The pastor's presence

One of the things I have enjoyed in my 40+ years of serving in smaller churches is the ability to be with people. I enjoy spending 15 minutes or so before the worship service walking around the sanctuary speaking with the folks who are gathered there. It gives an opportunity to learn how things are going in their lives. This informal time allows me to joke with and laugh with individuals. One gentleman in the church I now serve apologized one morning saying that a new medicine he was taking made it difficult for him to stay awake any time he sat down,, and he might doze off during the sermon. I told him that was fine as long as he didn't share any of that medicine with the rest of the congregation. This kind of conversation enables the pastor to build relationships and connect with people on a less formal pastor-congregant level, and I believe this is important for a pastor to enjoy a successful ministry.

Any time I see guests in the service I always make a point of introducing myself and learning as much about them as time permits. Once when I was a Resource Minister in our region I visited one of my churches for their worship service. When the pastor saw me sitting there he came over to speak to me. After he walked away a gentleman sitting in front of me turned around and asked if that was the pastor. That was his first time in that church, but even though the pastor walked past him he never acknowledged him or spoke to him. 

Having never pastored a large church I suppose it might be more difficult to greet people prior to the service. Frankly, it would be hard for me to not be able to spend that time with the congregation prior to the worship service. I just believe that there are ministry opportunities available in those spontaneous conversations. If nothing else, there is the ministry of presence where you are present with that individual even for just a few minutes. Occasionally, something is said that makes me think a follow-up conversation is needed. I can call them that week and see if we need to continue our conversation.

I know how busy pastors are. I also know that many pastors do not like to have idle conversations just before the service begins as they feel it distracts them from their message. I would suggest if they are not more comfortable with their sermon than that they need more preparation time during the week. Our ministry is with people.

John Maxwell tells a story of when he was a pastor he was talking with some staff in the lobby of the church he served. One staff member walked in and went straight to his office without speaking. Maxwell followed him to his office and asked why he didn't stop to speak to everyone. The staff member replied he had a lot of work to do and didn't want to take the time to stop. Maxwell explained that people was his work. He said the staff member recognized the truth of that statement and became one of the best ministers on staff.

Pastors, please don't forget that people are your ministry. Just being present in their lives is a major aspect of your ministry. Some respond to that by saying they just are not a people person. My response to that is that if you cannot build relationships with people you should not be in pastoral ministry. Ministry is all about relationships, especially in the smaller church. You are not a CEO of a corporation. You are the under-shepherd of a group of people the Lord has entrusted to your care. Be present in their lives.

Where does the time go?

 The great Baptist preacher Vance Havner wrote 

A South Carolina friend told me about meeting a typical old Southern gentleman who said, "I used to come over to your town quite often in the old days. It was a day's round trip by horse and buggy. I can do it in an hour now but I don't have time!" That just about sums up the tempo - and the tragedy - of these hurried times. I noticed recently that one of our church hymnals now no longer carries the precious song, "Take Time to be Holy." Who has time to be holy? We've got a program we must put over!"

Wow! Truer words have not been written. At one time people were concerned with computers and all the other "time-saver devices" that people's biggest problem would be boredom, but I haven't found that to be a problem. Neither have most people. In fact, it's just the opposite. It seems the more time we save, the busier we are and the less time we have. 

Holiness does take time. So does relationships. I can remember growing up on the farm and spending many evenings sitting on the front porch with family or visiting neighbors. Few of us even know our neighbors today. I remember one evening coming home from a PTA meeting with Mom (do they even have those anymore?) and seeing Dad sitting on the front porch talking to a neighbor. He had come over close to dark, went back to our lake and caught a feed sack full of bull frogs. He was going to take them home to get a mess of frog legs for future meals after visiting for awhile.

Some talk about the good old days, but I doubt that many really want to go back to dirt roads, outhouses, kerosene lamps or three channels on our TV sets. What they probably mean is that they wish we again had time to build relationships with one another, spend time with our families, have time to actually sit down to think and meditate on truly important things, take long walks down country roads and spend quiet time with God.

The same is true for churches. Some of us spend so much time trying to find ways to make our churches bigger that we fail to make them deeper. Like our relationships, many churches are a mile wide and an inch deep. Too many people's faith lacks substance and depth. Even if they sing "Take Time to be Holy" a look at their lives would find little holiness.

I wonder what would happen if we slowed our lives down a little and focused more on the really important things in life and less on what others think is urgent. What if we spent more time in the Word of God and less in the things of the world? How would our lives be different? What if we spent less of our time on lesser things and began investing our time in more important things? 

Lego churches

 If you've had small children in the home you've probably had Legos. Kids and many adults love them because of the ability to build some very creative things. They are not so much fun at 2:00 in the morning when you step on one barefooted in the dark!

Most Legos have about six snap-on points. Some have more while others have less. As you connect the Legos with these snap-on points you can build just about anything you can creatively imagine. Once all the connecting points are filled you cannot connect anything else to that piece.

Think about this in relationship to the church. The key to getting new people to connect to your church is to offer them connecting points with other people in the church. Unless a new person makes a connection with others in the church in a relatively short period of time they will find the back door and you'll not see them again. The problem is that in many churches, especially smaller churches, most people have all the relationships they can maintain. It's not that they don't like the new people or that they don't want to relate to them, it's that their connecting points are all used up. So what can the church do?

The key is to offer more connecting points. This may be from starting a new Sunday school class. One church had a Young Adult class that had grown too large to allow new people to feel like they fit in. The church started a new class for that age group, and when guests came to the church in that age group they were directed to the new class. Within a few months the new class had grown substantially.

The same thing can be done with small groups. A healthy church should be regularly exploring the possibility to starting a new small group to enable new people to build connections with people in the church. This means the church must constantly be developing leaders for these groups and identifying topics that would appeal to the people in the community for these new groups.

Healthy churches will be very intentional about taking steps to create as many connecting points in the church as possible. With enough Legos you can build anything you want. With enough connecting points in the church it can grow much larger than it is.

