If only

I recently read that the two most common words a counselor is apt to hear is "If only...."  Sad to say, I've said those words myself on many occasions, and they seldom were stated in positive terms.  Usually when those words are uttered it is because we are remembering a choice we made some time in the past that did not turn out as well as we hoped or we are remembering the actions or words someone else directed towards us.

Anyone who has lived very long has made choices that were proven wrong.  If only we had chosen a different school.  If only we had chosen a different profession.  If only we hadn't chose to be at that location at that specific time.  If only we had chosen different friends, or a different spouse, or a different course of action our lives would be much different now.  Unfortunately, what these words do is to hold us hostage to a past that we cannot change, and they often keep us from the ability to move forward with our lives.

An interesting truth is that our minds are not capable of holding but one thought at a time.  The more time we spend thinking about how things might have been "if only" we had made different choices the less time we have to think about how things can be better in the future.  I know pastors that cannot plan for the future because their minds are locked into mistakes they made in the past.  I know even more churches that spend much more time reliving the past than they spend preparing for the future.  Sometimes those memories of the past are much better than the past really was.  Such thinking reminds me of the person who said that the older he got the better he was.  At other times the church's thinking is more in line with "If only...."  In either case, the church can't prepare for the future as long as it spends its time reliving the past.

Individuals, pastors, and churches all have made choices that didn't work out as we had hoped.  We can spend our time visualizing what life might have looked like if only we had made other choices, but what good does that do?  Take time to learn from those poor choices, and move on.  Spend as little time and energy thinking about the if only's in your life and more time seeking a fresh vision from God for the future.  You and the church will find it much more rewarding if you do.