This past week I was asked to preach the funeral of a young woman who was killed in our community by a hit-and-run driver while she was walking. This mother of an active duty serviceman was a member of the church I pastored for twenty years so I knew her and her family very well. Only after the funeral did the police announce that they had a person of interest, but at this point no arrest has been made. Over 900 people attended the viewing, and nearly 300 came to the funeral. I knew that at least some were hoping I could explain why this happened.
Early in my message I explained that I could not answer their "why" questions. I shared some of the simple answers some would have given them, but I said that I would not use any of those responses to try to explain the events of the past few days. This was not because I didn't believe any of them; it's just that I don't find those responses that helpful and comforting. I explained I also did not want our unanswered questions to overshadow the celebration of this woman's life and its impact on so many people. She was a person who was a friend to everyone she met and a blessing to so many people, and that was my focus for the remainder of the service.
As I younger pastor I probably would have used some of those answers in an attempt to explain what happened. "God had a purpose for calling her home." "She's in a better place now." Etc. Fortunately, I learned long ago that I did not need to always have an answer to everyone's questions nor did I need to defend God when tragedies occur. I learned that while going through crises in my own life. I've spent a lot of time asking the "why" question myself and never finding an answer, and through that I've learned that sometimes the only thing we can do is to trust that the presence of God will carry us through those dark times in our lives when there are no answers. The one thing I could do is to promise the family and friends of this young woman that God would be present with them as they struggle with their loss.
Giving people easy answers and looking for quick fixes for problems may make ministry simpler, but it doesn't really address the issues people face. "There is a time to be born and a time to die" may be biblical and true, but it's hardly comforting to a parent grieving the loss of a child. As ministers we have to be willing to go beyond that to walk with that parent through that loss. To give a struggling family "Three keys to a happy marriage" probably isn't going to resolve the issues they are facing. Families do not get into trouble overnight, and their problems are not going to be resolved overnight with a brochure and a prayer.
Ministry is often complicated and messy, and the more complicated life becomes the more difficult ministry will be. Often, the best thing we can do is to refer people to specialists trained to address the specific issues they are facing. We provide pastoral care and support, but we also refer them to others who can provide the professional help they need. Sometimes, pastoral care is enough, but sometimes it isn't. The wise pastor will be able to understand the difference.
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