When helping hurts

This is the time of year that many churches have Angel Trees and do other things so church members can give gifts to those who might not receive them otherwise. Food baskets will be distributed to those who might not have a good Christmas meal. Many church offices will receive numerous phone calls from people requesting assistance. Some of these individuals will call every church in town. When the gifts and food are given out everyone feels good about what has been done, but how much good has actually been accomplished? While we should celebrate the fact that a child has a Christmas gift he or she might not have had otherwise and that a family had a good, nutritious meal, we also need to take a look at the long-term effect that much of our charity work has on people. A book that has been very helpful to me on this subject is When Helping Hurts: How to Alleviate Poverty Without Hurting the Poor . . . and Yourself by Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert.

They write, "Consider the familiar case of the person who comes to your church asking for help with paying an electric bill. On the surface, it appears this person's problem is. . .a lack of material resources, and many churches respond by giving this person enough money to pay the electric bill. But what if this person's fundamental problem is not having the self-discipline to keep a stable job? Simply giving this person money is treating the symptoms rather than the underlying disease and will enable him to continue with his lack of self-discipline." The writers explain, "A better - and far more costly - solution would be for your church to develop a relationship with this person, a relationship that says, 'We are here to walk with you and to help you use your gifts and abilities to avoid being in this situation in the future. Let us into your life and let us work with you to determine the reason you are in this predicament.'"

The writers are right. This approach would be far more costly than paying a bill. It would involve time, often a lot of time, to earn the trust of the individual seeking help that would allow us access into their lives. Resistance, and even hostility, are likely to be present when we begin to identify some of the underlying issues that have created their financial problems. People who have learned to be dependent upon others often struggle to take responsibility for their own actions and choices. This will require them to learn new ways of thinking and new ways of behavior which will also take time for them to learn.

There is another cost often not considered. It is the cost of saying no to people who ask for help. There are some who have no interest in changing their lives, their way of thinking or their behavior. They want to persist in their sins and dysfunctions and expect others to meet their material needs. At that point the church needs to realize that it is not being loving by enabling such behavior. The writers point out that "the loving thing to do is to allow them to feel the burden of their choice in hopes that this will trigger positive change." It is important to point out to those in this situation that they are the ones refusing help due to their unwillingness to make the changes in their lives they need to make.

Churches have an obligation to help the poor. Jesus made this very clear as He spoke of giving a cup of cold water in His name. At the same time, our help should go beyond meeting the material needs. In order to truly help these individuals we need to enter into a relationship with them, assist them in identifying the underlying factors that have caused their financial distress, and find ways to help them overcome these factors so they can become responsible for meeting their own needs in the future.

As a result of that relationship we will also have the opportunity to share the importance of having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ if they do not already have such a relationship. Along with helping them meet their material needs we also need to be addressing their spiritual needs as well. In so doing we will be truly helping them.

Evangelism today occurs through relationships

Early in my pastorate "Invite a Friend" Sunday became a popular way of bringing new people into the church. I studied the process and encouraged our church to set a date for such an event. We followed the process and were hopeful when the Sunday finally came around. We had zero guests that day. It was a huge disappointment. Even I, the person who encouraged the church to have the event, did not bring a friend. As we later discussed what happened we discovered that we really didn't have that many unchurched friends. Our members had been Christians for so long we didn't have relationships with very many people who didn't attend a church.

This is not an uncommon problem in many traditional churches. Most of these churches are made up of senior saints who have developed most of their friendships with others in the church. Many of us have been Christians for so long and are so engaged in church activities we really don't have relationships with that many people who do not share our faith.

Over the years evangelism strategies has changed a great deal. We no longer spend our evenings knocking on doors and sharing our faith with the ones we find at home. Large crusades are not nearly as successful as they were a few years ago. Local church revivals have mostly gone by the wayside. The most effective evangelism today occurs through the relationships we have with non-Christian people. In order for that to happen Christians must develop relationships with non-Christians. Someone once said that the church must be willing to sit in the smoking section if we want to effectively reach people with the Gospel.

As in so many cases, Jesus is our example. He was not afraid to spend time with sinners and outcasts. He rubbed shoulders with people the religious leaders avoided. Rather than judging the woman at the well or the one caught in adultery He offered them grace and a new life. He didn't try to force them to follow some religious code or a list of rules; He invited them into a relationship with Him that would transform their lives from the inside. The church today is challenged to follow His example.

If we do, we can expect to hear from the religious crowd like Jesus did. People will talk and criticize you when you begin to develop friendships with the "wrong kind of people." Some will begin to question your faith.  Let them talk. While they are talking and criticizing you are doing Kingdom work.

It's important to note that we are not to develop relationships with non-Christian people just to add another notch to our evangelism gun. This isn't about trying to manipulate people to get them to make a profession of faith. It's about entering into a genuine relationship with people in which you care about every aspect of their lives including their spiritual life.

We are not be of the world, but we are to be in the world sharing our faith with all who will allow us to do so. The easiest way to do that is through the relationships we have with other people.

After our "Invite a Friend Sunday" bombed our congregation realized we needed to begin developing relationships with more people. We tried it again the next year and many in the congregation brought friends with them. Some of them became active members of our church. More importantly, they became Christ followers. Who among your friends can you introduce to the person of Jesus Christ?  

Staying connected during a pandemic

For several months the Covid pandemic closed down almost all businesses, schools and other large gatherings including churches. Many churches scrambled to get the technology and know-how to offer their services on social media or on their websites. Some churches went beyond just offering worship services online and also provided children's ministries, Sunday school classes and even secular activities to their viewers. In many parts of the country churches are now opening up and holding in-person worship services. However, many members of their congregations are still not comfortable in a large setting even if social distancing is practiced. To serve these individuals a lot of churches continue to offer online services. While this is important it's not enough. Churches must find ways to  remain connected with their members who choose to stay home.

This can be done in a number of ways. Certainly, the telephone remains a viable option as does texting and connecting through social media. While some people believe older people are not tech savvy and may not use social media or texting, they may be surprised to find out that many older persons are quite active on social media and more tech savvy than they realize.

