The sin we prefer to not mention

The church has a long history of speaking out against certain sins. It also has a long history of not mentioning the ones we are most guilty of violating. One that I am thinking of today is the sin of gossip. Just in case you don't think gossip is a sin, let's look at some scriptures.

• Pr. 11:13 - "A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret."
• Pr. 20: 19 - "A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much."
• Pr. 26: 20 - "Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down."
• Eph. 4: 29 - "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Although there are more scriptures we could examine, these should be enough to demonstrate what God thinks about gossip. It does not make gossip any better when we try to hide it when we are "sharing prayer concerns." It is possible to ask for prayer without giving out all the juicy details of why we are making the request. God knows the person's needs; we do not need to know.

In working with churches for over 35 years I have seen gossip do tremendous damage to individuals as well as to the church itself. Often, the damage it causes cannot easily be undone. People's reputations can be destroyed by gossip even when it is untrue. As human beings we seem to have a propensity to believe the worst in people, and when someone comes along with negative information about someone many of us are apt to believe it without ever checking to see if it is true. If you doubt that, just look at how many Christians spread false rumors on social media about politicians or other leaders they don't like.

How can we stop gossip in our churches? It's not easy because we are so accustomed to gossip. One way is to make the church a "Gossip-Free Zone." Dave Ramsey absolutely bans gossip in his organization. He defines gossip as telling anyone about a problem who does not have the ability to correct the problem. When  person is hired he or she is told that if they violate the no-gossip rule they will be coached. If they do it a second time, they will be terminated. We may not be able to fire members of the church, but we can hold them accountable. I've only seen very few churches do that, but it dramatically reduced the conflict in their churches.

Another way to eliminate gossip in churches is to practice good communication. If people are not informed of the facts when things happen they will make up their own facts and share them with others. Soon, a lot of misinformation is spread throughout the church and the community. Leaders absolutely must keep people informed of things happening in the church even when those things may not be positive. As I often tell people, your church will only be as healthy as the secrets it keeps.

A third way to address gossip is for people to refuse to listen to it. I once heard a joke about a person who asked why a certain person always came to her with gossip. Someone responded that maybe it was because that person knew she liked to hear it. If someone starts to share some gossip it's best to refuse to listen to it. Just announce that you don't want to hear it, and if the person insists on telling it, walk away. Better yet, invite the person to go with you to the one being talked about to find out if this information is correct. I can almost guarantee the gossiper will refuse to go to the person and will stop talking about the individual, at least in your presence. If this happens often enough people will begin to understand that gossip is not welcomed here.

Finally, pastors need to preach on the sin of gossip. Of course, if you do people might start talking about you! I have to admit that I've heard very few sermons on gossip, and didn't preach too many of them myself when I was a pastor. As I wrote earlier, we are so used to gossip that we forget what God has to say about it. It might be helpful to be reminded from time to time.

The mic is always on

The owner of an NBA team certainly learned that words have consequences in recent days.  Following reports of a recorded message in which he made discriminating remarks about African-Americans he found himself banned from any contact with the basketball team he owns.  Steps are now being taking to force him to sell the team.

He is not the first person to get into trouble for saying things he did not know would be heard by others.  Before the last election President Obama did not know a microphone was picking up his words to Russian President Putin when he explained to Putin that after the election he would have more flexibility.  Obama's critics were quick to question what he meant by those remarks.  Other presidents have had their own embarrassing moments when a live mic picked up words they never intended the public to hear.

Ziz Ziglar used to tell of a similar event in the life of a public figure before he would remind his audience that they should always remember that "The mic is always on."  By that he meant that anything we said might be heard by someone we did not intend to hear it, and words do have consequences.  What was intended to be a private comment can quickly go public bringing embarrassment and much worse to ourselves or to others.  For that reason we should choose our words wisely, and I think this is especially true for us in ministry.

In my role as a judicatory leader I am sometimes asked about my opinion on some church matter.  I have to be very careful how I respond to those questions because more than once after sharing my view on a matter someone has gone back to their church and reported that "Dennis believes that...."  A couple of times my view was misstated by the person, and I've had to go back and try to undo some damage and correct the individual's misconception of what I said.  These are never pleasant so I try to  avoid them in the future by making sure people clearly understands my response to their questions.

