Yesterday evening we returned from visiting our son and his family in Philly. It was a great time to see him and our grandchildren. My wife and I struggle sometimes seeing how quickly the grand-children are growing up. One is currently working, one is a senior in high school and has already selected her college, and the youngest is playing baseball on a travel team.
Time doesn't stand still for anyone, and it's easy to miss out on the important things in life if we permit it. With our son living in Philly and our daughter in Lexington, KY it's impossible to spend as much with them and the grandchildren as we would like, but we do make sure to take time to be with them as much as we can.
As a pastor I made sure I took the time to be involved in our kid's lives while they were growing up. My wife and I were often the only parents at Junior High track events, especially the away meets. We attended their basketball and baseball games. I coached our son's baseball team for six years when he played in the park's department program.
Years ago some denominational leaders would tell their pastors to take care of the church, and God would take care of their families. What horrible advice! When I first entered the ministry one seasoned pastor admitted his adult children seldom came around because he had never had time for them growing up, and his wife had major emotional problems that he never noticed until she told him what she was experiencing. That same pastor later faulted me for attending my daughter's Jr. high basketball games saying that the time would have been better spent doing ministry.
More than once I've explained that the church I pastored had many pastors in its history, and if the Lord tarried it would have many more. I was the only father my children had and the only husband my wife knew. If a church ever made me choose between it or being available to my family the church would lose every time. Scripture is clear that any man who does not provide for his family is worse than an infidel, and such provision includes emotional support and love as well as material goods.
This brings me back to one of my favorite topics - balance in the life of the minister. Those of us who serve in ministry must ensure that we maintain a healthy balance in each area of our lives. These areas include our relationship with God, our relationship with our families, our ministry, healthy self-care, and for bivocational ministers, our other careers. If we forsake any of these areas we will become unbalanced and unhealthy in our lives.
To help you in this area I've written The Healthy Pastor: Easing the Pressures of Ministry This book focuses on some of the common pressures of ministry and how any minister can address them. Another resource that has ministered to me in this area is Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives by Dr. Richard Swenson. One of our church's small groups led a study of this last year, and those attending told me how grateful they were that I recommended the book be taught.
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