A few years ago I was preaching a revival in a church. One night I was encouraging the church to begin using social media if they were serious about reaching younger people. I explained that I had a web site (which I've since canceled), a blog and was on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and probably sent more texts than phone calls. After the service a college student approached and asked if I was really that active on social media. When I said I was she responded, "I didn't think old people did that." Well, we do, and it's a great way to stay in contact with persons who are concerned about being out in public.

Porch visits are another way to stay in contact with members of your congregation. Most people would be comfortable with a personal visit if you didn't enter their home. Such visits would by necessity be brief, but the contact is likely to be remembered for a long time.

Sending cards is another way to staying connected. When I was in the Navy during the late 1960s I received an envelope once or twice a month from the church I was attending when I enlisted. Often, the envelope contained nothing but one or two church bulletins. Sometimes people would write little notes in the margins, sometimes they didn't. Occasionally, there would be a letter from the church. These always reminded me that little church had not forgotten me while I was away. One other thing to consider when sending cards: Have the younger children draw some cards to send to your senior saints. I can almost guarantee they will love receiving those cards.

Not only is it important that the church stays connected to their members, it's important that the church provides a way for the members to stay connected with the church. One way to do that which is often overlooked is by making it easy for members who can't attend the services in person to be able to give financially. An excellent way to do that is to offer online giving. While it may not be difficult to write a check and put it in the mail, it's a lot easier for someone to give electronically through the church's web site. BTW - The younger generation that most churches say they want to reach pays almost all their payments online. It's foreign to many of them to write a check or pay by cash. Setting up an online giving system is not difficult and allows your members who are unable to attend services in person to easily contribute to the church.

These are just some ways to stay connected with members of the congregation until it's safe for everyone to return to live services. You can probably think of other ways that will work in your setting. However you do it, be sure to not lose contact with people during this time.

Top 10 Books for 2019 6-10

Each year I share the best 10 books I read the previous year. As we begin a new year it's time to give you my top books for 2019. Today I'll share 6-10, and tomorrow we'll look at 1-5.

10. How to Lead in a World of Distraction: Four Simple Habits for Turning Down the Noise by Clay Scroggins. The author tackles a problem common to anyone in a leadership position in any organization, including churches. He is the lead pastor of one of the largest campuses of North Point Ministries in Atlanta so you know he has plenty of distractions.  In the book he shares four habits to help leaders overcome the distractions they face: the habit of finding simplicity, the habit of speaking to yourself, the habit of getting away and the habit of pressing pause. I found it to be a very practical book that most leaders would find helpful.

9. God Attachment: Why You Believe, Act, and Feel the Way You Do About God by Tim Clinton and Joshua Straub. Clinton was one of my professors when I earned my doctoral degree so I was familiar with some of the material before reading the book. Actually, this was a re-read as I first read it a few years ago. The book looks at how our relationships with others, especially family, affects our relationship with God. The authors list four attachment styles: avoidant, anxious, fearful and secure. They help the reader understand better how to improve the way they relate to God regardless of which attachment style they may currently have. I found myself in the book which triggered a lot of self-reflection on my part.

8. Thinking for a Change: 11 Ways Highly Successful People Approach Life andWork by John Maxwell. This is another re-read. Actually, I've read this book a couple of times before reading it again this year. Most of us, at least me, could learn to think better, to think deeper and to think more creatively. As Maxwell writes, "Good thinkers are never at a loss to solve problems, they never lack ideas that can build an organization, and they always have hope for a better future....A person who knows how may always have a job, but the person who knows why will always be his boss." If you want to have tools to help you think better you'll want to read this book.

7. The Prodigal Prophet: Jonah and the Mystery of God's Mercy by Tim Keller. If you've followed my top 10 book lists in the past you might remember there is always at least one book by Keller on the list. In this book he looks at the story of Jonah and then relates him to both the prodigal son and to Jesus. More importantly, he points out how this Old Testament prophet points us to the grace of God. I'll also add that if you are looking for some great sermon material, this book will preach!

6. Cultural Apologetics: Renewing the Christian Voice, Conscience, and Imagination in a Disenchanted World by Paul Gould. We live in a time when the Christian message is often muted, ignored and mocked. The author asks the question, How does the gospel get a fair hearing in this day and age?" He believes the answer lies in practicing cultural apologetics which he defines as "the work of establishing the Christian voice, conscience, and imagination within a culture so that Christianity is seen as true and satisfying." Cultural apologetics seeks to understand the culture we want to reach, how it thinks and what it is seeking from life. The believer is then ready to show how Christianity speaks to those deepest needs. This is a very good book for anyone wanting to better relate the Gospel to his or her community.

Tomorrow we'll look at the final five books on the list.

Men and the church

It's no secret that many men do not like going to church. As I've traveled to various churches throughout my ministry, especially when doing denominational work, I often found many more women and children than men in those churches. I always found that odd because when Promise Keeper's was going strong they would pack out entire stadiums with men. Obviously, it's not that men do not care about spiritual things or want to be with other Christian men, but many of them are not that interested in attending a regular church service. According to Pew Research only 20 percent of men attend church services weekly while women make up 61 percent of churchgoing adults. The question churches need to answer is why is this the case?

It's not an easy thing to answer. Some theorize that it's because churches have become feminized with the decor, messages about humility and introspection and a satisfaction with the status quo. In one article a man was quoted as saying that when he visited a new church the first thing he did was to look at the curtains. That told him all he needed to know about the church. Others insist that men avoid church because they tend to be risk takers and adventurers and the modern church often is highly risk-adverse. Many more reasons are given, but everyone agrees that men are largely absent from the church, and if they are there many of them don't seem too pleased about it.

Sitting on the platform in many churches I've seen the comparison between the women singing the hymns and praise songs while their husbands stood there with their arms folded staring straight ahead. I've noticed that men tend to fall asleep during the message at a higher rate than the women, and many that are awake are more apt to be looking at their phones than paying attention to the message.

