When the church becomes a battlefield

Serving as a judicatory leader for 14 years allowed me to see things in churches that should never happen. In yesterday's post I referred to bullies in the pulpit who use their position as pastor to browbeat their congregations into doing whatever they want. These people are especially skilled at using Scripture to prove their point or to challenge anyone who dares stand against them. They misuse their calling, if they ever were called to the ministry, to promote their own agendas, not God's.

These individuals are skilled at dividing church members until it becomes "us" versus "them." Of course, the pastor's group is convinced they are right, and those who refuse to go along with them are wrong. Worse than that, they also are led to believe that the ones who oppose what the pastor is doing is defying God. "Touch not God's anointed" is a common rallying cry even when "God's anointed" is leading the church down a path of destruction. I've seen once strong, healthy churches decline to a pathetic shadow of what they once were, and I'm sure Satan is standing in the shadows gleefully laughing at what he was able to accomplish.

I've also seen church members who once worshiped together and enjoyed spending time with one another suddenly turn against each another. Just recently I heard of some comments one member of a church made to another that were shameful and degrading. These individuals had worshiped together for many years, but this unwarranted attack has led to a serious breakdown in their relationship. To make this even worse, the one who made the attack is oblivious to what he did. He has so little self-awareness that he does not understand the pain he has caused the one he attacked.

While coaching a small church pastor a few years ago I asked her what would she like to do in ministry more than anything else. She responded that she would like to begin a ministry to people who have been hurt by the church. I laughed and responded that if she found a way to do that her church would not remain small for very long!

In every community there are many, many people who have been wounded by churches they used to attend. In some cases, they were able to move on to other churches, but far too often the wounds are too deep, and they simply walk away from the church forever.

Scripture is very clear that shepherds are to love, care for and feed the sheep, not beat them into submission. We are to teach the truth in love, not use the Scriptures as a club to force compliance. The Bible is very clear that those of us who serve as leaders in the church will answer to God for how we served those entrusted to us by God. Some pastors will have much to answer for.

We also note that Jesus prayed for unity among His people, and Scripture gives numerous warnings to those who create disunity and disharmony among the people of God. The church is never to be a battleground. Our battle should be against the forces of darkness, not against one another. A kingdom divided against itself cannot stand. Neither can it be an effective witness for God.

If your church is becoming a battleground, please call in support to help it address the conflicts. If you are part of a denomination, they will have people who can help you deal with conflict. If your church is independent you can call in consultants to address the issues. Whatever you do, don't let it continue thinking that maybe it will get better. It won't, and your church's ability to do ministry may well be affected for decades.

Beware of the church survey

It was a familiar story. A pastor of a small church that averages about 60 people in attendance has been at odds with some in the congregation for several months. It's nothing serious, but it has been uncomfortable. Finally, the board chair decides the congregation needs to be surveyed to determine what they think is needed for the church to move forward. Questions are determined and the anonymous survey is sent out. What no one anticipates are all the comments written in the margins and at the bottom or back of the page. The pastor calls me saying that the comments are not favorable towards him, and he's not sure he will be able to remain there as pastor. The board will meet later in the month to discuss the findings of the survey.

This is a story I've seen played out numerous times, and it never ends well for the pastor. This pastor believes the board chair had no evil intentions in surveying the congregation, and that may be true. In other cases, church boards have used such surveys as "gotcha tools" to justify their desire to replace the pastor. Rather than discussing their issues with the pastor like adults, they hide behind anonymous surveys hoping to get enough ammunition to ask the pastor to resign. They can point to the surveys to show the pastor that his or her leadership is no longer needed or desired by the congregation.

The mere fact that lay leaders of a small church sends out such a survey indicates that they are not really seeking information to benefit the church. If you are a leader of a church that runs 60 people and you don't know what the church needs, you don't need to be in leadership. Furthermore, you aren't likely to find it in a survey of the congregation. What you will find are criticism, complaints, and often the rehashing of old issues.

It would be far better for a church in this situation to invite someone from the denomination or a consultant to meet with the pastor, the leadership, and at some point, the congregation to discuss whatever issues need to be discussed. Out of those meetings could come recommendations from someone who has experience in helping a church turn itself around. Some of those recommendations might require retraining of people in the congregation, and such training might be made available as part of the consultation. In some cases it might be necessary to encourage the pastor to resign. In other situations church controllers may need to be confronted. (I've done both as a consultant.) There are a myriad of possible recommendations that might come out such consultations, but at least they will have been made after having honest dialogue with the leadership and congregation.

Reacting to anonymous surveys seldom produces anything of benefit to a church or pastor. Being proactive in using outside resources to help address problems in a church will usually be much more effective.

Church consulting and coaching

Everywhere I go people ask what I'm going to do after I retire at the end of the year. While there are several things I plan to do, two of those things are to do consulting with churches and coach pastors and church leaders. My current ministry responsibilities did not allow me to do as much of that as I would have liked, especially with churches outside our region.

I should hasten to add that the Executive Ministers I was privileged to work with in our region never objected to my leading seminars throughout the US and Canada. In fact, they encouraged me to do so. One told me that I was one of the few who was doing such seminars and conferences for bivocational and small church leaders, and he would certainly not prevent me from leading those. At the same time, I felt that I had to be careful to not ignore my primary work in our region.

With my upcoming retirement I will have more time available to lead such events. I already have four speaking engagements scheduled for 2016, and I have been in conversation with one church about the possibility of consulting with them in 2016.

Like many churches, this church is not associated with a denomination, so there is no one they can contact to help them address some issues in their church. The church leaders are currently deciding whether to invite me to come and work with them.

One of the things I enjoy is coaching church leaders. My DMin thesis was "Coaching Bivocational Ministers for Greater Ministry Effectiveness." That thesis later became the basis for my book The Art and Practice of Bivocational Ministry: A Pastor's Guide. That work demonstrated how effective coaching can be for church leaders who are ready to move forward with their lives and ministries. In my retirement I would like to coach church leaders who are feeling stuck, facing problems, or are just ready to move to a higher level of effectiveness. I believe this will be a great way to add value to their lives and ministries.

Conferences, consulting, and coaching. Three of the ministries I enjoy doing the most. If your district is ready for a conference to help train your bivocational and small church leadership, give me a call. If your church needs a consultant to help them work through a challenge they are facing, I may be able to help. If you are a church leader who is ready to move forward, let me coach you through that process.