The friendliest church in town

As an Area Resource Minister I often helped churches who were seeking new pastoral leadership. One of the questions I would ask in our first meeting was "Why would anyone want to attend your church?" More often than not, the question caught people by surprise. Stop and think about it. Chances are anyone who visited a church for the first time probably drove past several other churches to get to yours. So, why yours? More times than not, the answer was because they were the friendliest church in town. In fact, I've often said that I have yet to meet the second most friendliest church in any town! But, is this true?

An Area Resource Minister is often in a different church almost every week. When I retired from that ministry I was serving 133 churches. Many churches, especially in the early years, did not know me and simply saw me as a visitor. Sadly, I have to admit that many of those churches were not very friendly.

In one church no one was allowed to enter the sanctuary until the Sunday school class that met there finished. I think there were six or less people in that class. The entrance filled up almost wall to wall. My wife and I stood there, obviously people who had never been in that church before, and not a single person spoke to either of us or even acknowledged that we existed. Because I tend to be a little ornery, I was determined to not make the first move. I wanted to see how this congregation treated its first-time guests. They failed the test.

In another church the "greeters" were huddled in a corner talking to themselves when my wife and I entered. I finally approached them and asked a question which they could not answer, but I was directed to a visitor's book "somewhere around here" that I was to find and sign it. They went back to their previous conversation. Before the service started, a gentleman who did know me must have said something to them because they came marching single-file down the aisle, said they were glad I was there, turned around and marched back to the back. Not that friendly.

I could repeat many more stories like these, but what I found in 14 years of visiting different churches is that most churches are friendly to those on the inside but not so much to those on the outside. In fact, it was so bad I developed a "Church Hospitality" seminar that I presented to several churches who requested it.

Success in evangelism and church growth depends on the ability to build relationships with people. In the past, people attended a church and built relationships with the people there. Today, the relationships come first. If people do not have a relationship with someone in your congregation, they probably won't come. And if they come, they will determine with a very few minutes whether or not they will return. That determination will be based on a number of factors, but one of the major factors is the friendliness of the people they meet.