Secrets and church health

While serving as a regional minister in our judicatory one of my churches had a series of pastoral changes in a short period of time. I found out from the second pastor that the leadership had fired him but told him to announce he was resigning, and they would provide him with a severance package. I heard the story and called the pastor to confirm it. He admitted it was true but begged me to not say anything because he and his family were able to live in the parsonage while he sought another church. I had previously heard similar stories about this church and its board.

To protect this pastor I waited until he moved to another church and left the parsonage before calling the head of the lay leadership. I asked if what I had been told was true, and he admitted it was. I then said that I felt this church had a lot of secrets that were being kept from the membership. After a long pause he admitted this was also true. He had just assumed his leadership position and assured me he was going to address it.

One of the problems in keeping secrets is that they really do not remain secrets for very long. People know when things are not right. I retired soon after this event occurred in this church and do not know how the church is doing today, but at the time they had lost over half of their congregation. I told that lay leader something I've told many congregations: A CHURCH IS ONLY AS HEALTHY AS THE SECRETS IT KEEPS.

How many churches have covered up pastoral affairs "for the sake of the ministry?" How many have covered up financial irregularities for the same supposed reason? How many church boards have fired the pastor and bribed him or her with financial incentives to announce to the congregation that they felt "led by the Lord to take another church?"

I repeat that a church will only be as healthy as the secrets it keeps. Some churches have a lot of bodies buried, and I'm not referring to the graveyard that surrounds the church. Board meetings are filled with anger, tension and fear that people will learn the secrets that are being maintained. 

When I was first saved I was a member of a church where the leaders wanted the pastor out. It was not uncommon to see the deacons and the pastor go into a room after a Sunday morning service for a meeting. After a few months, the pastor left. Sometime later I was chosen to be a deacon in that church and was elected secretary. When I received the secretary's record book I thought I would finally find out what went on in those meetings. However, when I opened the book I found that all the pages from that time period had been torn out. The church was not a healthy church, and it still wasn't when I left a couple of years later.

An unhealthy church can never be a growing church, and if it did grow, it would grow to be even more unhealthy. When people walk into an unhealthy church, they can feel the tension. While they may not know what's going on, they know something is not right in this church. 

It's never easy to publicly announce misconduct when it occurs, but it's necessary. Like a doctor telling patient he or she has cancer, it's not easy for the doctor but the patient must know there's a problem, and there's a treatment plan. As painful as it might be for a congregation to hear there's a problem, it's far better to announce it and offer a plan to address it. I will repeat: A church is only as healthy as the secrets it keeps. 

What happens when a church keeps secrets?

Once, while working with a troubled church in my role as a denominational minister, I discovered that the church leaders had not been truthful with the congregation in the matter. I had suspected the same thing happened in a previous situation in this church, but this time I had the evidence. I contacted one of the key lay leaders and confronted him with the information I had. He admitted it was true. I then said I had the feeling that this was standard procedure in this church and was one of the reasons why the church had lost so many members in recent years. He admitted this was not the first time this had happened.

A church is only as healthy as the secrets it keeps. When church leadership keeps information from the congregation problems will arise. Any time people are not told the facts about a situation they will make up their own facts. These can sometimes be worse than the truth and can easily take on a life of its own. The rumor mill begins to operate, first through the church and then into the community. If the church tries to do damage control by sharing the truth about the situation it then faces the risk of being asked why it didn't tell the truth in the first place.

Any time it is found that church leadership kept important information from the congregation or that it gave out false or incomplete information trust is broken. As I wrote last week, when trust is lost leaders cannot lead. People do not follow those they do not trust. If the pastor is the one at fault, there is a good chance the church will not trust the next pastor either. Even though he or she had nothing to do with the earlier deception the new pastor will have to jump additional hurdles to earn the trust of the congregation.

People vote with their feet and their checkbook when they believe trust has been violated. They may leave for a season or they may never return. Sometimes they drop out of church completely fearing that they will be deceived again at a new church. Sometimes people will remain in the church but give little or nothing to financially support the church. Some will give their money to parachurch ministries or to some other organization they trust and support.

