When the church becomes a battlefield

Serving as a judicatory leader for 14 years allowed me to see things in churches that should never happen. In yesterday's post I referred to bullies in the pulpit who use their position as pastor to browbeat their congregations into doing whatever they want. These people are especially skilled at using Scripture to prove their point or to challenge anyone who dares stand against them. They misuse their calling, if they ever were called to the ministry, to promote their own agendas, not God's.

These individuals are skilled at dividing church members until it becomes "us" versus "them." Of course, the pastor's group is convinced they are right, and those who refuse to go along with them are wrong. Worse than that, they also are led to believe that the ones who oppose what the pastor is doing is defying God. "Touch not God's anointed" is a common rallying cry even when "God's anointed" is leading the church down a path of destruction. I've seen once strong, healthy churches decline to a pathetic shadow of what they once were, and I'm sure Satan is standing in the shadows gleefully laughing at what he was able to accomplish.

I've also seen church members who once worshiped together and enjoyed spending time with one another suddenly turn against each another. Just recently I heard of some comments one member of a church made to another that were shameful and degrading. These individuals had worshiped together for many years, but this unwarranted attack has led to a serious breakdown in their relationship. To make this even worse, the one who made the attack is oblivious to what he did. He has so little self-awareness that he does not understand the pain he has caused the one he attacked.

While coaching a small church pastor a few years ago I asked her what would she like to do in ministry more than anything else. She responded that she would like to begin a ministry to people who have been hurt by the church. I laughed and responded that if she found a way to do that her church would not remain small for very long!

In every community there are many, many people who have been wounded by churches they used to attend. In some cases, they were able to move on to other churches, but far too often the wounds are too deep, and they simply walk away from the church forever.

Scripture is very clear that shepherds are to love, care for and feed the sheep, not beat them into submission. We are to teach the truth in love, not use the Scriptures as a club to force compliance. The Bible is very clear that those of us who serve as leaders in the church will answer to God for how we served those entrusted to us by God. Some pastors will have much to answer for.

We also note that Jesus prayed for unity among His people, and Scripture gives numerous warnings to those who create disunity and disharmony among the people of God. The church is never to be a battleground. Our battle should be against the forces of darkness, not against one another. A kingdom divided against itself cannot stand. Neither can it be an effective witness for God.

If your church is becoming a battleground, please call in support to help it address the conflicts. If you are part of a denomination, they will have people who can help you deal with conflict. If your church is independent you can call in consultants to address the issues. Whatever you do, don't let it continue thinking that maybe it will get better. It won't, and your church's ability to do ministry may well be affected for decades.

Bullies in the pulpit

When I served as an Area Minister a good friend of mine called one day saying their new pastor did nothing but beat them up every Sunday from the pulpit. My friend attended a healthy small church, but I had been hearing there were problems there since this pastor arrived. Their long-term treasurer had been removed by the pastor when he refused to pay a bill that was not budgeted and had not been approved by the congregation. Several members had already left the church. The church had stopped supporting its denomination because the new pastor didn't like the denomination. Evidently, as tensions escalated in the church the pastor was using the pulpit to try to beat the congregation into submission. I decided to visit the church.

My friend was right. I had attended this church numerous times in the past and always enjoyed the service. Not this Sunday! The pastor spent 45 minutes blasting the congregation. I almost walked out a couple of times and could not imagine why anyone would accept that week after week. Since I represented the denomination he didn't like, there was nothing I could say to him. I watched the church dwindle down to where there are now less than two dozen attending there now. Of course, he left some time ago. This once healthy church is in serious danger of not surviving.

I'm not sure why some pastors believe they need to beat on their congregations. As shepherds, pastors are to lead their sheep, not beat them. Something is seriously wrong with a pastor who feels the need to constantly criticize his or her congregation.

There is also something wrong with a congregation that accepts such pastoral leadership. Congregations are to respect their pastors and allow them to lead, but that does not mean they are to allow their pastors to abuse them. That is what this was: pastoral abuse. No congregation should have to endure that.

I'm sure my friend who called wanted me to intervene and either stop the pastor's misbehavior or have him removed from the church. In our tradition, we do not have the authority to do that. The congregation calls the pastor, and only the congregation can remove the pastor.

The problem in this particular church is that people would talk to the pastor individually. When he refused to listen or respond to them, they would leave the church. I suggested that if the bulk of the lay leadership were dissatisfied with this pastor's behavior that they confront him together and make it clear that they were not going anywhere and they were also not going to tolerate abusive behavior. Unfortunately, they did not do that which is why the church is in danger of closing now.

