The church and mental illness

One of the chapters in my ebook "Is Your Church Ready for Ministry in the Coming Decade?" addresses the church's response to mental illness.  According to one study of 500 churches, over 98% of the responding pastors said they knew members in their congregation who suffered from some form of mental illness. Yet, only 12.5% of those same pastors reported that mental health issues were ever discussed in the church. There seems to be a major disconnect here.

It is estimated that 1 in 4 adults sitting in our pews each week and 1 in 5 children are dealing with mental illness. Their needs are being ignored by the majority of our churches. We have no problem offering healing to those with physical, financial or relational issues, but we seem to avoid those with mental health issues. Perhaps we forget that many of our giants in the faith struggled with mental health challenges. Martin Luther, Charles Spurgeon and J. B. Phillips among others struggled at times with depression.

As I point out in my book, there are a number of misconceptions Christians have about mental illness which may result in our reluctance to address it. Some believe that mental illness is a sign of a lack of spiritual growth and maturity. They would advise the person suffering from a mental illness to pray more, read their Bibles and trust God. Others think that mental illness is the result of unconfessed sin. Some insist that mental illness is a sign of demonic possession. When we have such misconceptions we tend to offer simplistic solutions, which when they fail, can make the problem worse.

Unfortunately, too many churches continue to teach that a Christian seeking treatment for mental illness is committing a sin. They see if as a lack of faith. In their view, taking medication or seeing a counselor for treatment is showing a lack of faith in God. Teaching such as this can cause even more anxiety in a person who does not need that anxiety.

I've been very open about my battle with depression in the mid-1980s. For a year I took anti-depression medication and saw a counselor weekly until the depression left me. During that time I continued to pastor my church and work a full-time job although there were days when that was a struggle. I also learned a lot about myself and a lot about God. One of the things I learned as I emerged from that depression was that God truly would never leave me nor forsake me. It became more that a Bible verse I believed; I now knew it from personal experience.

What can the church do to provide a positive ministry to those dealing with mental illness? First, I recommend that pastors and others in leadership speak openly about it. I have shared my testimony in many settings, and every time people came to me privately and thanked me for being so open. Second, I recommend that pastors be careful in their use of language. Being careless in how one speaks of those dealing with mental illnesses can be very hurtful even when that it not the intent. Third, it is helpful to understand what can cause various types of mental illnesses. Rather than clinging to misconceptions study the issue for yourself and learn what causes these problems. One reason I included this chapter in the book is so I could offer a brief overview of some of the causes. Finally, be careful about diagnosing and treating those with mental illness. Unless you are a trained counselor it's best to refer those who think may be dealing with a mental illness to trained people. Always be willing to provide pastoral care, but leave the counseling to those trained to do so.

Pastors and depression

While driving around yesterday I heard a caller talking to a radio host about her battle with depression and how physical exercise helped her deal with her illness. I picked up the conversation about its half-way point, and it was obvious the host and caller knew each other. The radio host admitted he had dealt with depression for much of his adult life as well and began each day with a cardio workout to help deal with his condition. What struck me was how open and honest they were being about their struggle with depression with tens of thousands of potential listeners to the program and how many people may be helped because of that honesty.

Regular readers of this blog or some of my books know that I experienced depression during the mid 1980s and my own susceptibility to the disease. Many pastors struggle with the same condition, but not all are willing to be as open about their struggle as I have been or these individuals on the radio were. Too many Christians have the mistaken belief that being depressed is a spiritual condition or that it represents a weak faith. Some well-known pastors and church leaders have said as much. I want to say as humbly and kindly as possible that those who say such things have no idea what they are talking about. Depression is a medical condition that has no relation to one's spiritual condition or faith in God. It often is caused by physical conditions such as low levels of neurotransmitters in the brain or other similar conditions, none of which have anything to do with one's relationship with God.

My own depression was due to such conditions brought about by poor self-care at the time. Pushing myself beyond what is healthy caused the neurotransmitters in my brain to become so low it was difficult to function. I recognize now that my body had to shut down in order to heal itself. Medication and weekly meetings with a pastoral counselor helped speed up that process, but the body had to heal itself, and since I wouldn't take better care of myself my body had to intervene itself to heal.

Pastoral ministry is demanding and takes a lot from a person. If we do not practice good self-care we can experience not only depression but a lot of other medical conditions as well. For some reason, too many of us in ministry think we can abuse ourselves and not suffer the consequences for doing so. For too long I believed the foolish idea that I would rather burn out than rust out. Hey...either way you're out! Unfortunately, some pastors still believe in being martyrs so they refuse to take care of themselves and so limit their usefulness to their ministries, their churches, their families, and themselves.

Even when pastors suspect they might be depressed they refuse to admit it or talk about it. This sets them up for even more failure later on in their own lives and prevents them from being able to minister to those in their congregations who might be experiencing depression themselves. Not once have I ever referred to my bout with depression in a church that someone in that church didn't come to me afterwards thanking me for my honestly and asking for prayer for their own battle with the illness.

Please, pastors, take care of yourselves for your sake and that of your family and ministry. Church leaders, if you suspect your pastor might be struggling with depression arrange for a private conversation with him or her about it. Encourage them to seek medical treatment, or at least encourage them to get a professional opinion to determine if your concern is valid or not. 

There is no shame in being depressed. It is no different than being diagnosed with the flu or having a broken leg. There is treatment available so avail yourself of it. Learn what might trigger depression in your life and find ways to avoid those triggers. Take care of yourself, please.