Not only does the church lose some of its members, it also finds it difficult to reach out to new people. If the church is seen as having to try to cover up something the public will also react negatively. Many non-Christians already struggle to trust churches, and if they learn of an attempt by the church to cover up something they will be convinced their lack of trust was justified.

Admittedly, sometimes it's difficult to know how much information to share with the congregation. Sometimes there is the matter of confidentiality which must be protected in most situations. There may be the issue of needing to protect innocent parties who may have been impacted by the situation. When either of these are the case the leaders can explain that there are some details that cannot be shared for these reasons, but then without betraying confidentiality or innocent people the matter can be discussed honestly.

Such discussions are seldom pleasant, but it is far worse to have to admit later that in previous discussions leadership was being less than honest. Honest discussions about matters than impact the church help the church remain healthy and leads to growth. Trying to keep secrets from the congregation leads to an unhealthy environment in the church and often results in decline.

The secrets we keep

Secrets are a serious problem because most of us have them. I was recently reading a book about estate selling, and one of the things the writer cautioned people about was to make sure they didn't leave their secrets for others to find. The writer is a 20-year veteran of selling estates. As he has gone through houses preparing them for an estate sale he has discovered many things that would be very troubling if loved ones found them. For instance, he says that in about 80 percent of the estates he sells he finds pornography, which he does not sell. He finds pictures of people in compromising situations which would hurt family members. In my auction business I have also found items that would be very hurtful if family members had seen them.

Of course, one of the problems with secrets is nearly everyone has them. There are things we simply do not reveal to anyone. Some of these secrets may be relatively minor, but others have the potential to do great damage to one's family or to others. Of course, they have even greater potential to do harm to us. I often tell troubled churches they are only as healthy as the secrets they keep. The same is true for individuals.

Perhaps the quickest example of this in the Bible is the story of David and Bathsheba. King David had an affair with the married Bathsheba while her husband was fighting in a war David should have led. The affair led to her becoming pregnant. When David learned of this he sent for her husband thinking he would be intimate with her while he was home, and everyone would assume the child was his. However, her husband refused to sleep with his wife while his fellow soldiers were fighting a war. His refusal led David to send him back with secret orders to have him placed on the front line and abandoned so he would be killed. When word was received of his death, David married Bathsheba hoping that no one would know of his sin.

For approximately a year it seemed that his secret was safe, but David admitted that his strength had left him, that he had lost the joy he once had known through his relationship with God. Still, he kept his secret until God sent a prophet, Nathan, to confront David. Once confronted, to his credit, David admitted his guilt and cried out to God for forgiveness. God did forgive him, but he and his family paid a terrible price for his disobedience and his attempt to hide his secret from others.

Secret sins have a way of eating at us. Satan uses them to cause us to feel great guilt and shame which robs us of the joy of the Lord. Being unwilling to confess our sins we often become unable to overcome them leading us further and further away from God. They not only alienate us from God, they can alienate us from our loved ones.

In Psalm 51 we read David's prayer of confession. Like David, we need to repent and seek God's forgiveness for the secret sins we might be keeping. There are many reasons why some people are unwilling to admit their sins, but none of them make any real sense. God already knows our lives, both the good and the bad. It's not like we are hiding anything from Him. When we refuse to confess our sins we are only deceiving ourselves.

The author of the book I'm reading is right. If you have physical things in your home that you would be ashamed of someone finding, you need to get rid of them. More importantly, if there are secret sins in your life you need to deal with them so you can be spiritually whole. If you do, like David, you will find that God will quickly forgive you and set you back on a course of spiritual healing.

Talking to your church about finances

Most of the churches that I work with share a common expectation when it comes to the pastor's salary and benefit package. When the finance committee begins to discuss it and when the budget for the coming year is about to be discussed in a business meeting, the pastor and family are expected to leave the room.  For some reason, adult Christians can discuss anything in front of the pastor except his or her salary.

In some churches, the pastor is not allowed to request anything regarding salary or benefits. Other churches specify which board or committee the pastor is to approach when making such requests. But, when the final package is being discussed, the pastor is not allowed to participate in that discussion. I consider that to be unfortunate.

