Communication is critical in times of change

As a Resource Minister in our Region I was occasionally called in to address church conflict. While there were many reasons for the various conflicts, one seemed to be found in almost all of them: a lack of communication. So many times people would tell me that there was little or no communication between church leaders and the congregation.

Most of the time this wasn't intentional. Often, the leaders felt they had communicated with the congregation. Obviously, they had not done so in a way that was received by the congregation. When people feel leaders are keeping things from them they quickly begin to distrust those leaders. They become suspicious of everything that goes on in the church fearful that somebody is trying to get away with something.

Even worse, when people do not have the facts they begin to create their own. Rumors begin to fly and the gossip mill begins to churn out information hourly. Often, these made-up facts are not even close to the real truth, but because the truth has not been communicated to the congregation this is all they have.

Where there has been a history of poor communication there is often a low-trust church. Such churches must begin immediately to improve their communication. In such cases it is almost impossible to over-communicate. This communication will, in time, begin to restore the trust needed for a church to enjoy an effective ministry.

Communication is critical in times of change. Many churches do not handle change very well. It creates a level of stress that these churches would prefer to not have. It is important that the WHY of the change is communicated. In fact, this should be communicated before discussing the WHAT of the change. John Kotter, author of
Leading Change, tells us that most change efforts fail because the leaders failed to create an urgency around the change. Talking about the why of the change does create this sense of urgency in the minds of the congregation.

It is also critical during times of pastoral transition. As I've often told pastor search teams, "Inquiring minds want to know." The church is very interested in the progress the search team is making. While it's important that the team keeps the congregation informed of where it is in the process, it must also maintain certain confidences such as the persons with whom they are speaking. Most people in the congregation will be satisfied with knowing that the team is making progress and won't push for more information that should not be shared.

One pastor was proposing something that the church had never done previously. Rather than make a big announcement at a business meeting that may have generated a lot of opposition, he presented it first to the church leadership. When they approved, it was taken to small groups within the church for feedback. Although there were some questions, there was no real opposition. More importantly, people felt that the pastor had not gone behind their backs and tried to do something new. Good communication had occurred, people had been heard, and it was possible to move forward with the suggestion.

This is the way good communication should work in a church. Make sure people are informed and any concerns they have are heard. Over-communicate if necessary. I have found that most people in the church can be trusted to do the right thing if they have the right information.

When things don't go as planned

Last week our plans were to travel to the Philadelphia area where our son and his family lives. My wife and I left home at the time we had planned. As we were leaving a light snow was falling. A couple of hours later the snow was getting heavier. We saw a number of vehicles off the road including one semi that was laying on its side. It had caught fire. We were almost involved in two accidents ourselves. I kept slowing down due to the amount of traffic and the dangerous conditions. When we got to Wheeling, WV we decided to spend the night.

I called our son and told him of the weather. He advised me that he would have turned around and went back home and suggested we do the same. Later that night he sent me a text saying their weather was going to be just as bad or worse later in the week, and we would be driving back in that when we returned home. I started watching the weather reports and didn't like what I was hearing. The next morning we made the decision that for once we would be smart and head back home before more bad weather arrived.

 As we started back the next morning I wasn't feeling very well. By the time we got back home I was sick with a bad head cold. As I write this I'm still not feeling well, but I think I have improved. It was definitely not the week we had planned.

We were looking forward to spending time with family last week, but that didn't happen. To say we are disappointed would be a major understatement!

I sometimes wonder how often God is disappointed when I fail to live up to His plans for my life. Scripture is clear that even before we were born God knew the plans He had for us. However, He also created us with a free will that allows us to make choices, and sometimes those choices go counter to the plans He has for us.

He could have eliminated that by making us robots, but He didn't do that. He created us as free moral agents with the ability to choose for ourselves the paths we will travel. I have often chosen a path for myself that was not in line with His purpose for my life. I have made choices that have brought pain and problems in my life and the lives of others I care for. We all have.

The good news is that our God is a God of grace, and when we repent of those wrong choices He is willing to forgive us and help us get back on the right path. Very often that means that we can still fulfill the purposes for which we were created. Failure doesn't have to be final.