Today's church needs to do a better job of reaching men. We need to talk about the problem instead of ignoring it like the elephant in the room. We need to rethink our sermons to make sure they are relevant to today's issues and challenges. We need to ensure that we offer ministry opportunities and events that appeal to men.

Any time there is an event such as a hurricane, or tornado or significant flooding you will see church groups go the affected area to help people rebuild their lives. This type of ministry appeals to many men. They are far more likely to grow as disciples of Christ doing something like this than they would sitting in a small group for ten weeks studying about discipleship.

The church's calendar should include events that will be appealing to men. While on vacation in Florida I recently attended a church's "Beast Feast." They had a large cookout that featured alligator, venison meat loaf, wild boar and a number of sides. There was a car show in the parking lot of the church. After the meal we went inside where a number of prizes were given away that included camping equipment, fishing equipment, guns, knives, several other items and a 4X4. A speaker shared how he had given his life to Jesus Christ after surviving an attack by a mountain lion. He had been featured on Oprah Winfrey and in several publications. It was a powerful message. I estimate there may have been close to 1,000 men and boys in attendance.

Maybe your church couldn't offer something that big, but there are similar things any church can do that will attract men. One associational men's group held a turkey shoot a few years ago I attended. We had a great time. What's important is that we show men that they don't have to give up their masculinity to become a Christian or become active in a church.

Men need the church, and the church needs men. Most of all, men need Jesus Christ. Let's find ways to help men once again find both Christ and the church.

Life is more than things

In Luke 12 we read of a man who approached Jesus wanting him to force his brother to divide the family inheritance with him. Jesus responded that "one's life does not consist in the abundance of things he possesses," and went on to tell a parable of a man who had acquired much in life and wanted to enjoy the abundance of his possessions. In the parable God said to the man that night he would die and asked who would then own those possessions.

As regular readers of this blog know, I enjoy going to auctions and I conduct auctions. They are a fun way to spend time and occasionally find a treasure. Unfortunately, some auctions are not that much fun, and that is when families are there to fight over the things being sold.

I once attended an auction in Kentucky that consisted of a large estate. It was obvious that family members were bidding on some of the items they wanted to keep which is not uncommon in an estate sale. One piece that was evidently a battle between two family members was over a small child's chair. It was just a common child's chair that might bring $5.00 at most auctions. Two men, who I assume  were related, were determined to own that chair. It finally sold for over $600.00! It's not the first time I've seen something like that happen at an auction.

At least no tempers flared at that auction like I have seen occasionally at others. Auctioneers have told me stories of family members who were left out of the will or were not given things they wanted from the estate who caused problems at their auctions.

Things break, they rust, they get lost, but family relations are supposed to last forever. It's a shame when those relationships are destroyed over things. As I've written before, it's just stuff. Yes, it might have meaning to an individual, but it's still stuff. As Jesus taught in the above parable, there will come a time when our lives will end and someone else will have our stuff. That stuff won't have any meaning to us then. The only things that will have meaning then are our relationship with God and the memories our loved ones have of us. Our relationship with God will be determined by our acceptance or rejection of Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, and the memories our loved ones will have of us will be determined by the relationship we had with them. Those memories are far more important than fighting over stuff.

My advice to executors of an estate is to give items that have meaning to family members before disposing of the estate. If a sale needs to be held to pay debts, then either ask a fair amount for the items or let them know they can bid on the items they want just like any other bidder at the auction. One word of caution though: They will have to pay for the items they purchase. I attended an auction once when a family member was arguing with the auctioneer about having to pay for something that belonged to a family member. He finally paid for it but wasn't happy! If it's bought at an auction it must be paid for regardless of who owned it.

Don't allow things to interfere with relationships with loved ones. Life is too short to be concerned about stuff.

The isolation of bivocational ministers is not a good thing

Last week I had a great meeting with an individual who has served as a bivocational pastor of a larger church. He has currently stepped aside from pastoral ministry but is quite interested in finding ways to help develop bivocational pastors in his denomination. Although he lives several states away, he was in my area on business and wanted to meet me and discuss ways to provide training for those bivocational ministers who lack formal ministerial training.

One of his frustrations is that when training events are offered to bivocational ministers very few attend. Having been a bivocational pastor he understands the time constraints but still does not understand why more do not take advantage of the training opportunities provided them. I assured him it is a common problem across denominations, and no one has found a solution to it.

Part of the problem, I explained to him, is that many of us are used to being isolated in our ministries. As a bivocational pastor I seldom attended ministerial meetings. They were often held at times when I was at work, and even when they weren't I didn't feel I fit in with the fully-funded ministers who would be there. Their world was much different than mine, or at least that's what I thought at the time. I later learned that wasn't always true.

Some of that isolation is a learned response. For many, their denominations hardly know they exist. One bivocational minister I was coaching was seeking a new place to serve. I asked if he had talked to his judicatory leader about his interest in moving. He said he had been in his current church for five years, and his judicatory minister would not know him if he walked in his office. He had never met the man nor spoken to him. Unfortunately, that is not an unusual situation. When pastors do not believe they receive much support from their denominational leaders they are not likely to be interested in attending the denominational events either.

Because of my twenty years as a bivocational pastor, when I became a judicatory leader I was well received by the bivocational ministers in the area I served. They often attended events I hosted because "I was one of them." Once several bivocational ministers traveled nine hours one way to attend a seminar I led in Canada. I was astonished that anyone would make that commitment to attend my seminar. I was even more amazed the next year when I was invited to lead the same seminar in another province in Canada, and they showed up again.

Bivocational ministers need to attend such events, not just for the learning that is available, but for the fellowship and the relationships that can develop when we are with other like-minded people. Isolation is not a healthy thing. It can lead to great discouragement and even depression. When we isolate ourselves from others it allows the devil to begin speaking lies into our minds making us believe we are all alone. We can begin to feel like Elijah, that we alone are left doing the Lord's work.