There is a fine line here. On the one hand, Scripture is clear that we are to follow those in authority over us. At the same time, Scripture is also clear that shepherds are not to abuse those placed under his care. When such abuse happens a congregation must be willing to confront the pastor and demand that it stop. There's been a lot of talk lately about stopping the bullying that goes on in our society. Let's also stop it in the pulpit.

Rope-a-Dope

In a match in 1974 known as the Rumble in the Jungle George Foreman was considered a heavy favorite to defeat Muhammad Ali due to his superior punching ability. However, Ali decided to use a strategy that would be known as rope-a-dope. Early in the fight he angered Foreman causing him to drive Ali to the ropes where he threw punch after punch. Ali laid back on the ropes, allowing them to absorb much of the punishment, and let Foreman wear himself out throwing punches. Finally, when Foreman was noticeably tired, Ali came off the ropes and quickly ended the fight by knocking him out.

This fighting strategy came to mind last week as I began to wonder why Clinton was spending little time on the campaign trail. I wondered if the rumors about her health might be true. Or, perhaps she was just avoiding questions about her e-mails or foundation. Maybe she felt she had such a comfortable lead that she didn't need to campaign and just preferred spending time with major contributors. After Trump's trip to Mexico which seemed to make him appear more presidential which was followed by his continued statements about immigration and the wall which he insists Mexico will pay for I decided that maybe Clinton is just employing the old rope-a-dope strategy. Let the opponent defeat himself.

The strategy is well named. The only way it works is if the person it's being used against isn't smart enough to recognize what is happening. Other boxers tried to use it against their opponents only to find that they refused to take the bait. The opponent just waited in the middle of the ring and challenged the boxer to meet them there. Rather than challenging Clinton's policies, her wisdom, and her fitness for office he seems unwilling to do that. He just keeps swinging wildly making statements that continues to drive up his negative ratings while Clinton sits on the sidelines watching him self-destruct. It is a strategy that is serving her well.

Sometimes, this isn't a bad strategy for those of us in ministry leadership. We will certainly have persons who oppose us and what we are trying to do. Some of them will make outrageous claims about us. Our initial reaction is often to respond in kind in an effort to defend ourselves. At least, that's my first reaction. However, there are times when the best strategy might be to ignore their attacks and continue doing what God has called us to do.

Give some people enough rope and they will eventually hang themselves. When people hear the complaints of your accusers and yet see you living and ministering with integrity and humility, they will see through the complaints. On the other hand, if they see you and your accuser each throwing mud at one another they may decide there might be some truth in what is being said about you.

I'm not saying there is never a time to defend yourself, but choose carefully the battles you engage in. As I told a group of ministers recently, you don't need to die on every hill. Lean back in the arms of Christ and let him absorb the blows you are receiving.

Terminating a pastor

A Facebook friend, Joe McKeever, had a post earlier this week about the problems that arise when a church dismisses a pastor. As he noted, such action causes the church to pay a heavy price, especially if the termination was not warranted. Termination also impacts the pastor and his or her family, and many never recover from the ordeal. Scripture warns us that we need to be very cautious in how we treat those whom God has called into ministry.

I served as the bivocational pastor of one church for twenty years. During that time there were two significant conflicts, both concerning me, but to my knowledge I was never in danger of being terminated. Both were resolved, and we were able to move forward. Unfortunately, that does not happen in every church.

In fourteen years of judicatory ministry I saw some pastors treated terribly by their churches. I could not believe the reasons some churches gave for terminating their pastors. In at least one instance a pastor was forced to resign because many in the congregation quit giving so the church was unable to pay his salary. Numerous pastors resigned because they grew tired of having to deal with church controllers. One of my responsibilities was to assist churches seeking pastors, and in a couple of instances I refused to assist them due to the way they had treated too many pastors in the past. As I explained, I would not sacrifice any more good pastors on the altar of their dysfunction.

What are some reasons churches give for terminating a pastor or asking for his or her resignation?

• The church was not growing as if church growth is the sole responsibility of the pastor.
• The pastor would not bow to the whims of the deacons. You will not find anywhere in Scripture that teaches the pastor is to be controlled by deacons.
• The pastor's family has problems, and if a man does not rule his own household well he cannot lead. A lot of church families have problems. Prayer and support might be a better alternative than adding to their problems.
• The pastor will not yield to the church controllers. He or she should receive a salary increase when this happens. Finally, someone in the church was willing to stand up to the people who are killing your church.
• The pastor did not visit me when I was in the hospital. Did he or she even know you were in the hospital? Who called to tell them?
• The pastor won't keep regular office hours in case someone wants to stop in to talk. Except in the largest churches with staff, most pastors have to much to do to sit around an office in case someone decides to stop by. That's why people make appointments.

Of course, there are many other reasons, but these are some of the most common I've encountered.