Bivocational pastors must practice good self-care

People who know my story know that I was a bivocational pastor of a small, rural church for 20 years. They also know that a few years into that ministry I was diagnosed with clinical depression. Prior to that diagnosis I had spent four years attending a Bible college, working full-time in a factory, driving 100 miles each way to attend school, pastoring the church and being a husband and father. It's a wonder the depression didn't kick in sooner than it did!

Although the church allowed me two weeks vacation each year I never took but one. I never took a Sunday off and was very poor at delegating any ministry responsibilities to anyone else. I had always said I would rather burn out than rust out, but it wasn't until the depression hit that I realized how stupid that was. Either way you are out!

I was on medication and in counseling for a year before recovering from the depression. It was a difficult year, but it was also a learning opportunity. I learned that if I didn't take care of myself there would come a time when I couldn't care for anyone else. I learned that self-care wasn't selfishness. It was stewardship of a valuable resource...me. I learned how important it was to take time for myself and my family.

After the depression ended I requested three weeks vacation and a few years after that I asked for a fourth. The church never hesitated, and I took every one of them. I found some hobbies I enjoyed doing and began to set aside time for them. I no longer felt I had to attend every church meeting. If I began to feel stressed I sought to find the stressor and address it before it created problems.

Pastors are often better at caring for others than they are in caring for themselves. This is true of both bivocational and fully-funded pastors. Most of us enter the ministry to serve people, and we often do that without considering our own well-being. Many of us have no one to talk to about our issues, our struggles, our pain. Too often we don't even talk about it to our spouses because we don't want to burden them down with our problems.

What can pastors do to practice good self-care? I addressed this in my book The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry. Let me share just a few things from that book.

Everyone needs someone to talk to. This includes pastors. Some pastors have fellow clergy with whom they can discuss some of their challenges. Others have regular appointments with therapists or pastoral counselors. I was contacted earlier this week by an individual asking if assigning chaplains to churches would be helpful. I assured him it would but suggested that in many cases it might be better to assign a chaplain to an association or a group of associations to ensure that pastors of smaller churches would have access to a chaplain. Whoever you use must be able to maintain confidentiality, they must believe in you, and they need to be able to offer spiritual direction when needed.

Secondly, pastors need to take time away from ministry. As a Resource Minister I encouraged every church I served to provide their pastor with four weeks vacation each year. That will cost them very little in actual financial cost, but it will greatly benefit their pastor and his or her family. Furthermore, I also advocated for every church to grant their pastor a three-month sabbatical every seven years. That was an even tougher sell than the four weeks vacation. As I explained to many church leaders, their pastor is on call 24/7/365. No one else in the church has that kind of expectation placed on them. Pastors need time away to stay fresh and healthy.

Of course, it does no good for the church to offer that time away from the church if the pastor doesn't take it. That was one of my problems, and I paid dearly for it. If you think the church won't survive if you're gone then you have a very poor opinion of God. When pastors told me they couldn't be away from the church too much I reminded them that cemeteries are full of indispensable people. Chances are your church existed for years before you came, and unless the Lord returns, it will continue to exist long after you're gone. Do yourself, your family and your church a favor and take time away.

Third, develop an interest outside of ministry. After recovering from my depression I bought a bass boat. My wife and I fished in bass tournaments and spent many enjoyable hours fishing in a nearby river and area lakes. After I sold my boat I bought a motorcycle, and we spent hours riding and enjoying the outdoors. One vacation we took an eight day ride to South Dakota and toured the Badlands and saw Mt. Rushmore and Sturgis. What a great vacation! Find something you will enjoy doing to get your mind off the pressures of ministry for a time.

Pastors, you are too important to the Kingdom of God to not take care of yourself. I don't ever want to go through depression again, and I can assure you that you don't either. When God called us into the ministry He also called us to be wise enough to realize that the ministry is not a sprint but a marathon. We need to be in it for the long haul, and that will only happen if we practice good self-care.

The church and mental illness

I have been very open about my struggle with clinical depression back in the mid-1980s. It was a very challenging year as I battled the disease with medicine and counseling. One of the saddest aspects of my struggle was that I never told the congregation what I was dealing with until I had recovered. I can blame part of my reluctance to share that information on the fact that I wasn't thinking clearly for part of that time, but the real reason is probably that I wasn't sure how it would be received. I still remember thinking back then that if the sheep knew the shepherd was sick they might leave.

Generally speaking, the church does not do a good job addressing mental health issues. We are quick to pray and minister to people battling cancer or recovering from surgery, but we tend to back away when there are mental illness issues. Some in the church call mental illness the "no-casserole illness." This is a shame because there are people sitting in our pews every week dealing with such illnesses.

Leadership Journal did a survey of 500 church leaders. 98.4 percent of these leaders reported that they were aware of people within their congregations who were dealing with mental illnesses or disorders. Despite that, only 12.5 percent of these leaders said that mental illness was discussed openly and in a healthy way in their churches.

To get an idea of how prevalent mental disorders are in this country, these illnesses are the number one cause of disability in America. About 25 percent of Americans 18 years of age and older are diagnosed with a mental disorder each year. In addition, about 20 percent of children are diagnosed with some type of mental disorder as well. If our congregations are typical of the American population about 25 percent of the adults and 20 percent of the children in our pews are dealing with some type of mental illness. Unfortunately, in far too many cases they, and their families, are not getting the support they need from their churches.