Find one or two training events that seem to speak to your needs this year and attend them. Go to a local ministerial meeting or your denominational events. If nothing else, call some other bivocational ministers in your area and plan a time to get together. Just don't isolate yourself.

What does the small church have to offer?

During my 35+ years of ministry I have heard many people question the value of smaller churches. As the bivocational pastor of one of those churches for 20 years I occasionally heard people question my call to the ministry or wonder why I continued serving in a smaller church. Unfortunately, some people do not know all the things a small church can offer people.

1. In smaller churches it's easier to develop relationships with other people. Larger churches have to form small groups. A small church is already a small group. In the small church you do not become merely a member; you become part of the family. In our world today where it is often difficult to develop genuine relationships with people, the small church makes that possible.
2. People often have an opportunity to serve sooner in smaller churches. I often joke that a small church will work a new member to death if he or she doesn't learn to say no! In a small church you don't have to wait 10 years before you are allowed to serve in a ministry role.
3. Small churches communicate quickly. Sometimes too quickly I might add! When I would be invited in for a church conflict mediation one problem I often heard was that the communication was very poor in the church. People often did not know what was going on, and when people don't know the facts they sometimes create their own. In smaller churches people tend to know what's going on.
4. In small churches people are more important than programs. People are less concerned about your qualifications than they are about the type of person you are. Folks are not judged by their skills as much as they are by their heart.
5. This last one is a benefit of a small church that I enjoy most of all. They have some of the best cooks you'll find anywhere. I've been invited to a lot of larger churches when they had meals catered in. The food was good, but not nearly as good as when the church ladies brought in their finest dishes for the church pitch-in.

For years people have predicted the end of the small church. Don't you believe it. Small churches can offer things that the larger churches can't. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with large churches, and nothing I've written here should suggest that I believe there is. It's just that there are people who are looking for the things that smaller churches can offer. There will always be people attracted to smaller churches.

If you are called to serve in a smaller church, carefully pray about that opportunity. You may find you will love it as much as I have.

The day after Christmas

I hope your Christmas was as good as the one my family enjoyed. Despite some colds we managed to have a very enjoyable Christmas holiday with family. We ate way too much good food, exchanged some great gifts, and shared some wonderful stories.

I also pray that you've enjoyed our church's Advent devotions that were posted on this site during the past three weeks. Since the church does not currently have a blog of its own we used this blog to post the devotionals. We then linked the post to our church's Facebook page and invited our congregation to follow them. You got the benefit of some thought-provoking devotionals, some written by me and others written by members of our church. With today's post we return to our normal posts written by me.

Let's not lose the theme of the previous devotionals now that Advent is past. That theme was reconciliation. It was our church's theme throughout the Advent season because this is why Christ was born. He came into the world to reconcile us with God, with one another, and with ourselves. Some who are reading this post need that reconciliation, and I urge you to not let this year end without seeking the reconciliation you need.

We all need to be reconciled to God. Scripture is clear that we have all sinned and come short of the glory of God. It is equally clear that our sins have separated us from the relationship with God we each were created to enjoy. It is only through receiving Jesus Christ into our lives as our Lord and Savior can our sins be forgiven and we are able to be reconciled to God.

The second area of reconciliation is between us and our fellow human beings. Some of us carry bitterness and anger towards other people. Reconciliation does not ignore the pain they perhaps have caused us, but it does require that we forgive them and seek to enter into a healthy relationship with them. Perhaps such a relationship is not possible. In such cases we still need to forgive them and move on with our lives.

The third area of reconciliation that some of us need is with ourselves. Many people today struggle trying to forgive themselves for mistakes they've made in the past. Some carry tremendous amounts of guilt for the past, and that guilt makes it impossible for them to enjoy the present or plan for the future. The devil has deceived some into believing they cannot be forgiven and they must carry their burden of guilt forever.

The truth is God loves us and is willing to forgive us of any sins that might be in our past, and if He can forgive us we can also forgive ourselves. We do not have to carry that burden any longer. We can lay it at His feet when we invite Him into our lives. If you need help in knowing how to pray to do that, please send me a personal message, and I'll be glad to lead you through such a prayer.

Christmas is over, and we are fast approaching a new year. Do not begin 2018 without seeking the reconciliation you need. It is available to everyone reading this blog. Yes...it's even available to you.

Ministers on social media

I enjoy social media. I have accounts on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIN, and Google Plus. I use Messenger and IM more than the several e-mail accounts I have to send information to people. In addition I have two blogs and write on two other Facebook accounts. Social media is a great way to communicate to a wide range of people and an excellent way to share information with groups of people. During this Advent season the church I'm serving will send out a daily devotional to our church family on social media.

Of course, social media can present problems. It can easily consume too much of a person's time if we don't control our usage of social media. Persons who check their FB accounts and e-mails every few minutes will not accomplish very much.

While social media can enhance relationships if used wisely it can also disrupt relationships. I've read that social media has been the cause of numerous divorces as people have reconnected with old flames. People have lost their jobs due to posting something critical of their employer on social media. Bullying has become a major problem on social media, especially among young people and has even led to some taking their lives.

While social media can be a great tool for someone in the ministry it must be used wisely. I've known pastors who held strong political viewpoints and shared those on social media. Ministers must be careful here as some within their congregations will not share those same viewpoints. While I am more than willing to share my political views in private conversations I avoid doing so on social media. It's too easy to be misunderstood when discussing things on social media. There's no sense in getting people upset due to my lack of clarity on some political issue.

Social media is also not the place to lash out at people with whom you have disagreements. I wish our current president would learn that. Disagreements are best handled privately. Public outbursts seldom accomplish anything except to make the one being attacked become defensive which only makes the problem worse. It also makes the one who wrote the post appear immature. It helps to remember that once you put something out there, it's there forever for everyone to see. Remembering that has helped me stop before I posted something I thought I might regret later.

