self-awareness and are unable to place value on themselves.

When a person believes that he or she lacks value it becomes easy to decide to take one's life. Suicide rates increased 33 percent between 1999 and 2019. A study conducted by the CDC found that one in four young adults had seriously considered suicide during the pandemic. When depression and anxiety are added to a feeling that one has no intrinsic value suicide can seem like the easy way to escape the pain.

The Bible makes clear that all persons have intrinsic value. It tells us that are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God with value and purpose. We do not have value because someone has given it to us. Our value comes to us from God who created us and loves us unconditionally. We are not the product of chance and circumstance but are fearfully and wonderfully made by God.

If you are struggling with the feeling that you don't matter, that your life is meaningless I encourage you to talk to a pastor. Begin reading the Bible. Contact me and let me help you address those feelings. You are precious in God's sight. He truly does love you and sees great value in you.

Suicide

A leader in our community took his life last week. Although we are in a small community, our local newspaper recently reported that we average about one suicide each week. Various groups, including the ministerial association, have been addressing the problem, but so far that figure seems to be holding steady.

I did not know this leader so I know nothing of his life, his faith, or the reasons he decided to end his life. I would assume he was carrying some pain that he no longer felt he could live with. The problem is that suicide does not end the pain. It merely transfers it to other people: family, friends, other loved ones. I've heard several who knew him question whether there was anything they could have done to have prevented this. There is little anyone can do if a person is determined to end his or her life.

After a major stroke my mother attempted to end her life several times. She could never give a reason why except to say that she was tired of living with the limitations she had as a result of the stroke. Once, her counselor called to tell me that she felt Mom was suicidal again. We had her admitted to a hospital until the doctors felt that had passed.

Many pastors serve churches in which family members have lost loved ones to suicide. Occasionally, I hear ministers announce suicide is the unforgivable sin as the one who ends his or her life cannot ask God's forgiveness. This not only reflects very poor theology; it also brings tremendous pain to those whose loved ones ended their lives.

How should pastors address suicide? The first thing is to learn as much as they can about the causes of suicide. As they talk to members of their churches they need to be watching for signs that the person may be considering this step. Such warning signs are not always apparent, but many times they are. Mom's counselor could not tell me that Mom was going to attempt suicide, but she could tell me that she detected signs that she was considering it again. Learn those signs.

The second thing is to develop a good understanding of the grace of God. Is our salvation based upon our asking forgiveness for every sin or is it based on what Christ did for us on the cross? If it is based on our being forgiven for every sin, we are all in trouble because I doubt that anyone asks forgiveness every time they sin.

The third thing is to talk about suicide. We need to let people know there are alternative ways of dealing with the pain in their lives, and that suicide is not the answer. Don't be afraid to address it in sermons and Bible studies. Have it as a topic in a small group. Ask someone qualified to do so to host a recovery group for persons who have lost loved ones to suicide.  Work with other area churches and mental health leaders to host a community-wide workshop on preventing suicide in your community. There are many things you can do. Decide what will work best in your community.