Every pastor needs a friend

I have been in the ministry now for over 35 years. Fourteen of those years were spent in judicatory ministry working with hundreds of churches. In addition, I have traveled the country and parts of Canada leading conferences and workshops for hundreds of small church pastors. One of the things I have learned is that ministry is often tough, and many pastors are struggling. Another thing I've learned is that many pastors do not have a close friend to help them with their struggles.

Every pastor needs a friend. We need someone who loves us unconditionally, and someone we can trust with our pain and hurts. Many of us have been told that we should not make friends with people in our churches, but I never accepted that advice. Some of my closest friends today were members of a church I served for 20 years. One person in particular would do absolutely anything for me as I would for him. I consider myself fortunate to have him as a friend, especially when I know that many pastors do not have even one such person in their life.

Every pastor also needs a pastor. There are things that happen in the life of a minister that only another minister can understand. Sometimes we need advice that only another minister can provide. We need someone who can speak biblical truth in our lives, and we need someone who can keep our confidences.

When I went into judicatory ministry I assumed I would be that person for many of the pastors I served. I soon found out some did not consider me a safe person to tell their stories to. Eventually I learned the reason. Although Baptist leaders do not appoint pastors to churches, we do recommend potential pastors to our churches who are seeking new leaders. Some were afraid if they told me their weaknesses or failures it would hurt their chances of being recommended to a church.

If a pastor does not have a trusted friend or a pastor who does he or she talk to when things get difficult? Often, it's our spouses, but that can be very unfair to them. While they are willing to help us with our struggles, it's not fair to dump everything on them. Doing so may lead them to resent our ministry or the church we serve. When that occurs it only leads to even more stress in the clergy home.

I recommend every pastor seek out a friend and a pastor. Your friend should be someone local who you can see and speak to regularly.  I have more than one such person in my life, and you should seek to have as many such people in your life as possible.

Your pastor may be someone further away. It might be a former professor, a former pastor, a retired minister, or an active minister in another community. It just needs to be someone you can trust to keep your confidences and who will be honest with you.

Ministry will have its challenges, but with friends and a pastor it can be easier.