The family church

A common description of the small churches many bivocational ministers serve is that they are family churches.  This can mean at least a couple of things.  One, that most of the members of the church are related.  I know one church that has 75% of the church related either by blood or marriage.  I am aware of another church in which all the leadership come from one family.  A former pastor used to think how quaint it was that they all met at Granny's house for dinner before the church business meeting until he found out the business meeting actually occurred at Granny's house.  They only came to the church building later to make the business meeting official, but all the decisions had been made earlier around the dinner table.

The second meaning of a family church is that the church operates like a family.  Everyone knows one another, the church is pretty informal, and people genuinely enjoy being around each other.  This is the type of church in which I was raised and served as a pastor.  There are a number of benefits associated with being in a family church, but there are also some challenges.  Let's look at some of those challenges.

If many of the people in a church are related to one another, problems in the family will spill out into the church as well.  I know of a church where many of the members came out of one family, and a division in that family created another division in the church.  It was a very challenging time for the pastor because he was trying to help a family heal, and the church couldn't be healthy until the family became healthy.

New people can feel shut out of a family church, and you might attend such a church for years and still be considered a new person!  You don't join a family church; you have to be adopted into the family.  This includes the pastor, and until he or she is adopted into the family, the pastor will not really be able to exercise any leadership in the church.  In order for adoption to occur it is often necessary for the patriarch or matriarch of the church to present you for adoption.  Until he or she accepts the new member or minister, they will remain on the outside.

Relationships are everything in the family church.  As a judicatory leader I see a lot of promising young pastors who have learned a lot about exegeting Scripture and developing programs, but they aren't very good at relationship building.  You can't pastor a family church from the church office.  You need to be in the homes, fields, barns, and workplaces of your members.  You have to attend the youth ball games, school fairs, and county fairs.  It doesn't hurt to eat lunch in the local diners occasionally.  I recently had lunch with a small church pastor in a local diner, and everyone there knew him.  I'm not surprised he is so successful as a family church pastor.

Everything that is proposed in the family church will be filtered through relationships.  One of the first questions people have for any suggested change is how it will affect the current relationships that exist in the church.  If those relationships are threatened it is highly unlikely the change will be approved.  This is one reason some of these churches are highly resistent to change.

I love the family church.  Like the bar on Cheers it is a place where everyone knows your name.  It is a place where you can love and be loved, and where you are more than an entry on a computer.  It is a place where you can use your gifts and talents.  But, it is also a place with some unique challenges.  Understanding those challenges and working around them can allow you to enjoy a very successful ministry in the family church.