Several years ago I read that one of the primary questions people in smaller churches have of their pastor is "Do you love us?" While this is probably true of people in all churches, it is especially true for those attending smaller churches. These churches are built more upon relationships Those relationships are built upon love and trust. If people do not believe that you care about them they will find it hard to trust you, and if they do not trust you a relationship is impossible.
As a denominational leader I've listened to numerous pastors complain about the people in their churches. It was obvious to me that they cared little for those people. Sitting there I had to wonder why they stayed. Did not they realize that people knew how the pastor felt about them? As much as we might try, we really cannot hide our true feelings about others for very long.
I have been blessed in my ministry. I've only served three churches. One I served as pastor for 20 years. The second church I served two years as their Transitional Pastor, and the third church I'm currently serving in that same capacity. I can honestly say that I have genuinely loved the people in all three churches. When I left the church I pastored for denomination work, it was tough. Those people were my friends, my family. Although I frequently told them how much I loved them, I doubt many truly understood the depth of the love I felt for them. The same was true of the first church I served as the Transitional Pastor. I was happy they found the person God had prepared to lead them into the future, but I knew I would miss serving that congregation...and I have.
Now, I am in my second church as a Transitional Pastor, and, again I am finding a precious group of people I love. Covid has made it difficult to build the relationships with them I would like. Unable to visit people in the hospitals or their homes makes it harder to connect with some in the church. Several in our congregation will not attend services in person due to the pandemic, but they are faithful to watch the services online. I'm looking forward to the time when we can all gather together again, without masks, so I can better connect with everyone in the congregation.
One way to know whether or not you love the people in the church is in the way you refer to the church. I had not been at my present church very long when I noticed that I kept referring to it as "our" church in my sermons. I'm not a member of the church. I'm the Transitional Pastor and will be gone when the church calls a new pastor, but I feel so close to the church and the people in it that I consider it "our" church. When a pastor consistently refers to the church he or she is serving as "this" church or "the" church, that pastor needs to check his or her heart.
Seminary can teach a minister many things, but it cannot teach you to love your people. That has to come from your heart, as an act of your will. There is an old story of a stranger planning to move to a new town. He stops an elderly resident of the community and asks if the people in the town are friendly or not. The man asks in return what the people were like in the community he is leaving. The stranger said they were some of the meanest, most unfriendly people he had ever known. The older man replied that he would find most of the people in this community would be the same way.
Later, a different person stopped the elderly gentleman and asked the same question. Again, he responded by asking what the people were like in the community he was leaving. The individual said that the people in his former town were some of the sweetest, kindest persons he had ever known. The older gentleman said, "You will find most people here to be the same way."
Of course, the moral of the story is that most people are what you expect them to be. If you expect people to be mean and unruly that is what you will find. If you look for the good in most people you'll quickly find it. Pastors, if you're having trouble loving the people you are serving, begin to look for the good in them. You'll probably find it rather easily, and you'll find it much easier to love them. If you can't find the good in them and can't begin to love them, then maybe you need to look into your own heart.
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