It's also not the place to argue. I am stunned to see how some Christians attack one another on social media over political or theological issues. We need to remember that many non-Christian people may be reading the comments we are making. It sends a very negative message to them about Christianity when they read our posts attacking one another personally because we happen to disagree. I may share my perspective once, and if someone begins to argue that I just back off and refuse to respond. (It might surprise some people to learn that if they read something on social media they don't agree with that it's OK to not respond to it.)

Social media can be a great tool to help you grow your church, but it can also create problems within the church. Use it wisely to build and not to tear down.

Relationships in the church are critical

One of the serious problems we see in the 21st century church is that we are disconnected from one another. There is little interaction among members of many churches other than for an hour on Sunday morning. We drive into church for the worship service, perhaps attend a Sunday school class, and then return to our homes. For many of us, there is little thought about or contact with the church until the next Sunday.

We've compartmentalized our lives into various cells with little overlap. We have our work cell, our family cell, our hobby cell, and our church cell. In addition, there are numerous other segments of many of these cells such as baseball practice and games for the children or volunteering at a charity event.

There is little wonder that growing as disciples of Jesus Christ is so difficult for many believers. We've isolated our Christian life from every other area of our lives, and that particular cell is given very little time.

For several years I've had youth and children's ministers complain about the declining numbers of young people involved in their ministries. There are several reasons for this.

1. According to Tom Rainer's research only about 15 percent of Millennials are Christians. Since many of the parents are in this generation it stands to reason that if few of them are Christians we will see fewer young people and children involved in our churches.
2. We have a growing number of children and young people growing up in single-parent and blended families. Often, they spend every other weekend with the non-custodial parent so they may only be able to attend their home church half-time at best.
3. Many of the parents, even Christian parents, do not see the need to make youth and children's ministries a priority in their families. Several years ago when I was pastor of a church we had an excellent youth minister who tried everything possible to develop a strong youth ministry in our small church. He and the youth would plan an activity, and on the day of the activity no one would show up. When asked, they would say that their parents decided to do something else that day. They considered their "family time" to be more important than providing their children an opportunity to be with other Christian young people. When this youth minister resigned the question was asked when we would hire another youth minister. I responded we would hire another youth minister when we had different parents who cared about their children's spiritual development. We never hired another youth minister.
4. Although there are no doubt other reasons, the last one we'll mention here is refers back to to the first comment. In many churches we are not socially connected with one another. We do what we need to do to meet our individual spiritual needs and move on to the next thing

Ed Young, in his excellent book, The Creative Leader: Unleashing the Power of Your Creative Potential clearly states the problem. He writes, "Drive-through people fill our churches today. They pull up every weekend and expect an inspiring McMessage, fun-filled McChildcare, heart-warming McMusic, sensational McProgramming, and then they're off."

This was not the experience of the first century church. In Acts 2 we read that the people were together, sharing meals together, sharing their resources with one another, sharing their lives together. The result of those strong relationships with one another was two-fold. They had favor with the people, and the Lord added to their numbers daily.

We need to take a look at the relationships that exist within our churches. Individually, we need to look at the relationships we have with others within our church. Do we see church as something we do together, or do we see church as something that will meet our individual needs? Is our church involvement something we minimally do each week so we can check it off our to-do list for the week, or is this a relationship we make a priority for ourselves and our families?

There is an old Proverb that says it takes a village to raise a child. We could also say it takes a community to raise a disciple of Jesus Christ. Are you part of such a community? If not, what needs to change?

The ethics of leaving

One of the challenges for ministers when we leave a church is to actually leave. Too many of us want to return to conduct weddings and funerals. It's even more difficult when the minister resides in the same community as the church he or she is located. I've known church members go to the former pastor in such situations to discuss things with which they disagree in the church. Unfortunately, I've also known pastors who would then interfere in the affairs of their former church. Of course, they did so with only the most noble of reasons!

The denomination in which I serve asks our ministers to sign an Ethics Statement. No minister is required to sign this statement, but many of us do. One of the items on the statement addresses the issue of how a pastor should relate to a church he or she has left. Unless the new pastor requests that we participate in an event we should stay away. I realize it's not easy, especially when it involves people with whom we had a strong relationship, but it's the only way the new pastor actually will be able to become the pastor.

I was thinking about this recently when our current president stated that he would actively work to protect his legacy. The vast majority of former presidents have stepped out of the picture when the president-elect was sworn in to give him space to form his presidency. 43 remained virtually invisible after leaving office even when his legacy was under constant attack by President Obama and his advisers. He was merely following the example of those who had preceded him.

Some pastors give the same reason for remaining involved in the church they've left. They feel that their legacy is so impressive or so important that they have to protect it even if it means interfering with their successor. Frankly, in my opinion, a true legacy should not need protecting. It should be so important to the organization that it will stand on its own until it is no longer relevant.

I agree that it can be hard to watch things we've built begin to fall apart when we leave. I had to watch that happen in a church in which I served for 20 years, and it's not easy to not step in and try to protect the work you've done for all those years. However, this is the ethical thing to do regardless of whether the person is a pastor or the president.

To be called to another church and try to interfere with the previous church is a sign of either arrogance, immaturity, or both. It's also a sign that we can not trust God to do what is best and therefore we have to help Him out.

When you leave a church, leave. It's OK to remain friends with people in your former church as long as you set strict boundaries that ensures you will not interfere in the life of that church. It's OK to return to help in a wedding or a funeral IF the new pastor personally calls and asks you to participate. It's certainly fine to keep your former churches in your prayers, and it's very important to praise your successor whenever you have the opportunity.

Dealing with toxic people

Our community has a minimum security women's prison. Many of these prisoners are allowed to work outside in the community cleaning the roadsides, mowing grass, working at the animal shelter, and doing other work. Of course, they have a guard with them to ensure they don't walk off, but it's worked well for our city and I would imagine the women enjoy being able to leave the prison to do outside work.

I often pass these work details and wonder how these women became incarcerated. Specially, I wonder how many of these women got into trouble because they began to run with the wrong crowd? On a couple of occasions I've heard some of these women share their testimony, and this seems to be a common theme. They developed a relationship, often with a guy, that became toxic and they ended up committing a crime that landed them in prison.

