Who ministers to you?

As ministers we are used to serving others during times of both joy and sorrow.  People call us as they go through the various valleys of life seeking a word from God and the comfort of the church.  Most of us are glad to be able to walk with them during those times of pain and confusion.  But, do you have someone to walk with you during similar times in your own life?  Who are the people in your life with whom you can share your own pain and questions?  Are there people with whom you can process your own grief?

Several years ago my father-in-law passed away, and the family asked me to have his funeral.  It was a very emotional service, and I nearly broke down a couple of times myself.  But, as the minister I felt I had to be the professional.  I needed to be the strong one others could lean on so I forced myself to appear strong.  About three months later I was driving past the farm my father-in-law owned.  For a number of years I had farmed that land and felt a strong attraction to it.  Knowing it was for sale and this might be the last time I could be on it, I stopped.  I walked down to the corn crib that I filled each year with corn and to the barn where I kept some tools, housed the tobacco crop we raised, and where he kept chickens.  I sat down in the floor of that dusty barn looking around when all the grief I had stored for three months began to pour out.  I cried until there were no more tears left as I grieved the loss of my father-in-law.  How much better for me would it have been if I would have had someone with whom I could have processed that grief sooner?

In my experience with bivocational ministers I have found that few of us have those people in our lives.  For some of us, the only people we have to talk to are our spouses, and that isn't fair to them.  They should not be the only support system we have.  If you do not have a support system I would encourage you to begin looking for such people now.  They might be other bivocational ministers who understand the special challenges you face.  It might be a denominational or judicatory person, a retired pastor, or a fully-funded pastor you know.  Your support system could include a life or ministry coach if that would work better for you.  Whoever you choose should be someone you trust and who appreciates you and your ministry.

Some reading this post will immediately think they don't have time for such relationships, but after 30 years of doing bivocational ministry I will tell you that you don't have the time to not have those relationships.  If you are in the ministry for the long haul you must have people in your life who can come alongside to encourage you, minister to you, and help you process some of the challenges you will experience in ministry.  I encourage you to begin seeking such individuals and invite them into your life.