We have to admit there may be some valid reasons for asking the pastor to resign. If the pastor is teaching false doctrine or has a moral failure then for the health of the church he or she needs to leave.

Even then a church needs to be very cautious about how this is handled. Before entering the ministry our family left the church we were attending due to the pastor's liberal theology. I was a deacon in the church and therefore one of the leaders. It was obvious to me that the majority of the congregation did not share my concern about his theology. Rather than push the issue, I resigned and we began attending another church. The pastor asked me to address my concerns at the next business meeting of the church, but I knew that would only create disharmony in the church which I did not want. I assured him I was not his enemy and did not want to bring turmoil to the congregation. I would leave a church again before trying to force out a pastor with whom I disagreed. Two weeks after we left my wife was told by a member that she heard we had left because we were unhappy the choir got new robes!

Don't put a pastor on a pedestal, but be careful about how you treat that person. A lot of church leaders are going to answer before God for the way they treated these men and women God called to serve them. That may not be a pleasant experience.

Small things can bring great harm

Solomon once warned us that small things can cause great harm. In Song of Solomon 2:15 he reminds us that the little foxes can destroy the vines. I thought of this verse when I recently read that another leader of a large church had been removed from his position because of misconduct.

Darrin Patrick, pastor of The Journey, a megachurch in St. Louis was fired as the pastor after church elders investigated some allegations of misconduct. While they emphasized that there was no evidence of adultery, they claimed that Patrick had engaged in inappropriate contact with two females. In addition, they said that they had been working with him for several years on some other areas of sin in his life including misuse of power, manipulation and lying, and lack of self-control which they claimed amounted to "deep historical patterns of sin."

Patrick joins other well-known ministers who have been terminated or resigned from their churches in recent years due to issues such as pride, misuse of power, and a lack of accountability.

In no way am I going to point a finger at Patrick or any other pastor who struggles with such sin in their lives. I do not know the circumstances nor do I want to. Anyone in a position of leadership, including pastors, will be tempted to misuse their power. Notice, I didn't say they might be tempted; I said we will be tempted. However brief the temptation may be, there will be times when it will come, and how we handle it will shape our ministries and leadership for years to come.

I am sure that Patrick and other pastors in similar situations did not get up one morning and decide they would begin to manipulate people, lie to them, and misuse their positions of authority. More likely, one day a "mispeak" was used to advance something that would benefit the church. I use the term "mispeak" because it is a popular term among politicians who somehow seem to get by with it quite often. Maybe the end result was good so the lie was overlooked. However, one lie often leads to another.

One misuse of authority also leads to another. After all, we can always justify it because we are doing the Lord's work, and what we are doing is to advance the Kingdom of God. One flirty moment leads to another. Again, it's all harmless because we would never follow through with anything physical. And then one day we stand before our leadership group trying to respond to allegations of misconduct.

God reminded Cain (Gen. 4:7) that sin lies at the door desiring to take control of his life. That same warning applies to those of us in ministry. Small, seemingly insignificant things can overtime grow much larger. We open the door, and suddenly a foothold that sin had in our lives becomes a stronghold that we cannot overcome.

At the very root of such sin is pride, and the cure for pride is humility. The best leaders I've known were very humble people. They recognized any success they enjoyed was not of their own doing. They are quick to give God and those who work with them the praise for the good things that occur under their leadership.

As a leader, there will be times when you will be tempted to think more highly of yourself than you should. When such times occur it is important to spend even more time in prayer, in reading the Scriptures, and in worship. Maintain a humble spirit, and you will be less likely to fall into the traps that pride can set for you.

Finally, let's pray for one another. Again, I am not criticizing any of these pastors nor should you. Rather, let's pray for them and for one another that we will not fall victim to Satan's snares.

Some churches do not deserve a pastor

This week I've had conversations with two pastors who are having difficulties in their churches. I'm not talking about some minor differences. These are situations where a small group of people are determined to get rid of the pastor, and if that fails to make it as painful as possible for him to stay. In addition to these two pastors, I'm aware of two others in very similar situations.

In each case, it is a small group within the church that is causing the problems. Some of the things they are doing are beyond belief, and some are illegal, but they are all designed to force the pastor out. One other thing each of these have in common is that the same small group in each church has done this type of thing before.

Several things about this bothers me. One, is that a small group of people in a church can believe that this is the way Christians are supposed to act if they dislike their pastor. In order to rid the church of the pastor, in order to get their way, nothing is off-limit. In their minds, anything they do is permissible as long as it gets them what they want.

Of course, this is the classic thinking of the church controller. As I've defined church controllers before, these people are cancers in the church. They are unhealthy cells that will attack healthy cells, and if they are not stopped they will eventually kill the body. Cancer cannot be cured by ignoring it or covering it with a bandage. Treating cancer requires drastic measures that sometimes results in short-term pain and discomfort but is necessary if the body is to survive.