Fortunately, most toxic relationships do not end in prison sentences, but they do have a negative impact on our lives. Toxic people cannot stand for anyone to enjoy any measure of success in their lives. Toxic people are often very sad individuals, and they want others to share in their sadness. They are very negative people, often perpetual victims in their own minds, who blames others for all their problems. They use people for their own purposes and think nothing of throwing them away when those purposes are finished. They always look for ways to pull others down to their level. They are often very needy individuals who look to others to validate their existence or to care for them. Toxic people are very skilled at hooking others with guilt. In the end, they will suck the very life out of other people if allowed to do so.

We all encounter toxic people in our lives. Sometimes a relationship doesn't become toxic at first but develops into one later. I recently ended a Facebook friendship with a couple of people. For much of that friendship we shared common interests and ideas with one another. After the recent election, their posts became very negative as they continually whined about how their candidate lost. I could understand their frustration for a few days after the election, but their negativity continued day after day. People were responding to their posts and the discussions were becoming more heated. Finally, I decided to pull the plug and end the relationship.

Of course, that's much easier to do on social media than in real life. On social media you can end the relationship with a couple of mouse clicks. It's messier in real life, but if you are in a relationship with a toxic person it needs to be done. A person will never get ahead if there are people holding you back.

We need people who encourage us in our lives, and we need to be such people for others. We need people who will cheer us on and believe in us. We need people who will love us unconditionally, and yet be willing to point out areas where we come up short.

In the few passages we read about Barnabas we find him being a source of encouragement. When Paul was converted and wanted to join the disciples in Jerusalem those disciples were fearful of him. Barnabas stood up for Paul and convinced the disciples they could trust him. Without that early trust Paul's later ministry may have looked much different.

At the same time, when Paul refused to let John Mark go on a second missionary journey Barnabas supported John Mark. He and Paul got into a heated discussion over the issue and eventually took John Mark on a missionary journey while Paul took Silas and went another direction. What an encouragement that must have been to John Mark, and yet we do not sense a breakdown in the relationship between Paul and Barnabas. They simply went in different directions, and later, towards the end of his life, Paul sent for John Mark as "he is useful to me for ministry."

In our personal lives we must avoid letting toxic relationships infect us. If we find ourselves in such a relationship, and it does not appear that it will become healthy, it's best to walk away. Life is too short to allow a steady stream of negativity to impact our lives. While walking away from such relationships is often not pleasant, it must be done if we want to be able to enjoy our own lives to the fullest and accomplish the things God wants to do in and through our lives.

Relationships are key in the small church

One essential quality of a pastor who will enjoy a successful ministry in a smaller church is the ability to develop relationships with the people in the congregation. Everything in the smaller churches revolves around relationships. This is why these churches are often referred to as family churches. They function much as a family. A pastor who cannot develop solid relationships with the folks will never be able to serve them.

What can a pastor do to develop such relationships?

• The pastor needs to spend time with the church members to experience life from their perspective. The small church pastor cannot spend the bulk of his or her time sitting in the church office. You have to be with people doing what is important to them. 
• The pastor needs to listen to people. We live in a rather impersonal world that communicates more by emails, IM, and tweets. We send facts to one another, but we spend less and less time actually talking with one another. When the pastor is an active listener he or she is looking at body language and trying to understand the emotions behind the words. It's also important to ask questions to clarify anything that we might misunderstand.
• The pastor needs to be transparent. Ministers make mistakes just like everyone else. We don't want to be sensational, but we do want to be honest about our humanness. People struggle to relate to someone on a pedestal. Don't let them put you there, and don't put yourself there either.
• The pastor needs to be honest about his or her doubts. Some in the church do not believe that ministers ever have questions about their faith so they don't feel that they can talk about such things when they struggle with their faith. We need to help people understand that God is not threatened by our doubts, and sharing our own questions about the faith is one way to do that.
• The pastor needs to work alongside the members of the congregation. I've known some ministers who would challenge people to get involved in hands-on ministry but would never do so themselves. As a pastor I enjoyed working with members of our church and association when we took one month a year to prepare and serve meals with the Salvation Army. I enjoyed working alongside some of our members as they built houses for Habitat for Humanity. I always showed up in my work clothes when we had a work day at the church. Those kinds of experiences helped create positive relationships with our members.
• The pastor must always keep confidences. Perhaps nothing will damage the pastor's relationship with members of the congregation faster than sharing confidential information with others. It sends a clear message that you cannot be trusted, and people seldom enjoy positive relationships with people they do not trust.
• The pastor must make a long-term commitment to the church. Smaller churches are used to revolving-door pastorates. People in such churches have little interest in developing a deep relationship with someone they believe will soon be leaving. Don't be surprised if you do everything listed here and still struggle to have the kind of relationship with people that you want. That will come after people realize that you see them as more than a stepping-stone to a larger church.

Many more things could be listed, but if the pastor focuses just on these things he or she will be well on the way to developing a positive relationship with the congregation. Such a relationship will go a long ways to being able to lead the church. Even more important than that, having such a relationship in a small church makes the ministry there special and much more enjoyable.

Pastor, do you love us?

One of the most important question a small church asks its pastor is, "Pastor, do you love us?" As I've written before, everything in the smaller church revolves around relationships. A small church functions much more like a family than an organization. People do not join a small church; they must be adopted into the family. Within the first few months a new pastor also must be adopted into the family before he or she can offer any significant leadership. That adoption will not occur until the church, and especially the matriarchs and patriarchs, believes that the pastor truly does love them.

Part of what lies behind this question is the rapid turnover many of these smaller churches experience. It's not uncommon for pastors to serve a smaller church for 18-24 months before moving on. Before I arrived the church I served as pastor had an average pastoral tenure of 12 months. Remember, that was the average!

If your church had a family whose husband/father abandoned them every 12 months you would say the family was dysfunctional. The abandoned family would soon decide that there must be something seriously wrong with them if they are abandoned that often. Churches often feel the same way. They wonder what is so wrong with them that no one loves them enough to stay.

