The sin we prefer to not mention

The church has a long history of speaking out against certain sins. It also has a long history of not mentioning the ones we are most guilty of violating. One that I am thinking of today is the sin of gossip. Just in case you don't think gossip is a sin, let's look at some scriptures.

• Pr. 11:13 - "A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret."
• Pr. 20: 19 - "A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much."
• Pr. 26: 20 - "Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down."
• Eph. 4: 29 - "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Although there are more scriptures we could examine, these should be enough to demonstrate what God thinks about gossip. It does not make gossip any better when we try to hide it when we are "sharing prayer concerns." It is possible to ask for prayer without giving out all the juicy details of why we are making the request. God knows the person's needs; we do not need to know.

In working with churches for over 35 years I have seen gossip do tremendous damage to individuals as well as to the church itself. Often, the damage it causes cannot easily be undone. People's reputations can be destroyed by gossip even when it is untrue. As human beings we seem to have a propensity to believe the worst in people, and when someone comes along with negative information about someone many of us are apt to believe it without ever checking to see if it is true. If you doubt that, just look at how many Christians spread false rumors on social media about politicians or other leaders they don't like.

How can we stop gossip in our churches? It's not easy because we are so accustomed to gossip. One way is to make the church a "Gossip-Free Zone." Dave Ramsey absolutely bans gossip in his organization. He defines gossip as telling anyone about a problem who does not have the ability to correct the problem. When  person is hired he or she is told that if they violate the no-gossip rule they will be coached. If they do it a second time, they will be terminated. We may not be able to fire members of the church, but we can hold them accountable. I've only seen very few churches do that, but it dramatically reduced the conflict in their churches.

Another way to eliminate gossip in churches is to practice good communication. If people are not informed of the facts when things happen they will make up their own facts and share them with others. Soon, a lot of misinformation is spread throughout the church and the community. Leaders absolutely must keep people informed of things happening in the church even when those things may not be positive. As I often tell people, your church will only be as healthy as the secrets it keeps.

A third way to address gossip is for people to refuse to listen to it. I once heard a joke about a person who asked why a certain person always came to her with gossip. Someone responded that maybe it was because that person knew she liked to hear it. If someone starts to share some gossip it's best to refuse to listen to it. Just announce that you don't want to hear it, and if the person insists on telling it, walk away. Better yet, invite the person to go with you to the one being talked about to find out if this information is correct. I can almost guarantee the gossiper will refuse to go to the person and will stop talking about the individual, at least in your presence. If this happens often enough people will begin to understand that gossip is not welcomed here.

Finally, pastors need to preach on the sin of gossip. Of course, if you do people might start talking about you! I have to admit that I've heard very few sermons on gossip, and didn't preach too many of them myself when I was a pastor. As I wrote earlier, we are so used to gossip that we forget what God has to say about it. It might be helpful to be reminded from time to time.