These figures come from a new book I started reading this week called Troubled Minds: Mental Illness and the Church's Mission by Amy Simpson. Although I've just started reading the book it has touched me as I've thought about the people who have sat under my ministry over the years who needed ministry for these types of issues and never received it. It has made me think of my own mother who suffered from serious depression after a major stroke. Her illness was so severe at times that she had to be hospitalized. Our family felt so helpless. When she was home, which was most of the time, Dad provided most of the care she needed. He admitted to me there were times when he felt overwhelmed, but he was committed to caring for his wife.

Mental health illnesses are no different than physical health issues. Some people have asked why I went to counseling when I was depressed. My answer is that if someone has pneumonia they would go to the doctor, so why wouldn't someone seek medical help when they have a mental disorder in their lives? Mental illness is not a sign of a lack of faith; it is a disorder that needs to be treated by professionals. It is also something that the church can minister to.

I haven't read far enough in the book to learn the author's recommendations for how the church can help. One thing I've often thought the church could do is to provide some day-care for adults. Many churches have day-care centers for children, but few have such ministry for adults. None in the area in which I live have such ministries.

Think how helpful it would be if a caregiver could get away for a few hours to relax, to shop, to work or do whatever needs to be done knowing that their loved one is safe. With the increasing numbers of people with dementia and Alzheimer's Disease such a ministry will be even more needed in the future.

Maybe a church would not have sufficient resources to offer such ministry, but most churches would have people who could spend time in the home with the individual while the caregiver does what he or she needs to do. These individuals could be taught some basic information about caring for persons with mental illnesses and then allowed to provide much needed ministry.

Churches could offer support groups for caregivers of those with mental illnesses. Caregivers often feel all along and confused about what is happening and how they can best respond. Such groups can address this and support them with their prayers and fellowship. Mental health experts can be brought in to talk to the caregivers to give them additional insights and tools.

There is much the church can do, and it's important that they recognize how needed this ministry is.

Pastors are not immune from mental health issues

Jarrid Wilson, an associate pastor in a mega-church in California, was a strong advocate for mental health. He began an organization to help promote good mental health and was very open about his own struggle with depression. On Monday evening he took his life.

Sometimes people think that ministers are immune from the challenges that affects others. We're not. We struggle with the same physical and emotional problems that others battle. Too often we keep these battles private afraid or ashamed to share them openly in fear that people will think less of us. Sometimes that leads to preventable tragedy.

From news accounts I've read Wilson did not keep his battle with depression private. He was open about his struggles in his books, his sermons and on social media.

I've shared my own battle with depression in this blog, in my books, in pastor conferences I've led and in sermons. Unlike some others, my depression did not include thoughts of suicide, but it did take me into some dark times. I can't recall a time when I was open about my struggle with depression that someone didn't come to me thanking me for the hope I gave them. I pray I will never go through such a time like that again, but I am thankful that my experience has brought hope to others who were going through it.

For a year I met weekly with a Christian counselor and took medication for depression. Some Christians still believe that counseling and medication for emotional issues show a sign of weakness or a lack of faith. These same people think nothing of taking an aspirin for a headache or insulin for diabetes. There is no difference. Physical and emotional illnesses are just that...illnesses. Along with prayer we should avail ourselves of everything that can help us overcome any illness we might encounter. I'm thankful that I could see a Christian counselor who could help me understand what was happening to me and a doctor who prescribed the best medicine for my condition. Both helped speed my recovery and perhaps prevented something worse.

As a judicatory minister serving a number of churches I met pastors I was convinced were clinically depressed. I always pointed out my concern to them and encouraged them to see a doctor. I'm not sure any of them did. With one pastor's permission I shared my concern with his wife. With tears running down her face she nodded her head in agreement. She knew he was depressed. So did he. The last I knew he had done nothing about it. I think I know his reasons. None of them are valid.

The ministry can be a lonely place. It can become even lonelier when we are battling emotional and mental illnesses. It is during such times that we cannot afford to cut ourselves off from those who can help us. We need someone to talk to, someone who will love us despite what is going on inside us. We need people we can call when our thoughts threaten to overwhelm us.

We also need to talk about this from the pulpit. Struggling with emotional and mental illnesses doesn't make one less of a Christian. It doesn't demonstrate a lack of faith. There is nothing evil about seeking help from counselors or doctors for these kinds of problems. Rather than judging someone struggling with these issues this is a time for the church to gather around the individual to help love him or her back to health.

It's also a time for the church to gather around the family. This is a rough time for them as well as for the one struggling with the problem. I know my depression brought a lot of difficult times for my family. They struggled to understand what was happening to me and my year-long recovery had numerous setbacks that were difficult for everyone. The church needs to walk through this valley with the family to assure them that they are not alone in this.

Bivocational ministers must practice good self-care

For those of you not familiar with my story, I began as a bivocational pastor in 1981. When I began I had no pastoral experience and no education beyond high school. After about 18 months in the church I decided I wanted some training. About an hour from my house was a Bible college with a good reputation. The only problem was that they only offered classes in the morning, and I worked day shift in a factory an hour from my house in the opposite direction of the school.

After much prayer and talking with my wife, I transferred to third shift at my job and enrolled at the school. I would leave home at 10:00 pm, work all night and then drive 100 miles to my classes. Around noon classes would end and I would make the 50 mile drive back to my home, go to bed and start the cycle again that night. This was a two-year program, but it took me four years to complete as I could not take more than 2-3 classes a semester.

A few months after graduation I began to have problems and was diagnosed as clinically depressed. Trying to work a full-time job, pastor a church and attend classes for that length of time had depleted the neurotransmitters in my brain. It took a year of medication and counseling before I recovered. Like many pastors, I had not taken care of myself.

