When a pastor leaves a church

Several years ago a pastor search team called asking if I would be interested in talking with them about their open position. I said I would, and a couple of weeks later they showed up, uninvited, for the worship service in the church I was serving at the time. That was a little awkward! After the service they took my wife and me to a local restaurant where they talked to us over lunch.

Prior to that I drove the two hours to the church building to see what it looked like. I noticed a sign attached to the building that indicated that parking space was reserved for Dr. ___________. In the conversation we had over lunch I learned that was the name of their former pastor who had led that church to split from another church a few decades earlier. He was retiring but would continue to attend the church. I immediately knew I had no interest in accepting the pastorate of that church. They already had a pastor. No matter who might hold the title, their pastor would continue to be Dr. ___________.

In our denomination each pastor is asked to sign a Code of Ethics. One of the items in that code states that when a pastor leaves the church, he or she leaves the church. They don't continue to attend there, they don't return to do funerals, weddings or any other event unless invited to do so by the pastor. I will admit that this is often violated by former pastors. I wish that was not the case.

When a church calls someone to serve as their pastor, he or she is not really their pastor. That person preaches and serves a role in the church, but he or she becomes the pastor when they become involved in the people's lives they serve. It is in doing the weddings, the funerals, the baptisms and being a part of the people's lives that one becomes their pastor. For a former pastor to return and do those things is very unfair to the new pastor and may make it very difficult for that person to ever really become the pastor.

I know first-hand how difficult it is to not return for special events in the lives of the congregation. I served our church for 20 years and became extremely close to the people. It was hard to not do weddings and funerals for people I had known and loved for two decades. I'm certain some did not understand why I wouldn't. But, it would have been unfair to their new pastor if I had.

In my last sermon to that wonderful congregation I closed by telling them that in a few moments I would walk out the door, and I would never again be their pastor, but I would always be their friend. I think ethically it has to be that way in order to be fair to the church and to the pastors who would follow. I would certainly be glad to hear your thoughts on this.