That brings me to the second thing that bothers me about such churches. Good people are willing to sit by and allow this to happen. A minority of people cannot create discord in a church unless the majority allows them to do so. As a pastor once told me, "The problem in our church is that we have too many nice people who aren't willing to stand up to the few who aren't so nice."

Church controllers need to be confronted immediately by congregational leaders when they misbehave. I know in smaller churches we don't want to upset anyone for fear they might leave, but you should want unrepentant church controllers to leave. Why do you want to keep mean-spirited people who are running good people away from the church? I've seen what happens in a church when controllers are confronted by church leaders. Like most bullies, they get mad and stomp off, and the church begins to grow.

The third thing that bothers me about this situation is that the pastors often feel stuck. In fact, one of them used that very expression when we talked this week. There are few churches in his denomination currently seeking pastors. He has a family to support. He feels he can do little but take whatever abuse the controllers want to give. The pain and resignation in his voice made me hurt for him and his family.

This points once again to one of the advantages of bivocational ministry. As I've told people who attend one of my seminars, my church could have fired me one day and the next day I would have gone right back in the factory, punched the time clock, and worked all week. On Friday I would have received my paycheck and my family would have eaten and maintained a roof over our heads.

Churches that have a history of this kind of behavior need to be told by their denominations that this is no longer acceptable. Denominational leaders such as myself should refuse to sacrifice any more good pastors on the altars of these church's dysfunctions. We should offer to help them become healthy churches before we help them find new pastors, and if they refuse our first offer we should refuse their request to help them find a new pastor. Will we lose some churches by doing this? Probably, but who cares? It's better than losing more good pastors to their dysfunctional behavior.

Is your church a safe place?

Small churches are often referred to as family churches.  In many of them, the vast majority of people have attended church there for years, sometimes for generations.  We all know everyone, sometimes too well!  This makes this post that much difficult to write.

Churches are to be many things to people, but one of the most basic is that they must be a safe place for people to attend.  Unfortunately, this is not always the case.  One reads of pastors, church staff, and others in churches who become involved sexually with persons in the church.  As a judicatory leader I occasionally have to work with churches dealing with this issue.  When it becomes known that a person has been sexually involved with a minor it then becomes a legal matter that has major ramifications for the individuals involved and the church.

The Catholic church has paid millions of dollars in compensation to the victims of sexual abuse and has received a great deal of negative press about its previous efforts to cover up this abuse.  Even worse than this is the impact this abuse has had on the victims.  What they believed would be a safe place turned out not to be, and someone that people thought should be trusted turned out to abuse that trust.  Unfortunately, such abuse is not limited to the Catholic church but occurs in Protestant churches as well.

The church must take steps to ensure that such abuse does not happen.  Churches should adopt sexual misconduct and sexual harassment policies that clearly state the behaviors expected of both staff and lay persons in the church.  Such policies should state how complaints of this nature should be addressed and guarantee to the one making the complaint that there will be no retaliation taken against anyone making such a complaint.  You can find numerous examples of such policies on the Internet that you can use as a template.  Church Mutual Insurance Company has a very good booklet that addresses child sexual abuse specifically that would be a good resource for many churches.

Many larger churches require background checks on anyone working with children and youth, but I have found few smaller churches that require such checks.  The mindset in these churches is that since everyone knows everybody such checks are unnecessary and demeaning.  That mindset needs to change. Sexual predators know that smaller churches tend to be quite happy to have new volunteers and often don't do background checks.  Some long-time members might be initially offended if the church sets a policy of doing background checks on everyone serving in the church, but it should be explained that the church wants to protect children not only now but in the future as well.  Such concern for the well-being of children should alleviate any concerns these long-time members might have.

Any allegation must be taken seriously and investigated immediately.  The policies your church established should describe how such investigations will happen and who will lead them.  It is critical that confidentially be maintained as much as possible.  However, when behavior falls within the legal abuse-reporting guidelines such reports must be made.

This is a very complex subject and certainly cannot be covered with a blog post.  My concern today is only that too many smaller churches assume nothing like this will occur in their churches, and they have not developed any kind of policies or plans for how to prevent such abuse or how to address it if it does occur.  There are many resources out there to help your church develop such policies, and any final document you draft should be looked at by your attorney and insurance agent.  They can be of great assistance in developing these policies.

Unfortunately, your church can do everything right and still not guarantee that abuse will not happen.  Nevertheless, it's critical that every church make the effort to prevent such abuse and harassment from occurring.  Our churches must be safe places for people to gather and worship God together.  Let's do everything we can do to make that happen.