Although we didn't get to see our son and his family before Christmas, we will go back soon after Christmas and spend a few days with them. When we do, this failed trip will be all but forgotten and we'll enjoy the time we do spend with them. Of course, we'll check the weather a little closer before we start out again!

Put your hope in the right place

In an upcoming interview first lady Michelle Obama suggests that America has lost hope now that Donald Trump has been elected President. Her husband ran his campaign on hope and change, and now that he's leaving office his wife believes the hope America felt is gone as well.

She's not the only person to feel this way. People have been screaming the sky is falling ever since the election. College students, who should be approaching adulthood, need to see counselors to address the anxiety they feel with Trump taking office. Some former Facebook friends expressed their anxieties over a Trump presidency about every two hours after the election which is why they are former FB friends. (I just got tired of all the drama.)

The problem with Michelle Obama's claim that America is losing hope, and all the other Chicken Littles out there freaking out over the election, is that it reflects a secular worldview regarding hope. No person is going to fix your life or make you happy. If your hope is in an individual you are going to go through life very disappointed. Did President Obama do some good things in office? Yes, he did. He also did some things that were not so good. History will one day judge his overall effectiveness as President. Guess what? President Trump will also do some good things and some things not so good. If your hope goes up and down based on what the President does your life is going to be very unsettled.

In our Western society today we have the mistaken belief that everyone should be happy all the time. It is a symptom of our entitlement mentality. People want free healthcare. College students want free tuition. Here's a newsflash for some people: Life can be tough sometimes. There is no free lunch. Someone is going to pay for that free healthcare and free tuition. Grown up people understand that they have to provide for their own needs. If your hope is based on the belief that the government or some other entity is going to take care of you then your hope is based on the wrong thing.

Our hope must be focused on the one thing or person that can never change, and that is God. We celebrate Christmas because the birth of Jesus Christ ushered in the one hope that will never fail. Our expectations of God might fail us at times, but He will never fail.

For many elections now I have reminded congregations and others that God does not fly on Air Force One. He's not up for election every four years, and He doesn't make decisions based on the latest polls, how many in Congress He can get to agree with His policies or the make-up of the Supreme Court. He provides us with a solid foundation for our lives that we can rely on regardless of what occurs in our lives, and that is the foundation for a hope that will never fail us.

If you believe that the election of Donald Trump is going to usher in a new era of suffering in America, I just finished reading Timothy Keller's book Walking with God through Pain and Suffering. I mentioned it a few days ago and said that it would probably be my favorite book of 2016, and now that I've finished it I have not changed my mind. It is an excellent book that speaks to this whole issue of pain and suffering and the evil that exists in the world. As he points out, a Christian worldview does not deny the existence of evil and suffering, but it also points to the one true source of hope we have when such times come into our lives. If you've not read this book it should be on your 2017 reading list.

Transparency in ministry

One of the quickest ways to undermine your ministry is for people to begin thinking you are doing things behind their backs. I understand that some churches are very risk-adverse, but if the pastor begins to implement changes without the congregation's permission or even being aware that changes are coming he or she may find their ministry in that church to be very short-term.

Transparency is critical, especially in a smaller church or in one in which there has been a lack of transparency in the past. I have worked with enough churches in which there was little trust in the leadership to know how important it is that leaders be upfront with their congregations. Communication is key.

In one church the pastor wanted to do something that could have been controversial. After discussing it with the appropriate leadership group he presented it to other groups within the church. Even he was surprised how little controversy the proposal generated. While there were some questions, in general it was very well received, and the pastor was able to move forward with his idea.

Contrast that to another pastor who decided that it was easier to get forgiveness than permission so he went ahead and made a significant change without discussing it with anyone. What he learned was that getting forgiveness wasn't a given either, especially since he had done such things previously. The church had become tired of him going around the various leadership groups in the church and doing whatever he wanted to do. Although he would have probably eventually been given permission to do what he wanted, he didn't want to wait and proceeded without congregational approval. This final action damaged whatever trust that existed in this church for his leadership, and he soon had to leave the church. A friend of this pastor and one of his strong supporters in the church later told me that he could have served that church for many years if he had been willing to be patient and work with the leadership groups within the congregation.

