Dysfunctional churches are led by dysfunctional people

Because of my writing and speaking I receive a lot of phone calls and e-mails from pastors and church leaders from numerous denominations.  Most are seeking my advice about something that is happening in their churches.  Many of the questions I receive are related to inappropriate behavior that an individual or small group in the church is doing.  If it seems that I write about controllers fairly often in this blog it's only because I have a lot of people asking how to deal with such people.  These controllers are taking a huge toll on their churches, but they are also taking a big toll on their pastors and the work of the Kingdom of God.

For new readers of this blog, controllers are people within the church who see the church as existing for their own benefit.  They see the church as their church, and they will run it the way they want to.  These are very dysfunctional people.  Some may work their way into leadership positions in the church while others prefer to work in the shadows.  The former group likes to use the church business meeting as their public forum to denounce everyone and everything they don't like.  The latter group prefers to talk privately in the parking lots and hallways hoping to get others to do their bidding while they appear to be above it all.  These folks seldom represent the majority of the people in the church, but for some reason the majority of people are intimidated by them and refuse to stand up to them.  As one pastor who finally resigned after having been beaten down by a handful of controllers in the church told me, "The problem with our church is we have too many nice people here who won't stand up to the ones who aren't so nice."  The same could be said of many churches.

Recently, I've been told of churches where the controllers are demanding things that are incredible.  In every case these churches have a long history of this kind of dysfunctional behavior on the part of the same people, and nobody is willing to confront them.  Frankly, I'm afraid I'm not much help to those who call with these issues in their churches because one of my first questions to the caller is, "What are you going to do about it?"  The first thing I usually hear when I ask that question is a long silence followed by something to the effect that there really isn't anything they can do.  I then ask if these people represent the majority of people in the church, and I'm usually told they do not.  I then repeat my first question.

I then begin to explain to the callers that controllers are cancers in the church.  They are unhealthy cells attacking healthy cells, and if they are not stopped they will eventually kill the body.  Cancer cannot be cured by putting a Band-Aid on it or by ignoring it.  Most cancers require drastic measures in order for a cure to occur.  Those measures are often not pleasant or enjoyable at the time but are essential if the body is to live.  Controllers are not nice people, especially if someone crosses them, and they usually will not be stopped by trying to be nice to them.  These people will attack anyone they consider to be a threat to their power or position in the church.  As I write about in my book The Healthy Small Church: Diagnosis and Treatment for the Big Issues most people will not enjoy the confrontation that is required to resolve issues with controllers, but such confrontation is necessary if the church is to become healthy once again.

One unfortunate reality is that the pastor is not usually the one to lead such confrontation.  Too many times I have seen the pastor try to stand up to the controllers only to find himself or herself unemployed.  Church folks are great about telling the pastor how they will back them up in any such confrontation, but often they are so far back they are invisible.  It is the congregation itself that must stand up to the controllers if they are to be stopped, and, bluntly speaking, if they are unwilling to do that then they deserve the church they have.

Controllers are destroying their churches, driving pastors out of the ministry, and keeping unchurched people from hearing the gospel because of their insatiable desire for power.  Many of those unchurched are the children of the congregation who are turned off by what they see occurring in the church.  As I ask in the book mentioned above, you have decide who you love more: the controllers or your own teenagers?  Once you answer that question then you can answer my other question: "What are you going to do about it?"