Recent trip

 Last week my wife and I flew to Austin, Texas to spend time with our son and his youngest son. His other two children are on the east coast and would not be there at the time of our visit. We typically only see him a couple of times a year so we were eager for the visit. I was a little apprehensive because the past two years we've had flight issues due to weather causing delays and cancellations. I'm happy to that was not the case this year. We had zero travel issues and very good flights.

Family is always important, but especially so during holidays. For most of us, holidays such as Christmas are times filled with joy and excitement. That is not always the case for others, especially if they have lost loved ones since the last holiday. For those individuals, the holiday season can be a time of painful memories, and the sense of separation from those loved ones increases. It's very important that we do not forget those individuals and to make sure we give them extra attention during the holiday season.

The holiday season can also be a difficult time for families that are in conflict with one another. Family gatherings can be stressful with everyone walking on eggshells. Life is too short for such conflicts to remain. Jesus taught us to forgive, and this is especially true when there are family issues. As a pastor and an auctioneer I have seen families fight over the most minor things with neither side willing to give. That's a hard way to live. Especially Christians should be quick to forgive. If there are issues within your family, reach out and try to find peace during this Christmas season.

Ministers can feel the pressure of being alone

One of the biggest challenges in ministry are the times a minister feels alone. Much of what we do is done apart from others. Whether it's working on next week's sermon, making a pastoral call, counseling someone struggling with life's issues, or preparing for an upcoming board or church meeting, we are often alone.

We feel alone when we have to make decisions that are not going to be popular with people in the church. Some pastors refuse to make such decisions, but anyone who is charged with leadership sometimes must make decisions that are not going to be acceptable to some people.

Pastors must often keep confidential things that people tell them. If the minister is carrying around a lot of information he or she cannot share with others, it can add to the stress.

In one study, feeling isolated and lonely was one of the top four reasons clergy identified for why they left the ministry. Burnout and depression can also happen when the minister feels isolated from others. In another study, 75 percent of those who left the ministry due to sexual misconduct reported feeling isolated from others and lonely.

This loneliness can carry over into the pastor's relationship with family. We're not always able to leave our ministerial concerns at the office, and at the same time we can't share them with family members either. It can create divisions in the family.

Fortunately, there are things we can do to minimize this pressure. One of the things I recommend is that every pastor have a Pastor's Prayer Team. While the minister cannot share private issues with the team, it is very helpful meeting with a group of people each week whose only agenda is to pray for the pastor and his or her family. I had such a team when I was a pastor, and they were a great blessing.

There are other things the minister can do as well. He or she can use the services of a coach or a spiritual director. Trusted colleagues can help carry some of the burdens as long as confidentiality is not violated. We must not forget prayer. Jesus invited all those who were heavy laden to bring their burdens to Him.

I go into more detail on these things the minister can do in my book The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry In it I also address other pressures ministers face and solutions to help ease each of them.

The loneliness of ministry

One of the stresses of ministry is the feeling that many of us have of being alone. It is a fact that much of what we do is done when we are alone. Sermon preparation is often done alone as we spend hours researching our text and preparing our message. When we counsel others we are often told things that we cannot share with other people including our spouses. We may have to make decisions based on information that others do not have. We are not always free to reveal that information to other people even when we are criticized for the decisions we made. We endure the criticism alone.

This sense of being alone can have devastating effects on us and our families. If a person believes that he or she has no one to talk to it can create enough stress in our lives to change our body chemistry and cause depression. This is known as endogenous depression and can be difficult to diagnose and treat because it may not occur until after the stressors are gone.

Loneliness can lead one to leave the ministry. One study found that feeling alone and isolated was one of the top four reasons clergy gave for leaving the ministry.

Loneliness has also been connected to sexual addictions and misconduct. A study found that 75 percent of the people who left the ministry due to misconduct indicated that they were lonely and felt isolated from others.

Anything that stresses us will also cause problems in our families. We don't walk out of the church office and flip off the STRESS switch. That stress goes home with us and impacts how we relate to family members.

What can we do to reduce the pressure of feeling alone? There are several that I discuss in my book The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry. One entire chapter is related to this problem, and the material in this post comes from that chapter. Here I will just list the suggestions made in the book for easing the stress of feeling alone.

• Regardless of the size of church, every pastor needs to develop a ministry team to help share the burden of leadership.
• Pastors need a prayer team who will meet with him or her on a regular basis to pray specifically for the pastor and the pastor's family.
• We need to identify trusted colleagues with whom we can meet. This may be other pastors, a denominational leader, a coach, or a trained counselor the pastor sees on a regular basis.
• There was a time when it was assumed a pastor would have a spiritual director. Few pastors have such a person in their lives now. Such a person could be a valuable ally to help us overcome our sense of loneliness.
• We must never forget that we are never truly alone as God is always with us. A sense of being alone may indicate that we need to spend more time in prayer.

For more help with this pressure, and many others that pastors experience, I encourage you to read this book. You do not have to endure the various pressures you may feel in ministry alone. There are ways to address each of them. We may not be able to eliminate them, but we can certainly reduce the stress they cause us.