Such transparency is important in all size churches, but it is critical in smaller churches. These churches often have a revolving-door pastorate as many ministers view these churches as stepping stones to a larger ministry. As a result, these churches have learned to depend primarily on their lay leadership. They can be very concerned if they believe that their pastors are bypassing these lay leaders. These churches often have a great deal of confidence in their lay leaders; they seldom have the same level of trust in their pastoral leadership because these individuals do not stay long enough to earn that level of trust.

The quickest way for a pastor of a smaller church to earn the trust of the church is to be extremely transparent, especially when introducing any type of change to the church. Over-communicate to ensure transparency. Make sure that no one is surprised when you begin something different or want to change something within the church.

Almost no one will become upset if you include them in your thinking process as you consider the ministry of the church you serve. In fact, most people will be honored that you thought enough of them that you sought their input. You will find that you will enjoy a much more productive ministry in the long run if you practice transparency in every aspect of your ministry.

You can't lead sitting on a fence

Studies have found that many pastors do not see themselves as leaders. In fact, many of them do not want to lead. That's a shame because pastors are called to be leaders in their churches. Maybe their reluctance to lead has to do with a misunderstanding of what a church leader is to be.

Church leaders are not dictators nor are they CEOs. They are servant-leaders who recognize they are there to serve their churches and the communities in which their churches are located. In Mt. 20:28 we find Jesus reminding his disciples "the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve...." That is the model for pastors and other church leaders. We are not called to our places of ministry to be served but to be servant-leaders.

Another reason some pastors are reluctant to lead is that they've never been taught how to lead. As I've written before, many seminaries do not train pastors to be leaders. They train them to be managers. They are taught how to keep the machinery running and the church operating. They are taught how to prepare sermons and provide pastoral care. They are taught how to work within their denominational polity so as to not create waves. They are taught many good things, but they are not taught to be leaders.

A third reason I've found that keeps many pastors from leading their churches is that they have an intense desire to be liked. They don't want to upset anyone or cause any dissension in the church. If you have an insatiable desire to be liked by everyone you will find it impossible to lead. Inherent in leadership is the need to make tough decisions, and some of those decisions are not going to be popular with everyone.

I have found that many in church leadership are great at sitting on the fence. They remind me of the politician who was asked his opinion on a controversial issue. He responded that some of his friends favored one viewpoint and others supported the opposite viewpoint. When he was again asked his opinion he said he agreed with his friends.

 You can't lead sitting on a fence. There comes a time when a leader must make tough choices. Leaders have to sometimes say things that are hard for some to hear. Leaders have to take risks if they are to effectively lead their organizations. Some Christians will threaten to leave the church if they do not get their way. Leaders have to be willing to watch them walk away if they want to lead the church forward. Leaders refuse to be held hostage by church controllers. Leaders will take a stand and defend it.

Although everything I've just written is true, we must be careful. Timing is everything. Just because someone is the pastor of a church does not mean he or she is a leader in that church. In most churches it takes time before the pastor actually is able to lead a church. This is especially true in smaller churches. We also have to be careful that we don't try to force our ideas on congregations. Trying to force church members to do something they don't want to do is like trying to push a rope. We also have to determine which mountains are worth dying on. Sometimes the rewards of accomplishing something isn't actually worth the risks involved in doing so.

This is what servant-leadership is all about. We do not need to tiptoe around on eggshells, but we do need to work with the people in our churches to accomplish the tasks God has given us. We never want to come across as arrogant or mean-spirited or give the impression that we will get our way by whatever means possible. We are there to serve, not demand, but at the same time we are to lead.

 No one ever said leading a church is easy, but if this is what God has called you to do, then lead. Get off the fence and lead your church to accomplish the vision He has for it.

Pray without ceasing

We know the Bible says that we are to pray without ceasing, but prayer is one of those things the church often talks about more than it actually does. The fact is, we're too busy to pray much. Life gets in the way. Sometimes we are so involved in church activities that prayer gets left by the wayside. This can especially be a problem for pastors and other church leaders. Besides, just how much time should we devote in prayer? How in the world could one pray without ceasing anyway? You can't spend all your time on your knees.

It's interesting to look at some of the spiritual giants from the past and their attitudes towards prayer.

