My doctoral project was to determine if coaching would benefit bivocational pastors. I coached six pastors across the US and Canada for three months. My dissertation was a record of the coaching calls and the changes that took place in the lives of those I coached. In addition, each person had to write a two page report on how the coaching impacted his or her life, and that report was included in the dissertation. The dissertation later became The Art and Practice of Bivocational Ministry: A Pastor's Guide published in 2013.
One of my favorite pastors I coached during that project was a woman who pastored a small church in a small community out west. During one of our sessions I asked her what she would most like to do as a pastor. She hesitated to answer at first because she said no one had ever asked her that question. Finally, she said she would like to be able to minister to persons who had been hurt by the church in the past. I laughed and told her if she found a way to successfully do that her little church wouldn't be small for very long because she would find a lot of people who have been hurt by the church. The remainder of that coaching call was spent discussing how she might begin such a ministry.
Unfortunately, it's not difficult to find people who have been hurt by the church. We have a well-earned reputation of shooting our wounded. Too often, the church hurts others rather than offer them healing. In heated meetings we speak hurtful words to one another. We ridicule the ideas or suggestions of others. We let people fall through the cracks to the point that they believe the church doesn't care about them. We try to tell people how to live their lives when we have no idea of the things they are dealing with. In one church a single mother of four young children began attending services. After being there about six months a couple approached her one Sunday after the service and began telling her all the things they thought she was doing wrong in raising her children. She never went back. When someone from the church finally asked why she stopped coming she explained she had enough going on in her life without people telling her she was a bad mother. Sadly, these kind of experiences are not uncommon, and many people have left the church due to the pain the church caused them. I once met a woman who showed me a letter she had received from a member of the church she had attended also complaining about the way she was raising her children. She had received that letter twenty years before and still had it, and as she showed it to me and told me the story I could hear the anger that was still in her voice. Some of the wounds the church causes runs deep.
The church is not made up of perfect people. None of us has it all together. We need to learn to be patient with one another and respect the feelings of others. When I think of the patience God has with me I have no choice but to be patient with others. As I've said in sermons, church is not a hotel for saints but a hospital for sinners. It needs to be place where we all can find healing and instruction for our lives.
None of this is to suggest that we ignore sin in people's lives or that we become door mats that others are allowed to walk over. Certainly, we must stand for what is right, but we don't have to be mean or ugly about it. We don't have to trample over people's feelings.
Life is tough with lots of challenges. The church should be the one place where we can work together to help one another get through those tough times. We should look to heal and not add to the pain and difficulties in the lives of others.
If you are reading this and is someone who has left the church because of the pain it caused you, consider coming back. As I wrote above, the church is not a perfect place. Most of the time when we've hurt someone it wasn't done intentionally. A family left the church I pastored over a hurt caused by a group in the church. I went to visit the family and encouraged them to not let that hurt keep them from church. I suggested if they couldn't return to our church to find another one to attend because we all need a church. They did find another church and attended there for years. I then explained to the group that caused the pain what they had done. They didn't realize the damage their actions would cause, and it never happened again while I was pastor there.
Find you a good church and allow God to bring healing to your hurts. Life is too tough to try to get through it without the support of a church who loves God and will love you.
Showing posts with label Pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pain. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 5, 2020
Tuesday, February 4, 2020
Most people are hurting
I venture to guess that a good majority of the people you encounter each day is carrying some pain in their lives. It may be a long-term hurt they've never been able to release. It may be a deep-seated concern for a family member or other loved one that never leaves their thoughts. It may come from some choice they have regretted making, and now they are stuck with the consequences of that choice. Perhaps their pain is the result of a recent medical diagnosis or a financial reversal. Maybe it is due to a broken relationship or a betrayal by someone who was supposed to always be there for them. In fact, the causes of the pain people carry within are endless.
Many people do a good job of concealing their pain. We learned how to put on our happy faces to hide our pain from others. We wear our masks to work, to church, to family gatherings and everywhere else we go, but when we come home the masks come off. The pain comes back. When we lay our heads down in the dark and quiet that pain begins to scream in our minds reminding us how much we hurt.
Sometimes that pain causes us to do things we later regret. We snap at loved ones, we fail to show kindness to someone, we react in rage at minor setbacks, we turn away from friends and family, we sabotage our future all because of the pain we feel, the pain we dare not reveal to others. As has often been said, hurting people hurt people, and our pain has caused us to hurt a lot of other people, innocent people who had nothing to do with the pain we feel.
As Jesus traveled the countryside He frequently encountered hurting people: lepers, a man born blind, a woman caught in the act of adultery, another woman who had gone from man to man seeking something she could not find, persons who had lost a loved one to death, and many others. What did He do when He met such people? He entered into their pain, gave them hope, and brought healing to their pain. As the hands and feet of Jesus we can do no less.
In The Message Jesus tells His disciples in Matthew 10 that they are to "Go to the lost, confused people right here in the neighborhood. Tell them that the kingdom is here. Bring health to the sick. Raise the dead. Touch the untouchables. Kick out the demons. You have been treated generously, so live generously. Don't think you have to put on a fund-raising campaign before you start. You don't need a lot of equipment. You are the equipment...."
This is the work of the church. We are to proclaim that the kingdom is here to people who are confused and hurting. We are to introduce Jesus Christ to a hurting world and minister to people's pain. Just before Jesus spoke the words we read in Matthew 10, in chapter 9 we read that when Jesus saw the multitudes he was moved with compassion for them because they were weary and scattered like sheep having no shepherd.