Pastors need to be able to talk to people in the church about their finances. Their situations change which means that their salary package may need to change as well.  Sometimes it's not a matter of needing more money; their situation might be addressed by changing the designation of some of the money the pastor receives.  For instance, early in my pastorate I wanted to move closer to the church.  In order to do that I asked that the church designate part of my salary as housing allowance to make it possible for us to buy a home. The amount of money I was being paid did not change, but that change in designation meant I was paying less taxes making more money available to purchase a home. Incidentally, every pastor who does not live in a parsonage should receive a housing allowance.

Some churches have no idea how their pastors are struggling financially. I know of several pastors carrying a huge amount of student loan debt but does not want anyone in the church to know it.  Others are struggling due to medical expenses or some other financial challenges. How many pastors leave the ministry for better paying jobs just to pay their bills? If you are tempted to criticize a pastor for doing this, chances are you've never been harassed by bill collectors and struggling to provide for your family.

Churches and pastors need to do a better job of talking about the pastor's finances. There needs to be much more open and honest dialogue about what the pastor needs and what the church can provide. If such discussion is not permitted in a church this may be a sign that the church is not healthy and has some deep trust issues that need to be explored. If a church insists on keeping all financial discussions secret from the pastor and the majority of the church family, it is fair to wonder what other secrets exist in the church. As I wrote recently, a church is only as healthy as the secrets it keeps.

If such discussions have not occurred before, it may be helpful to invite a denominational leader or consultant to come and lead the discussion. An outside ear and voice can sometimes help reduce the anxiety that such discussions can create.

However you do it, make plans now to begin having open and honest discussions between the pastor and church leaders about the financial needs of the pastor and his or her family. Both the pastor and the church will benefit from such discussions.

The problem with secrets

There is much in the news today about Hillary Clinton and her use of private e-mail accounts for official business as Secretary of State. Of course, her response to the controversy did not satisfy many Republicans and even some Democrats, so this is likely to remain as issue for some time, especially if she does announce as a presidential candidate.

Secrecy is not limited to politicians. We find it in churches as well. Before I became a pastor I served on the board of the church I was attending. Prior to my coming on the board we would see the board and the pastor go into a back room almost every Sunday after services. A few weeks later, the pastor announced his resignation. The following year I was elected to the board and was selected as secretary. One day I thought I would check the secretary's record book where all meetings were recorded and find out what was happening in those meetings. All the pages from that time period had been torn out of the secretary's book!

One of the problems with secrets is that they are often exposed, and when they are exposed bad things can happen. This is certainly true in churches that have secrets. Recently I was having a conversation with a church leader whose church is suffering for a variety of reasons, but one of those reasons is the decisions that have been made in the past and kept secret from the congregation.  As a result, this once thriving church has a serious trust issue within the congregation.

A church is no healthier than the secrets it keeps. When a congregation learns that its leadership has made decisions without informing the congregation or, even worse, taking steps to ensure the congregation does not learn about them, the church is in trouble. People are not stupid. When such secrecy is exposed the congregation then wonders what else leadership has done that they do not know about. Distrust grows and a division occurs between the congregation and its leadership leading to a very unhealthy situation.

In many cases, the leadership thinks they are doing the church a favor. Sometimes difficult issues arise that require painful decisions to be made. In such cases, leadership will sometimes want to protect the church from the pain they have endured while addressing the situation. However, those issues and the resulting decisions often are eventually revealed, and when that happens the congregation may feel betrayed. Anger and a loss of trust often follows which can impact the church for years to come.

If you are in a low trust church that has struggled with secrecy it's time to become transparent. Congregations are capable of handling much more than they are sometimes given credit. To regain a level of trust in a church confess your role, if any, in the secrets that have been kept in the church. Personal issues that require confidentiality must be respected, but all other decisions must be communicated to the congregation. At this point, you cannot over-communicate. You are trying to rebuild trust, and that cannot happen if people still believe you may be hiding something. Transparency and communication are vital.

Trust will not be regained quickly. If people feel they have been betrayed in the past, it will take time to rebuild trust. You will have to be consistent in your transparency and communication for that to happen.