Some smaller churches had decided that their role in the Kingdom of God is to be a place where pastors can come to hone their preaching and leadership skills before going off to a "real" church. Personally, I don't find the kind of church described anywhere in the New Testament.

Other churches have a different vision of ministry, but they realize that if they are to live into that vision they will need leadership. Many if these churches do not have concerns about what theological degrees their pastors have or where they earned those degrees. More important to them is how the pastor feels about them because if they can be certain that the pastor loves them they will feel more free to follow his or her leadership.

It's always easy to respond to the question by insisting that we do love this church, but our actions will speak much louder than our words. We show we love them by getting to know them as persons, not just members of the congregation. We demonstrate our love by staying with them and not constantly looking for the next available (larger) church. We spend time with them apart from the church or one of its ministries. We love them by listening to them. One important way we demonstrate our love for the church is by learning the history of the church. A lot of things over the years shaped the church you now serve, and you should want to know as much of that history as possible. There are so many ways to show our love for your church, and you need to know that the people in your church are watching to see.

Once your congregation knows that you truly do love them, they will be much more willing to follow your leadership. It will take months, and maybe years, of consistent behavior before they will believe that you love them. But, once that day arrives your ministry will take on a whole new level of excitement and effectiveness.

Dangers of loneliness in the ministry

A 2005 study found that feeling isolated and lonely was one of the top four reasons ministers gave for leaving the ministry. There are stresses associated with feeling alone and having no one to talk to, and sometimes these stresses can lead to depression and burnout. When this happens some ministers feel they have no choice but to leave the ministry.

Loneliness can also lead to sexual addictions and misconduct. This same study found that 75 percent of the people who left the ministry due to sexual misconduct indicated they were lonely and felt isolated from others.

The stress of feeling alone in ministry affects not only the minister but also his or her family. They can sense the stress their loved one feels and want to help, but there are many aspects of ministry that cannot be shared with family. Seeing the family's frustration with not being able to help only adds to the stress the minister feels.

So what can be done? In my book The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry I devote an entire chapter to the problem of loneliness in ministry and offer several ways to address this sense of loneliness.

Every pastor should have a prayer team who can come alongside to pray for the minister and his or her family. When I was a pastor a group of deacons approached me asking if I would agree to meet with them each Sunday evening before the service for a 30 minute time of prayer. This prayer time would focus entirely on me and my family and any needs I wanted to raise. It was a very powerful time that I looked forward to each week, and it had a great impact on my family and me as well as the church.

Ministers also need trusted colleagues they can talk to. These may be ministers from another denomination, a trained counselor, a judicatory leader, or a coach. One must be careful not to violate confidentiality, but this can be done by talking about issues and not individuals.

Those of us in ministry are called to be spiritual directors for those we serve, but how many of us have spiritual directors ourselves? Such a person would help us with our own spiritual development, and this is essential to combat the sense of loneliness as well as many of the other challenges of ministerial life.

Finally, we must not forget prayer. We are never alone. God is always with us and is eager for us to share our burdens with Him. Any time a minister feels alone it is an indication that he or she needs to stop and look at the time being spent with God.

There are too many dangers associated with feeling alone in ministry to ignore such feelings. The good news is that there are numerous ways to ensure that you are not alone. There are many ways to receive the support you need, and you should take advantage of as many of them as possible.

In the book I address 13 other pressures that ministers often face. While we may never be able to remove them entirely, there are ways to ease those pressures and make them more manageable.

The cost of personal growth

Leaders must be committed to personal growth. One cannot lead people further than he or she has gone. Failing to grow as a leader means that the leader will fail to lead his or her church or organization to its full potential.  However, there is a cost to personal growth that many people never talk about. A decision to grow sometimes means that relationships are lost.

When I was first saved I had a number of friends where I worked that did not share my new faith. Some of the things I used to do with them I no longer was interested in doing. We slowly drifted apart while I found new friends who had the same interests I had. When I became a pastor there were people who were not happy with that decision. Some of them tried to talk me out of doing that, and when they failed they were soon not around very long.

A number of years ago an interesting experiment was done with monkeys. Several were placed in a cage with bananas hanging from the top. When a monkey would climb up to get a banana it would be sprayed with water from a hose. This happened to each of the monkeys. One of the monkeys was then taken out of a cage and replaced with another one. As it climbed up to get a banana the others pulled it down so it wouldn't get sprayed. The experimenters continued to replace the monkeys until there were no monkeys in the cage that had been sprayed. It didn't matter. When one would try to get a banana the others would pull it down. Since they couldn't have a banana they didn't want any monkey to get a banana.

This is the way some people are. For whatever reason they have decided to stop growing, and now they don't want anyone else to grow either. They will try to discourage you from growing, and if they can't do that they will end their relationship with you. Your growth reminds them of their failure to grow so it's just easier to avoid you.

While it can be painful to lose relationships with people you have known for a long time, it is often helpful to remind yourself that you are not the one who walked away. This is a choice the other people made. It can also be a blessing in disguise. It is very hard to grow if you are surrounded by people who do not want to grow. In fact, one of the best ways to grow as a leader is to spend time with other leaders who are further along in their own growth than you are. Their growth will motivate you, and they are often willing to share the things they have learned along the way with you.

I've heard John Maxwell speak several times, and one of the stories he sometimes tells is how as a young leader he made appointments to spend an hour with well-known leaders. In fact, he offered to pay them for an hour of their time. Many of the people he contacted was willing to meet with him. He would go to these meetings with questions written down that he wanted to ask in order to maximize his time with them. Not only did he learn much from these encounters, it also motivated him to continue to grow as a leader.

One of the leadership laws that Maxwell teaches is that we have to give up in order to grow up. One of the things will often have to give up is our relationships with people who are not interested in growing. Again, it's not that we walk away from those relationships, but it is often the case that they will walk away. As painful as that can be, it is often one of the costs we must pay if we are committed to personal growth.