Greg Laurie says, "If you preach to the hurting you will never lack an audience." I might add that if we seek to minister to the hurting we will find that indeed the fields are white unto harvest. Into those fields we are to take the saving, healing message of Jesus Christ.
Many people do a good job of concealing their pain. We learned how to put on our happy faces to hide our pain from others. We wear our masks to work, to church, to family gatherings and everywhere else we go, but when we come home the masks come off. The pain comes back. When we lay our heads down in the dark and quiet that pain begins to scream in our minds reminding us how much we hurt.
Sometimes that pain causes us to do things we later regret. We snap at loved ones, we fail to show kindness to someone, we react in rage at minor setbacks, we turn away from friends and family, we sabotage our future all because of the pain we feel, the pain we dare not reveal to others. As has often been said, hurting people hurt people, and our pain has caused us to hurt a lot of other people, innocent people who had nothing to do with the pain we feel.
As Jesus traveled the countryside He frequently encountered hurting people: lepers, a man born blind, a woman caught in the act of adultery, another woman who had gone from man to man seeking something she could not find, persons who had lost a loved one to death, and many others. What did He do when He met such people? He entered into their pain, gave them hope, and brought healing to their pain. As the hands and feet of Jesus we can do no less.
In The Message Jesus tells His disciples in Matthew 10 that they are to "Go to the lost, confused people right here in the neighborhood. Tell them that the kingdom is here. Bring health to the sick. Raise the dead. Touch the untouchables. Kick out the demons. You have been treated generously, so live generously. Don't think you have to put on a fund-raising campaign before you start. You don't need a lot of equipment. You are the equipment...."
This is the work of the church. We are to proclaim that the kingdom is here to people who are confused and hurting. We are to introduce Jesus Christ to a hurting world and minister to people's pain. Just before Jesus spoke the words we read in Matthew 10, in chapter 9 we read that when Jesus saw the multitudes he was moved with compassion for them because they were weary and scattered like sheep having no shepherd.
Greg Laurie says, "If you preach to the hurting you will never lack an audience." I might add that if we seek to minister to the hurting we will find that indeed the fields are white unto harvest. Into those fields we are to take the saving, healing message of Jesus Christ.
Friday, December 22, 2017
Seeing through the eyes of another
We finished our Christmas shopping yesterday. We haven't been this late getting done in years. Since the stores were opening earlier we decided to leave home early, eat a nice breakfast out, and, hopefully, get done early.
In one store, while my wife was looking at some things nearby, I sat down in the Customer Service area. A lady came out of the back and asked if I needed anything. When I replied I didn't she let out a big sigh of relief. She explained it had really been hectic the past few days, and she couldn't wait until this shopping season was over. We talked for a few moments before I rejoined my wife.
My wife works retail as well so I knew what she was talking about. Shoppers can get a little out of sorts, especially when they can't find the right sizes or the color they want, and Christmas day is fast approaching. They can get rude and quite obnoxious. So can the salespeople waiting on them. There's been a couple of videos posted on Facebook recently showing store employees going off on customers. Love - Hope - Joy - Peace...These can be a little hard to find sometimes when people are scrambling at the last minute to buy presents.
Perhaps you've heard the phrase: Hurt people hurt people. It's a good thing to remember during the holidays and other times as well. Sometimes people get out of sorts and say or do things that hurt other people. They don't necessarily mean to do harm, but they are reacting to their own hurt and think or speak before they think. I've done that, and chances are you have as well. I've also been hurt by hurt people and so have you.
When people act this way towards us let's try to stop and put ourselves in their shoes. Let's try to understand what might have prompted such a response, especially if it seems out of character for them.
During this Advent season our church has focused on reconciliation. We want to build healthier, positive relationships with one another, with ourselves, and with God. An important piece of reconciliation is being able to put ourselves in the shoes of the other person. Trying to understand their life and possible pain can go a long ways to building a positive relationship with that person.
In one store, while my wife was looking at some things nearby, I sat down in the Customer Service area. A lady came out of the back and asked if I needed anything. When I replied I didn't she let out a big sigh of relief. She explained it had really been hectic the past few days, and she couldn't wait until this shopping season was over. We talked for a few moments before I rejoined my wife.
My wife works retail as well so I knew what she was talking about. Shoppers can get a little out of sorts, especially when they can't find the right sizes or the color they want, and Christmas day is fast approaching. They can get rude and quite obnoxious. So can the salespeople waiting on them. There's been a couple of videos posted on Facebook recently showing store employees going off on customers. Love - Hope - Joy - Peace...These can be a little hard to find sometimes when people are scrambling at the last minute to buy presents.
Perhaps you've heard the phrase: Hurt people hurt people. It's a good thing to remember during the holidays and other times as well. Sometimes people get out of sorts and say or do things that hurt other people. They don't necessarily mean to do harm, but they are reacting to their own hurt and think or speak before they think. I've done that, and chances are you have as well. I've also been hurt by hurt people and so have you.
When people act this way towards us let's try to stop and put ourselves in their shoes. Let's try to understand what might have prompted such a response, especially if it seems out of character for them.
During this Advent season our church has focused on reconciliation. We want to build healthier, positive relationships with one another, with ourselves, and with God. An important piece of reconciliation is being able to put ourselves in the shoes of the other person. Trying to understand their life and possible pain can go a long ways to building a positive relationship with that person.
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