Inappropriate language and stories are also areas where church leaders can create problems for themselves.  I must admit that I may be old fashioned, but I simply do not understand it when I hear pastors use profanity.  You've probably heard the term "cuss like a sailor."  Well, I spent four years in the Navy and I was proficient at cussing like a sailor.  However, when I got saved God cleaned up my mouth.  Early in my pastoral ministry our church had a softball team that played in a church league.  One night I arrived at the ball park while the game before ours was to be played.  I heard someone in the field issue a string of profanity that I never dreamed I would hear at any church sanctioned event.  I asked who the person was who said those words and was told he was the pastor of the church.  I was truly shocked that night and continue to fail to understand why Christians, especially those in leadership, use language that casts Christianity in such a poor light.  Again, we must remember that people will judge us and what we claim to believe by what they see and hear.

Church leaders also need to be very careful about what they say about other people.  In some cases, even if people might agree with you, they will not respect you for saying negative things about others.

The Bible is clear about the difficulty of taming our tongue.  I suppose everyone has said things they later regretted.  I know I have.  Many times!  Once the words are out of our mouths they can never be taken back.  We can apologize for saying inappropriate things, but the pain they caused can take a long time to go away.  In some cases, the damage can never be undone.  We need to live every moment realizing that the mic is always on and adjust our speech accordingly. 

Dealing with gossip

As a Baptist minister I have often said that gossip is one sin that Baptists obviously approve of since we seem to be so good at it.  I was once asked to deliver a sermon at a Baptist church that had gone through some major conflict and had lost several members.  I was told that I was one person who could get away with telling the congregation things they needed to hear.  The conflict was specifically addressed, and the first thing I told the congregation they needed to do to end the conflict was to go home and disconnect their telephones because they were burning up the lines with gossip about the situation.

Dave Ramsey defines gossip as speaking to anyone about a problem who does not have the ability to resolve the problem.  That is a great definition.  If someone has a problem with a decision the pastor makes, and that person talks to the church secretary and a Sunday school teacher about what was wrong with that decision it is gossip.  Neither of those people can do anything about a decision the pastor made.  If someone has a problem with that decision then the proper thing to do is to talk to the pastor about it.  If the pastor, or anyone with whom you disagree, will not hear you then you follow the order we find in Matthew 18: 15-17.  That is proper.  What is not proper is having little meetings in the parking lot complaining about things that no one in the discussion can resolve.

Ramsey's company has a simple rule about gossip in their workplace.  They will warn a person once if they find them gossiping, and the second time it happens they are fired.  They take it that seriously because they know that gossip is poison to an organization whether it is a business or a ministry.  Gossip undermines people's confidence and loyalty towards the organization as well as generates distrust towards the leaders.

What can a person do if someone begins to spread gossip in their presence?  One thing would be to tell the gossiper that you are not interested in hearing this and walk away.  Tell them that what they are doing is gossiping and that you consider that to be a sin that you do not wish to participate in.  A second thing you can do is to offer to go with the person to talk to the one who has offended them.  They will seldom agree to do that, but it will often shut them up.

I've actually done this on several occasions.  As a judicatory leader I sometimes receive calls from church members upset over something their pastor has done.  One caller asked that I meet with the leadership of the church and some "concerned" persons to talk about the pastor's shortcomings.  I said I would agree to meet with them as long as the pastor attended the meeting.  The caller was not pleased and was even less pleased when I told her that she had to invite the pastor to the meeting.  However, I explained that if the pastor was the problem then there was no point in having a meeting without the pastor being present so we could all discuss the situation like adults.  In that case the meeting was held, but often my requiring the pastor to be present ends the conversation the person wants to have with me.

Ramsey can fire an employee, but what can a church do with someone who continually gossips?  Such a person is creating disharmony in the church and that needs to be addressed by the church leadership.  What would the church do if a member was putting poison in the church's drinking water?  It would take whatever steps necessary to stop that person from doing that.  As I wrote earlier, gossip is poison to an organization, and the church should put an end to that as soon as it hears that this is happening.  The leadership of the church must confront the person guilty of spreading the gossip, let that person know that such behavior is not acceptable and further action will be taken if the person persists, and then follow up with such action if it occurs again.  Such strong action will probably create some conflict in the church, but it's better than gossip continually pecking away and undermining the church's ministry.  A church will never be any healthier than the behavior it accepts, and accepting gossip in the church is not a sign the church is healthy.