Yesterday's post on managing the expectations a congregation has for their bivocational pastor generated more comments than any post I've written. Today I want to address the need for us to manage our own expectations of what we can do. I paid a high price because I did not, and I don't want you to make the mistake I made.

One of my favorite sayings over the past few years is "Self-care is not selfishness; it is stewardship of a very valuable gift God has given you." Ministers are often guilty of taking better care of others than they do themselves.

As a bivocational pastor you must accept that you cannot do it all. You have obligations to your family and to your other employment as well as to the church, to God, and to your own self-care. A life well-lived is a life that is lived with proper attention given to all five of those areas of your life.

This means that you cannot possibly go to the hospital every time someone is admitted. You cannot head up every committee in your church or even attend every meeting, especially if your church is over-structured like so many smaller churches are. You cannot preach 3-4 times a week, at least not if you are serious about message preparation. You cannot be in the pulpit 52 Sundays a year. The list goes on with things you cannot do. This means you must learn to delegate.

In yesterday's post I said that churches must transition from pastoral care to congregational care. This is a more biblical form of ministry (Eph. 4), and this chapter teaches us that the duty of the pastor is to train the saints how to do ministry. Too many pastors are wearing themselves out, and leaving the ministry, because they are trying to do everything themselves instead of fulfilling their biblical role of training others to minister to one another.

When I teach this in my seminars the question is always asked how to do this when so few people in the church want to do anything. My response is that we have to ride the horses that want to run. Yes, some people don't want to do anything, but others are just waiting to be taught how so they can minister to others. Love the ones who don't want to do anything, but invest your time and energy in those who want to serve and teach them how.

Identify people who have gifts of healing and mercy and teach them how to make hospital visits. Find the people in your church who have leadership gifts and put them in charge of leading the most important teams in your church. Maybe you don't have the authority to place people on your teams or committees, but you can make suggestions to those who do have that authority. It may take time, but eventually you can have very effective people leading these teams taking a great deal of pressure off of you.

I cannot stress this enough, but listen to your spouse, if married, if they begin to tell you that you are showing signs of stress or if they or the children are feeling ignored. When I pastored I made sure my calendar included a weekly date night with my wife. I attended activities my children were involved in and even coached our son's baseball team for about six years.

Finally, be sure you do not neglect your personal time with God. I know how easy that is to do when you're trying to do so many things. There would be times when I realized I wasn't spending any time with God for my own personal development. My time in the Word was to prepare messages, and my prayer life too often was inconsistent. God called us to be something before He called us to do something.

My book The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry includes more information on these topics, and much more about maintaining a healthy life as a pastor. I also have a seminar on this important topic that I can present to your judicatory or other group if you are interested. Be kind to yourself.

Enjoying a balanced life and ministry

As a young bivocational pastor I adopted the attitude that I would rather burn out than rust out. That was really dumb! Either way, you're out! And I nearly was.

I've shared before in this space how, in the mid-1980s, I experienced clinical depression. For a year I took medication and visited a pastoral counselor every week as I worked my way out of that depression. I continued to function  reasonably well. I worked every day at my factory job and pastored the church, but it took all the energy I had to do that. There was not much left for my family or anyone else. It was a very rough time, and it could have all been avoided.

I had to learn how to maintain a healthy balance in my life. I had to learn how to set priorities and how to say no. I had to learn that not everything was an emergency that needed my immediate attention even if some people thought otherwise. I had to learn how to listen to my body and spirit when they would warn me I was about to get out of balance.

A few years ago I wrote The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry to share with other pastors some of the things I learned about maintaining balance in life and ministry. I thought it would be a valuable resource to the many pastors who struggle with such balance. Frankly, I've been surprised it has not sold as well as I thought. Either it has gotten lost in all the books published every year for pastors, or many in ministry are pretending they do not have a problem in this area. For some of the latter, I suggest you talk to your family members.

One of the most valuable lessons I learned during that period of my life was that if I didn't take care of myself I would soon be unable to take care of anyone. I could share story after story of the times I was present physically but not emotionally for my family and my congregation during that battle with depression. Believe me, you don't want to go through that.

To all my ministry friends out there, please take care of yourselves. Ministry is not a sprint; it is a long-distance event. Your church and your family needs you, and they need you at the top of your game. Don't allow the pressures of ministry rob you of important times with your family and your congregation. Create margin in your life and seek balance in all you do so you can enjoy the best life God has for you.

The church and mental illness

One topic that is often not addressed in many churches is mental illness. This past Sunday I preached on overcoming depression and shared my own battle with clinical depression in the 1980s. Following the service a number of people told me they had never heard a sermon on the subject before. Many thanked me for being so transparent as they shared their own stories with me.

Too many people in the church continue to treat depression as a lack of faith or believe it's a sin for a Christian to become depressed. It's neither a sign of weak faith nor a sin; it is an illness that can have a number of causes. Others criticize Christians for taking anti-depressants or other medicines for their mental or emotional struggles. I cannot understand why people who take medicine for high blood pressure would criticize someone for taking an anti-depressant. Nor can I understand someone who would go to a doctor if they had pneumonia but will criticize a person who sees a doctor to be treated for depression. Again, depression is an illness that is often effectively treated with the proper medicine and/or therapy.

In my message I shared that 2/3 of the people who battle depression never seek medical assistance. I'm sure that of that number who are Christians the reason might be the stigma some in the church still attach to depression. I can only say to those folks that they should not allow the ignorance of those who find fault in you seeking healing to keep you from that healing.

