Forgiveness to reconciliation

 “If you forgive others the wrongs they have done to you, your Father in heaven will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive the wrongs you have done.”  Matthew 6:14-15

Forgiveness is not easy, especially when the other person isn’t sorry, doesn’t change or refuses to change.  My story of forgiveness was a long journey which took many years.  I had a rough relationship with my father growing up.  He was abused as a child and had a lot of wounds from that.  He never experienced unconditional love or grace and he is not a believer so he has never experienced the true love of Christ or true healing from Christ.  I had my feelings hurt a lot and even wrote letters to him trying to improve our relationship.  He never saw that there was a problem or that he needed to change in any way.  So, any change had to be on my end.  Unfortunately, I grew bitter and resentful.  I got to the point where complaints of him consumed my thoughts and I couldn’t think of anything good about him.  It was then that I was aware of the hate that was in my heart.  As a Christian, I knew I didn’t want hate.  I knew it was poison to my soul and would prevent me from growing closer in my walk with Christ.  

I knew I couldn’t remove the hate on my own.  My first step was asking people to pray for me.  Then, I prayed for myself.  I prayed that God would remove this hate from me and teach me how to love and forgive my father. I asked God to teach me to love him as He loves him.  Slowly, I could say that I loved him.  I didn’t like him, but I did love him.  Then, prayed that God would show me my father through His eyes and not mine.  Little by little, I could see Dad’s little quirks that made him who he is.  Those quirks were pretty funny, I thought.  I saw how generous he is and I saw that he loved me and cared for me, even though he might not have been able to show it how I would have liked.  (Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages helped with this.)  I forgave him and I let go of the high expectations of a father that I placed upon him.  I grew to like my dad and love my dad.  It took many years and I can say that my heart is now free of the bitterness and resentment.  We talk about every day now too.

Forgiveness is a choice.  We forgive, not because the other person deserves it, but because our Heavenly Father forgave us when we didn’t deserve it.  Is there someone in your life that you need to forgive?  Ask God to search deep within your heart and show you where you need to reconcile.

“Get rid of all bitterness, passion, and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings of any sort. Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ.”  Ephesians 4:31-32

Anonymous
Madison FBC