Martin Luther once said, "I have so much to do today that I'm going to need to spend three hours in prayer in order to get it all done."

We know from the book that bears his name that Daniel prayed three times a day. So did E. M. Bounds, who was an influential pastor around the time of the Civil War. Some of his books remain classics on prayer.

George Whitfield, an important evangelist in both England and the United States, prayed an hour in the morning, an hour in the afternoon, and an hour each evening.

Maybe someone would argue that these individuals lived in a simpler time without all the demands of modern society which meant they had more time to pray than we do today. That would be true. They weren't distracted by televisions, games of the week, movies, and many of the other things that seem to pull people away from spending time with God. They were also not blessed (?) with all the time-saving devices of our modern society such as computers, smart phones, social media, etc.

Their distractions were more in the order of having to make their own bread, growing their own food, cutting their firewood to heat their homes plus serving their churches as pastors and evangelists. I think we need to be very careful to assume they had more time to pray than we do today. The safer assumption is that they took prayer more seriously than many of us do today and sought out times to pray.

I am in no way insinuating that each of us needs to pray three hours or more a day although that would not be a bad thing if you do. God does not love us more if we pray more. I can assure you that I do not spend anywhere close to three hours a day in prayer. In fact, there are times I struggle to pray as I should as much as anyone.

What I am saying that that most of us would do well to make prayer more of a priority in our lives than we do. We need to become more intentional about blocking out times to pray. We also need to realize that we will often accomplish more in our prayers than in anything else we do.

Pray without ceasing. Look for opportunities to pray. If you hear a siren going down the street, stop and pray for those first responders and for those they are going to serve. If you're stuck on the interstate behind a line of cars due to a wreck ahead, pray for those persons involved.  You may not know the situation or what they need, but God does. If you see someone struggling to cross the street, don't honk at them to hurry up. Pray for them. When someone asks you to pray for them, actually do so. We may not pray three hours a day, but each of us can be in an attitude of prayer where we are looking for opportunities to pray.

Toxic people at church

In yesterday's post I addressed the problem of toxic people in our personal lives. Such people, as I pointed out, will prevent us from becoming the person God wants us to be and from achieving the purposes for which He created us. Also, if we are not careful, they will pull us down to their level and cause us to become toxic ourselves. The best way to overcome toxic people is to just ignore them. Walk away. Find new friends and develop relationships with healthier people.

But, what if you are a pastor or church leader and those toxic people are in your church? It's not always easy to walk away, and in most cases we shouldn't, but what can we do to protect ourselves from their toxicity?

First, and foremost, we must set boundaries in all our relationships and especially with the ones we have with toxic people. Dr. Henry Cloud wrote an exceptional book on this issue called Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Since many of us struggle with setting appropriate boundaries for different relationships in our lives, I often recommend this book as one that everyone needs to read.

One of the first things to remember about boundaries is that we really cannot set boundaries or limits on other people. We can only set limits on our own exposure to people who are behaving poorly. Those boundaries are not going to immediately cause them to act differently. They will just change the way we respond to their actions. In time, we hope setting appropriate boundaries will cause them to consider their actions and change, but the initial boundary is to protect us from their current misbehavior.

As church leaders we know that our churches are going to attract people with problems. That is as it should be. The church was never intended to be a hotel for saints but a hospital for sinners, and we are all sinners. However, some check in with more problems than others, and some are more toxic than others. We have to protect ourselves from that toxicity or we will find ourselves soon unable to help anyone. Setting proper boundaries help provide that protection.

Pastors often struggle with setting boundaries. Most of us go into ministry as a result of sensing God's call on our lives. We want to help others, and if we set boundaries we can begin to feel as if we are failing them. By the way, some will accuse us of ignoring them or not wanting to help them if they run up against some of the boundaries we've set. Be prepared for that!

However, we are not failing them. We are helping them by allowing them to assume more responsibility for their lives. We are also helping ensure our own well-being by not being drawn into every mess in their lives. Healthy boundaries are beneficial for everyone. In fact, refusing to set boundaries really isn't helping those we think we are helping.

There's not space in this post to go into great detail about setting boundaries. If this is a need you have I highly recommend reading this book. It is an incredible resource for anyone who needs to have better boundaries in their lives.