Because of my battle with depression I tend to be sensitive to the signs of depression in others. More than once I've encouraged a pastor to see his or her doctor to determine if they might be struggling with depression. One pastor in particular seemed to me to be deeply depressed. When I shared it with him and his wife, she had tears running down her cheeks. She was well aware he was struggling emotionally. He promised me he would see his doctor, but the last I heard he had still not done so.

My experience taught me a number of things. One, if you do not take care of yourself, you will find yourself unable to care for others. While I could function during my depression, I really wasn't the husband my wife deserved, the father my children needed, and the pastor my church needed. I also learned that self-care is not selfishness; it is stewardship of a valuable resource God has given you: You. He has given each of life and has a purpose for each of us. If we do not take proper care of ourselves we will be unable to live into that purpose.

Someone once said that if you preach as to hurting people you will never lack an audience. I'm convinced if you preach on depression and other mental illnesses you will find a hungry audience who needs to hear a word of hope for their situation.

Have fun this summer

Summer is usually a slower time for many churches. Church attendance often drops during the summer months as families try to squeeze in vacations, family reunions, and other activities before school resumes. In some churches, the choir disbands during the summer and other committees and/or boards may not meet.

All of this makes the summer a great time for pastors to get away and enjoy more family time as well. I will be preaching for a friend of mine soon as he and his family enjoy a two week vacation on an Alaskan cruise. Another church recently called asking about my availability to fill their pulpit while their pastor goes on sabbatical this summer.

Unfortunately, not every pastor will take advantage of the slower summer months to get away. I know because for many years in my earlier ministry I didn't, and in my work as a judicatory leader I met many other pastors that made the same mistake I made.

I shared before in this blog about my bout with clinical depression in the 1980s. The root cause for the depression was that I had over-extended myself. I had pushed myself almost to the point of exhaustion until I had nothing left. I never slowed down even when I had the opportunity. The counseling I received during my recovery helped me learn to take better care of myself.

It wasn't long after I had conquered the depression that I bought my first bass boat. At least once a week after work my wife and I would be on a nearby river fishing or just enjoying the summer evening eating dinner in the boat while floating down the river. The factory where I worked had a bass club which we joined. We tried to fish all the Saturday tournaments which took us to some great fisheries in Indiana, Kentucky, and Tennessee.

After taking early retirement from the factory our fishing slowed down to the point that I sold my boat. I replaced it with my first motorcycle. Now, instead of heading to the lake we took to the road. We rode it on a 10-day vacation out west. Some evenings we would ride a couple of hours just to get an ice cream cone. One weekend we had free, and my wife asked what I planned to do. We ended up riding to Nashville, Tennessee for the weekend and came back Sunday evening. We still agree it was one of the best weekends we've ever had.

The point of all this is for you to enjoy the slower months of summer. Take advantage of the longer days and do things that are fun and relaxing. Visit your state parks and hike their trails. Take in a music festival (and it doesn't have to be a religious one!). Go to a ball game. Start a new hobby. Please take some vacation. It doesn't really matter what you do, just have some fun this summer.

The disorganized pastor

My book The Art and Practice of Bivocational Ministry: A Pastor's Guide came from my Doctor of Ministry thesis. My project was to coach several bivocational pastors and write on the results of that experience. There are ten case studies included in the book which are representational of many of the challenges bivocational ministers experience. They are also not uncommon for fully-funded pastors either. One of the chapters discusses the coaching relationship I had with the person I called the disorganized pastor.

In a coaching relationship the person being coached sets the agenda for the discussion. This pastor struggled to identify one issue to discuss in our first session but finally decided to focus on time management. The pastor admitted that feeling overwhelmed by all the demands of ministry, a second job, and family responsibilities was common.

It turned out this was a good choice for this pastor because this pastor was one of the most disorganized persons I've met. After missing two appointments for our second session I had to confront an obvious lack of commitment to the coaching process. The pastor insisted that it wasn't a lack of commitment but that so many responsibilities often led to missed appointments. I explained this demonstrated just how out of control her life had become.

It was nearly impossible to keep this pastor focused on completing anything. Like many, this pastor had become used to living in chaos. She was used to living on adrenaline which can become addictive. The problem with living like this is that one day the adrenaline is used up and will be replaced by depression and or other health issues.

This happened to me in the mid-1980s when I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I had been going for several years with little sleep and trying to juggle too many responsibilities. Eventually, my system shut down. The adrenaline ran out. I had nothing left to give. It took a year of medication and counseling to recover.

No one can do it all. Some bivocational ministers try to, but they often end up like this pastor I coached. They end up with disorganized lives that are frustrating to them, to their churches, and most of all, to their families.

Like many, this pastor needed to learn to delegate and to focus on doing those things in which she was most gifted. She needed to set priorities for her life and ministry and learn to say no to those things that were outside of those priorities. These were some of the important lessons I learned from my own experience, and they are some of the things I've tried to teach other bivocational pastors through the years.

In the book we go into this coaching relationship deeper than we can in this post, plus we also look at nine other pastors and their challenges. Chances are you might find some solutions for some of the issues you are facing. You may also decide that you are ready for a ministry coach. If so, contact me, and I'll be glad to talk with you about what that might look like.

Ministry to those hurt by the church

A few years ago I was coaching a bivocational pastor out west. You can read about this coaching relationship in my book The Art and Practice of Bivocational Ministry: A Pastor's Guide. This is one of the case studies I share in this book from various pastors I have coached over the past years. In one of our sessions I asked, "If you could do anything in your ministry you wanted to do, what would that be?"

