Ministers can feel the pressure of being alone

One of the biggest challenges in ministry are the times a minister feels alone. Much of what we do is done apart from others. Whether it's working on next week's sermon, making a pastoral call, counseling someone struggling with life's issues, or preparing for an upcoming board or church meeting, we are often alone.

We feel alone when we have to make decisions that are not going to be popular with people in the church. Some pastors refuse to make such decisions, but anyone who is charged with leadership sometimes must make decisions that are not going to be acceptable to some people.

Pastors must often keep confidential things that people tell them. If the minister is carrying around a lot of information he or she cannot share with others, it can add to the stress.

In one study, feeling isolated and lonely was one of the top four reasons clergy identified for why they left the ministry. Burnout and depression can also happen when the minister feels isolated from others. In another study, 75 percent of those who left the ministry due to sexual misconduct reported feeling isolated from others and lonely.

This loneliness can carry over into the pastor's relationship with family. We're not always able to leave our ministerial concerns at the office, and at the same time we can't share them with family members either. It can create divisions in the family.

Fortunately, there are things we can do to minimize this pressure. One of the things I recommend is that every pastor have a Pastor's Prayer Team. While the minister cannot share private issues with the team, it is very helpful meeting with a group of people each week whose only agenda is to pray for the pastor and his or her family. I had such a team when I was a pastor, and they were a great blessing.

There are other things the minister can do as well. He or she can use the services of a coach or a spiritual director. Trusted colleagues can help carry some of the burdens as long as confidentiality is not violated. We must not forget prayer. Jesus invited all those who were heavy laden to bring their burdens to Him.

I go into more detail on these things the minister can do in my book The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry In it I also address other pressures ministers face and solutions to help ease each of them.

Every week has a Sunday

In my first semester of Bible school I took a class that really impacted my entire ministry. The first day of class the instructor told us that he did not give tests. My first thought was I was really going to like this class! He then explained that he required four papers due on certain dates. If the paper was not turned in for any reasons we would receive a zero. No excuses accepted. None. Zero.

He explained that each of us were there preparing to be pastors. We needed to understand that every seven days we would be expected to stand in our pulpits and deliver a sermon. Our congregations would not care what else had occurred that week. They would accept no excuses. Every week had a Sunday, and we needed to be prepared for that. It was a lesson that I never forgot.

Saturday night specials are never fun. There's no enjoyment in realizing on Saturday you don't even know what you're going to preach the next day much less have it prepared. We know when we're not prepared to preach, and our congregations know it as well. They may be too polite to say anything...for a while, but if we continually neglect our sermon preparation we will eventually hear about it.

The best thing I did was to plan my preaching out at least a quarter in advance. I was flexible enough that if something significant happened I would change my planned message and prepare one to address the event, but that didn't happen as often as some might think.

By planning my sermons weeks in advance I could spend more time in the actual preparation rather than spending half the week deciding what to preach. I could also give this information to our worship team so they could design the entire service around the theme of the message. This allowed for a much better flow to the service.

I share how I did that planning, and many other tips for easing the pressures of ministry, in my book The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry. Order your copy and find ways to make your ministry more productive and less stressful.

Dangers of loneliness in the ministry

A 2005 study found that feeling isolated and lonely was one of the top four reasons ministers gave for leaving the ministry. There are stresses associated with feeling alone and having no one to talk to, and sometimes these stresses can lead to depression and burnout. When this happens some ministers feel they have no choice but to leave the ministry.

Loneliness can also lead to sexual addictions and misconduct. This same study found that 75 percent of the people who left the ministry due to sexual misconduct indicated they were lonely and felt isolated from others.

The stress of feeling alone in ministry affects not only the minister but also his or her family. They can sense the stress their loved one feels and want to help, but there are many aspects of ministry that cannot be shared with family. Seeing the family's frustration with not being able to help only adds to the stress the minister feels.

So what can be done? In my book The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry I devote an entire chapter to the problem of loneliness in ministry and offer several ways to address this sense of loneliness.

Every pastor should have a prayer team who can come alongside to pray for the minister and his or her family. When I was a pastor a group of deacons approached me asking if I would agree to meet with them each Sunday evening before the service for a 30 minute time of prayer. This prayer time would focus entirely on me and my family and any needs I wanted to raise. It was a very powerful time that I looked forward to each week, and it had a great impact on my family and me as well as the church.

Ministers also need trusted colleagues they can talk to. These may be ministers from another denomination, a trained counselor, a judicatory leader, or a coach. One must be careful not to violate confidentiality, but this can be done by talking about issues and not individuals.

Those of us in ministry are called to be spiritual directors for those we serve, but how many of us have spiritual directors ourselves? Such a person would help us with our own spiritual development, and this is essential to combat the sense of loneliness as well as many of the other challenges of ministerial life.

Finally, we must not forget prayer. We are never alone. God is always with us and is eager for us to share our burdens with Him. Any time a minister feels alone it is an indication that he or she needs to stop and look at the time being spent with God.

There are too many dangers associated with feeling alone in ministry to ignore such feelings. The good news is that there are numerous ways to ensure that you are not alone. There are many ways to receive the support you need, and you should take advantage of as many of them as possible.

In the book I address 13 other pressures that ministers often face. While we may never be able to remove them entirely, there are ways to ease those pressures and make them more manageable.