Building relationships

Successful ministry, especially in smaller churches, is directly related to the relationships the pastor has with his or her people.  I find many pastors today unwilling or unable to develop healthy relationships with members of their congregation.  Churches often tell me their pastor is unwilling to visit people in the hospitals, nursing homes, or even in their homes.  Too many ministers, even in smaller churches, sometimes get caught up in a CEO mentality and forget that they are called to be a shepherd to their people.  Just this week a church member told me their pastor was asked three times to visit an individual in the church who had been quite ill for an extended time.  He finally, reluctantly, I'm told, made the visit.

As I have shared elsewhere, it took me seven years to earn the trust of my church that allowed me to become a leader in that church.  This was due to many factors, not the least of which was that their average pastoral tenure for many years before me was 12 months.  The church had been conditioned to believe that the pastor would not be there long so there was no reason to really get acquainted or develop much of a relationship.  But, I stayed, and I worked hard to build good relationships with people.  I let them know my heart, and even when they might disagree with me about something they knew that everything I tried to do was out of a deep passion for that church and its people.  A series of events at my seven year anniversary at the church indicated that I had finally earned the trust of the congregation, and our ministry there began to flourish at that point.

As bivocational pastors we share a common struggle with time issues, but one of our priorities must be relationship-building.  Even a mediocre pulpit ministry can be accepted in a church when the people knows the pastor loves them and is available to them.  That availability doesn't have to be 24/7 either.  Your people are smart enough to make allowances for your other work, especially when you have proven to them that you will be there for them as soon as possible.

I do not believe that seminaries stress enough the importance of relationships in the church.  Too many of them continue to teach a professionalism that stresses keeping distance between the pastor and the congregation.  That may be one reason so many pastors leave ministry within five years after graduating from seminary.  Building relationships is key to a healthy, successful ministry.