The pastor hesitated a moment and asked if I really wanted to know the answer to that question. When I replied I was interested she said that no one had ever asked her that question before. She then responded, "I would like to begin a ministry to people who have been hurt by the church." I chuckled a little and told her that if she was able to develop such a ministry her church would not remain small for long. We then spent the remainder of our time discussing what that might look like and how she might begin such a ministry.

Unfortunately, there have been many persons hurt by the church. It is true that the church often does shoot its wounded, or at the very least we send them off into exile. Maybe its not intentional, but some churches seem to send the message that they do not want imperfect people.

Back in the 1970s before I went into the ministry I accompanied our pastor on a visitation. A young girl who did not attend our church had come forward at the close of our Vacation Bible School that year. The pastor wanted to meet the child's mother and talk about the decision her daughter had made.

The mother was pleased at the decision and was willing for her daughter to be baptized, but she wasn't sure she wanted her to become a member of our church. She explained that a few years earlier her family had attended another church in our community and was quite active in that church. One day her husband announced he was leaving her for another woman. She said the following Sunday she felt like she walked into a freezer when she went to church. Former church friends ignored her like she had a disease. When this continued for several weeks, she decided she was done with church. She wanted her daughter to be a Christian, but she didn't want her to be hurt by a church as she had been. Sadly, similar stories are repeated every day in churches across the nation.

Our coaching relationship ended soon after we discussed the possibility of this pastor starting a ministry to people who had been hurt by the church, so I do not know if she was able to develop such a ministry. What steps could a pastor and church take to create such a ministry? I'm sure there are many, but these come to mind fairly quickly.

• Cover such a ministry in prayer. Of course, this is good advice for any new ministry, but this ministry will deal with people who may still carry deep emotional scars and have serious trust issues with the church.
• Be a safe place that offers grace and acceptance of people. We don't have to agree with every choice a person makes, but we can accept people as persons created in the image of God and people for whom Christ gave his life on the cross.
• Pastors need to be more transparent. We need to admit to people when we've messed up and had to ask for God's forgiveness. We need to admit those times when our lives stink and we're struggling just to keep our heads above water. In the mid-1980s I was diagnosed with clinical depression, and it was amazing how many people began to admit to me that they were struggling with the same issue. It opened up many ministry opportunities that would have been missed if I had kept quiet about my situation.
• We need to quit hiding behind our smiley face masks. Sunday after Sunday people sit in their pews with their masks covering up what's really happening on the inside. It sends a message to others that there must be something wrong with them if they have problems because "real Christians don't have these kinds of issues."
• Realize that such a ministry will require a lot of time. People who have been hurt by the church will often have major trust issues with pastors and churches. We should not expect them to believe that the church is now a safe place. We will have to earn their trust before we can touch their hearts, and that will require a lot of patience and consistency in our words and behavior.
• We will have to love people where they are. Sometimes it helps to remind ourselves that God was willing to meet us where we were, and for some of us that was not in a very good place. How can we do any less towards those people we want to minister to?

After reading this you may feel that God is leading your church to reach out to people who have been hurt by the church. That is not a target many churches have in their sights, so you won't have much competition. As I told the pastor I was coaching, if you are able to develop an effective ministry to that group you will have a large plenty of people to serve.

When the leader loses hope

I was a pastor of one church for twenty years.  For the past fourteen years I've served as a judicatory minister serving the churches in our region.  I know how frustrating it can be for pastors who struggle to lead their churches only to see few results.  For those of us in my generation it is especially troublesome because it seems everything we learned earlier in our ministries is no longer applicable today.  The world is changing much more rapidly than our churches are willing to change, and it's changing much more rapidly than some of us can keep up with.

However, having said all that, it still bothers me when I talk with pastors and church leaders who have given up.  There is something sad about pastors and lay leaders who have lost hope.  These are people in positions of leadership in their churches and yet they have nothing to give those churches.  When you lose hope, when you can't see anything positive in what you are doing or see how things will get better, you can't lead.

Sometimes this is due to depression or burnout, but there are ways to address those.  Regular readers of this blog know that I've been very open about a period of depression I experienced in the mid-80s.  I couldn't see very much positive about what was happening in my life or ministry during those dark days, but I also knew that I was depressed.  Counseling and medication corrected that condition within a few months and I regained my confidence and hope.

The problem comes when the lack of hope isn't the result of illness but when it occurs because of difficulties in the church.  People leave for another church.  Controllers in the church create on-going problems.  Finances and attendance continues to decline.  First-time guests never return.  People claim they want growth but refuse to accept the changes necessary for such growth to occur.  It become more difficult to find volunteers.  The list of problems goes on and on, and it can become overwhelming.

Well...if you have been called to the ministry this is part of what that calling entails.  Did you think that the ministry was going to be all sunshine and roses?  Did you think your ministry was supposed to be easier than Jesus' ministry?  If so, I've got real bad news: it won't be.  There will be people who will disappoint you, who will hurt you, who will say negative things about you, and who will resist your leadership.  Your church may not grow as fast as the new church in town.  Again, the list goes on and on.

We can't control events outside ourselves or how others will behave; we can only control how we respond to those events and individuals.  If we allow those negative things to take away our hope then we have nothing to offer our churches.  If a pastor spends the majority of his or her time feeling sorry about himself or herself and complaining about how hard ministry is and how this church isn't ever going to do better, then he or she needs to resign immediately and probably leave the ministry.  Your church deserves better and probably won't ever improve as long as you are in the role of their leader.

