I once knew a pastor who played golf 5-6 days a week and could not understand why his church was complaining about his inability to get anything done. After talking with some in the congregation I was convinced that they wanted him to succeed, but the feeling of many was that if his wife didn't push him to do something he would never leave the golf course. I finally told him he needed to decide if he wanted to be a pastor or earn his PGA card.
This individual is the rare exception to a problem too common among ministers. Some of us just do not take good care of ourselves. We are much better at pastoral care than we are at self-care. We don't take the vacations the church gives us, and we often don't take the days off.
Some of this might be due to our trying to meet the unrealistic expectations of our churches, a topic I addressed in a post last week. But, I'm convinced a lot of it is due to our own unrealistic expectations for ourselves. Some of us are still trying to prove that we are capable and competent people. Perhaps we are trying to prove this to parents who demanded too much of us when we were growing up. Maybe we're trying to make amends with God through our works, or, perhaps, we are trying to overcome our own insecurities by being workaholics. Regardless of the reasons, unless we decide to take care of ourselves our ministries are likely to be short-lived.
Those who know my story know how I experienced clinical depression in my own life due to poor self-care. I know first-hand the dangers associated with not taking care of myself.
I want to speak directly to the pastor who feels worn out, discouraged, and perhaps depressed. How long has it been since you took some vacation and really relaxed? I found it often took me the first week just to unwind, so we began taking 10-14 days at a time when we went on vacation. How long has it been since you actually took a day off you enjoyed? What are your hobbies, and how long has it been since you actually got to enjoy one of them? Can you let the phone ring on a day off without answering it, or are you fearful it might be an emergency? Can you let the phone ring while you're having dinner with your family without answering it?
Friends, it's OK for a pastor to rest. It's OK to spend a day on the golf course, or the fishing lake, or at the beach or whatever you and your family finds enjoyable. It's Ok to take every day of vacation the church allows, and if it's less than four weeks a year it's OK to ask for more. It's Ok to let the voicemail answer your phone calls. If it actually is important you can call back. It's Ok to attend your children's events without feeling guilty. It's Ok to act and live like a human being because that is what you are. If you want to enjoy a long-term, healthy ministry you need to get away, rest, and enjoy life on a regular basis.
When I appeared before my ordination board I made a comment about my attending my daughter's basketball games. An older pastor asked, "When you are attending those games do you ever think about the ministry you should be doing?" For reasons I won't go into here I was amazed he asked that question, but I responded, "No, when I attend my daughter's basketball games I am wondering where they found these referees who know nothing about basketball!" Most of the people laughed. He was not amused, but I was ordained anyway!
It's Ok to enjoy life even if you are a minister. In fact, you will be a much better minister if you do enjoy this wonderful life God has given and take some time to rest and refresh yourself.
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