Tuesday, October 29, 2013

A different look at people who leave your church

Most pastors have felt the emotions often associated with hearing the words, "Pastor, we are leaving the church."  It's easier when their leaving is due to their moving away.  It's much harder when their reasons have to do with the pastor, the direction the church is doing, or some conflict in the church.  As a pastor I often felt like I had somehow failed these folks or they wouldn't be leaving.  What I have come to realize later in life is that there are valid reasons for people leaving a church for another one that has little to do with the pastor.

Few ministers remain at one church their entire ministry.  Some of us go to a church thinking that we will remain there until our ministries end only to find that God leads us in another direction.  As regular readers know, I was pastor at Hebron Baptist Church for twenty years and had no desire to leave.  We were enjoying a good ministry in that church, but I became aware that my time there was about to end.  One day I realized that I had taken that church as far as I could with the gifts and abilities I had, and if the church was to go to another level of ministry it needed a pastor who had different gifts than I did.  I felt certain that God was going to open up a new ministry door for me, but I didn't know it would be two years later before that door opened and it would lead me out of pastoral ministry to a denominational role.

If pastors can leave a church because their work there has ended, why can the same not be true for lay leaders?  Somehow we have the idea that if someone joins a church and leaves for any reason other than moving from the community that something is wrong.  I realize that some people leave for selfish reasons and some leave for reasons that are just plain childish, but we need to accept the idea that sometimes people leave one church for another for good, valid reasons.

Sometimes a person will feel led to another church so they have a better opportunity to use their gifts.  For instance, someone who can play the piano may be in a church that has four piano players but knows of a church in the community that has no one to play for their services.  Perhaps that person would feel led to move to that church to assist them in their worship.  I know of a church restart that asked people from surrounding churches to help provide leadership for a few months while the church was getting started.  People came to teach classes and participate in the life of the church.  Many of them returned to their home church after a few months, but a few stayed to become part of the core group of this church restart.  Some may feel God is leading their church in new directions which are not comfortable to everyone.  Recognizing that most of the congregation is committed to these new directions those who are not comfortable may decide to leave for another church rather than resist what seems to be a move of God.  We are often tempted to criticize these folks; perhaps we should avoid making judgment on their decisions.  I know of a family who decided to leave a church because of some decisions the congregation made, and today they are leading a ministry in their new church far beyond anything that their former church was capable of doing.

It is a mistake to believe that God can only call pastors to leave a church for another ministry.  He can also call lay leaders to do the same, and it's time we in the church recognize that and acknowledge their faith in accepting that call.  Perhaps it's time to publicly recognize those persons who are leaving for new lay ministry opportunities and ask the congregation to pray for them and the work they will be doing in their new church.  That would be much more proper than what sometimes happen in churches when people leave.

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