A church will never overcome its challenges and problems with leaders who have lost hope that things will ever improve.  One cannot lead without hope, and it takes leadership to turn things around.

How does a leader regain and maintain a sense of hope?  Instead of focusing on the negative things begin to re-examine all the positive things that have happened under your ministry.  Look at the difference your ministry and church have made in the lives of other people.  Take a fresh look at the new ministry opportunities that exist in your community and begin to ask God how he would have you respond.  Quick looking at the resources you don't have and determine what resources are available, and then discuss among the leadership how those resources can best be used for ministry.  Spend more time with positive people who are excited about what's happening in their lives and ministries.  (BTW - If you walk around like Eeyore these people will avoid you like the plague, and you need to stay away from people like that too!)  Most importantly, refocus on God's call on your life and upon him.  God called you because he has great things for your ministry and the confidence that you can do them with his help.  Begin to believe in yourself and your ministry as much as he does and see if your hope doesn't return.

Back from vacation

You may have noticed a lack of posts on this blog for the past couple of weeks.  (At least, I hope you did!)  My wife and I spent that time on vacation at Panama City Beach enjoying perfect weather, fresh seafood, and some much needed rest and relaxation.  During that time we celebrated our 48th anniversary which made it an even more special vacation.  I did absolutely nothing that even resembled work including writing on this blog and posting articles on Twitter.  The ones that were on Twitter during our vacation were scheduled in advance a week before we left for our vacation.

Early in my ministry we seldom took such vacations.  Part of it was due to finances, but much of it was due to my just not wanting to get away that long.  For some reason I guess I believed that if I was away bad things would happen.  Talk about arrogance!  I guess I just didn't think God could do it if I wasn't there.

Looking back I believe that my not taking time away was one of the contributing factors that led to my bout with clinical depression in the mid-1980s.  We are not the Energizer Bunny.  We are not made to keep going and going.  We need time to get away from the regular activities of our lives to refresh ourselves, and if we are not willing to do that for ourselves our bodies and emotions will eventually shut themselves down in order to protect us from ourselves.

Unfortunately, I meet too many pastors who continue to think as I did.  One friend of mine has struggled with what I believe to be depression for several years.  He has served his church for years and has enjoyed a very productive ministry, but it is obviously taking a toll on him.  He never takes all the vacation his church provides for him.  I've urged him to take a sabbatical, and leaders in his church have told me they have offered him one, but he refuses.  I worry about him and his family.

Other pastors show me their schedules and brag about how full they are as if their overbooked schedules are a badge of honor.  I ask them what happens if an emergency occurs?  How will you fit that into your full schedule?  They just look at me not understanding that it is only a matter of time before something occurs that isn't scheduled in their neat, tidy little Day Planner.

When I first actually began taking real vacations it would take me two or three days before I could relax enough to enjoy it.  Two days later we would return home.  Obviously, something needed to change!  For the past few years we've been taking 10-12 day vacations which provides much more time to relax.  I've also purposely slowed things down as much as possible a few days before leaving for vacation to make it easier to relax.  Now, when I arrive at the beach I can sit back in my chair and just enjoy the sand and the sea.  I'm relaxed from Day One.

This year some of our grandchildren were at the beach as well which made this vacation a little different than previous ones.  The older ones wanted to try the old man in a game of pool in the common room until they learned that the old man had spent many hours of his misspent youth in pool rooms.  They weren't any happier after a few games of ping pong either.  They were happier after convincing me to try my hand at Paddleboarding in the ocean.  I only fell off the board three times before finding my balance, but I also refused to go out from the shore as far as they did.

One of these days I'll be gone, and no one will talk about the church committee meetings I attended and the wonderful prayer I gave at the Women's Mission Circle banquet.  However, my grandchildren will probably talk about the week they spent at the beach with their Papaw, and my wife will remember how we celebrated our 48th anniversary sitting on the beach, holding hands, and watching the ocean waves.  Rest, relaxation, and the making of memories.

How did you spend your vacation?

Take time to refresh yourself

A few days ago I shared an article on Twitter that looked at the need for pastors to take time to pause and refresh themselves.  A FB friend pointed out that may be the toughest thing for a bivocational pastor.  There is often little time to pause between the ministry requirements we need to meet and the demands of our other jobs.  Of course, he was right.  It is tough, but that doesn't make it any less necessary.

In a recent blog post I shared an experience I had in the mid-1980s with clinical depression.  The cause of that depression was that I had over-extended myself.  I won't go into the details for the sake of time, but for four years I had lived with little sleep and lots of adrenaline.  Eventually, that adrenaline wears out and depression is often the result.  To say I was busy would be an understatement, and I accomplished a lot during that time, but it was at a great personal cost.  I was not responding to demands the church was making.  The church I served for two decades was always good about respecting my personal time.  My over-extension was due to choices I made.

I went from one activity to another with little time in between.  We seldom went anywhere on vacation or even took little day trips to get away.  The church provided me with two weeks vacation, but I seldom took more than one week.  Eventually, it caught up with me as it will anyone who abuses themselves as I was doing.

My book, The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry, includes many of the things I learned in the process of healing.  One of those learnings is that you must take responsibility to care for yourself.  For bivocational ministers, the first of the four spiritual laws is that "God loves you, and everybody has a wonderful plan for your life."  If you don't control your schedule somebody else will, and I can almost assure you they will not have the same priorities for your life that you have.

After the depression I began taking both weeks of vacation from church.  A few years later they increased that to four weeks, and I took all of them.  We bought a bass boat and my wife and I began spending some evenings and Saturdays fishing.  We scheduled a regular weekly date night to get away from town.  These dates were written on my calendar just like any other appointment, and if someone asked me to do something when we had a date scheduled I just explained that I had another appointment at that time and could not do it.

I also learned the value of blocking out periods of time for important tasks.  When I began my doctoral studies I went through my calendar and blocked out 2-3 hour periods of time a couple of time a week for uninterrupted reading.  I was surprised how seldom other things interfered with that schedule, but I know without doing that other "important" things would have demanded my attention and kept me from doing the reading that was required.

As I wrote earlier, the church I served was very understanding and even protective of my time.  Not every church is like that, however.  You may need to do some training to help them understand your need to refresh yourself.  Dr. Phil says that we teach people how to treat us, and I think too many ministers have taught their congregations over the years that it is OK to demand their pastors to be available to them 24/7/365 for whatever reason.  If you are in such a church you may need to train them that it is not OK.

Sometimes, like in my earlier ministry, we ministers put these unrealistic expectations on ourselves.  Some people go into the ministry because they need to be needed, and they teach people to become dependent upon them.  Some seem to believe that they must be constantly present or things won't get done.  Maybe they even think God can't do it if they aren't there to help.  I would encourage such persons to drive through the nearest cemetery.  It's full of indispensable people.  They died, and the world continues on just fine in their absence.  Take time to rest and refresh yourself so you don't join them before your time.

When ministers battle depression

The suicide deaths of Robin Williams and last year that of Rick Warren's son has triggered quite a discussion in many Christian circles about depression.  Some have been highly critical of Christians who suffer from depression while others have called for greater understanding and more discussion in churches about the illness.  I fall in the latter camp.  I have also battled depression in my own life.

My first encounter was in the mid 1980s.  I was working full-time in a factory, serving as a bivocational pastor, attending a Bible college about an hour from my home, and trying to be a husband and father.  For four years I attended classes, and each class required about a 200 mile round trip drive from my house to work to school and back home.  A few months after graduating I began to have problems.  My doctor and a Christian counselor both diagnosed me with clinical depression.  For much of the next year I was in weekly counseling and on medication.  I continued to work and pastor the church, but it was a struggle.

The struggle was made worse because no one knew of my condition except my wife and our children.  I shared it with no one.  There were Sundays it took everything I could do to preach.  That summer I had planned to preach through the book of Daniel (not something I would now recommend anyone doing who is already depressed!).  I still remember the Sunday I was preaching on "Faith for the Fiery Furnace."  It took all I could do to not run out of the church that morning.  During the special music the thought kept going through my head that I had to be the biggest hypocrite in the world.  I was about to preach on faith for the fiery furnace, and I didn't have enough faith to blow out a match.

When I had recovered I shared with our congregation what I had been going through and apologized for not telling them sooner.  I admitted I should have told them sooner and asked them to pray for me and walk with me through my healing.

My healing took much of a year, and I consider that a year of my life that was lost.  However, there was much good that came from that experience.  For one, I have had many opportunities to minister to persons struggling with depression.  Because I have been where they are, they are willing to trust me. I have also been able to recommend persons to see their doctors when I have suspected depression in their lives.

I learned a lot about depression during that year.  I learned that it is an illness just like any other illness.  No one would hesitate going to a doctor if they had pneumonia so why should they hesitate to see one if they are depressed?  I learned that it is very treatable, and the quicker the treatment begins the quicker a person can often recover.

An important part of my education was about how to avoid future depressions.  Mine was caused from a lack of sufficient rest and living too much on adrenaline.  Because I failed to take care of myself my body shut itself down to protect itself.  I learned that self-care is not selfishness; it is stewardship.  It is stewardship of a very important treasure God has given you: you.  It is essential that we take time out to enjoy life, that we get sufficient rest, that we eat well if we want to stay emotionally healthy.

I also learned how to recognize if I am drifting towards depression.  Due to some unusual stresses a few years ago I found myself starting down that dark road again.  However, this time I was able to avoid it by talking to people, praying, and taking steps to avoid becoming depressed.  Thanks to the grace of God and the lessons I learned from the earlier struggle I was able to avoid depression that time.

Although I refused to talk about it when I was going through it, I have been quite open about it since my recovery.  We might be surprised to find how many people in our churches are struggling with depression and are afraid to say anything for fear of being judged.  I want people to know there is no shame in being depressed.  Again, it's an illness.  It's not a sign of spiritual immaturity.  It's not a sign of little faith.  It's not demon possession.  It's an illness that can be treated, and part of that treatment should come from the church as we love people and pray for them as they battle this illness.

The biggest mistake I made during my depression was not sharing my situation with our congregation.  They would have loved me, prayed for me, and protected me.  My healing may have been much quicker.  If you are a minister who is struggling with depression I encourage you to share that with your church.  If your church would not understand or think that there is something spiritually wrong with you then you are probably in the wrong church.  The second thing you need to do is to slow down.  Give yourself permission to rest.  Let some things slide for a few months while you recover.  Let others do some things you normally would have done.  Thirdly, seek the help of a trained Christian counselor.  I met with a pastoral counselor once a week and saw a Christian psychologist once a month which was required by my insurance company for the medicine I was taking.  These people understood what I was going through, and my healing was quicker because of their help.  Fourth, know that you will get better.  There were times I wondered if my depression would ever end, and one of the things that gave me hope was the constant reminder by those caring for me that I would get better.

If you are battling depression right now, please feel free to contact me and let me know how I might help you.  I care.  I really do.