Believing in the dark

In the past few days I have spoken with a pastor whose wife has filed for divorce, a pastor who is in great despair over the church he is serving and needs to leave, and another minister diagnosed with cancer. Each of these feels a certain darkness in their lives. I, too, feel that darkness due to some personal issues currently going on in my life. We've all been there, and if you haven't you just haven't lived long enough. The dark night of the soul comes into every life at various times, and these dark times can be a challenge to your very faith.

It's not that you doubt the existence of God or that He can intervene in your situation, at least in your mind. But in your heart you may wonder where He is and why this is happening to you. Life isn't supposed to work this way; these things shouldn't happen to you. You cry out to God and wonder why He doesn't seem to respond. Perhaps He doesn't even hear. Doubts begin to overwhelm your thinking. The recent CD from Pastor to Pastor covered "Nagging Doubts." The ministers interviewed on this CD all admitted to having these kinds of doubts, and they stressed that we all experience them from time to time.

At times like these we need to fall back to the basics. We need to spend some time reflecting on our core values, those things we stand on when everything around us seems to be collapsing. My core value is Jesus' promise, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." When I am in my dark times of the soul I continue playing that promise over and over again in my mind. It helps remind me what I truly believe about God. I must admit there are times when I wonder if Christ has in fact abandoned me, and I need that tape running through my mind to remind myself that even when I cannot see Him that doesn't mean He's not there.

I spend more time listening to Christian music. When some people are going through difficult times they want silence, but I need to listen to music and allow the songs to wash over me. I normally listen to certain artists during these times as their music seems to minister more to me than others.

Like many others, in dark times I pray more even if I am not certain at the time that God is hearing my prayers. I know God always hears our prayers, but during the dark times we can wonder if God is really hearing our prayers since we can't see any immediate action on His part. Difficulties force me out of my prayer ruts and force me to get more real in my prayers, and I imagine many of my readers would say the same thing happens to them.

Finally, I begin to look for the light that tells me I am coming to the end of this trial. Sometimes that light may look real dim, but even a dim light can give us a sense of hope that we will survive this challenge. John Maxwell says where there is hope for the future there is power in the present, and I find that so true.

Many years ago I went through a time when I was diagnosed as being clinically depressed. For a year I functioned in a dark mist that surrounded everything I did. During that time I took medication and saw a Christian pastoral counselor on a weekly basis, and by the end of the year I was well. I have no doubt the medicine and the counseling helped, but perhaps the thing that helped me most was reading a book by another minister who had been so severely depressed that he had to be hospitalized. He wrote that when he entered the hospital a nurse looked at him and said, "You will get better." That gave him the dim light he needed, and those words remained with me during my year long battle.

If you are going through a dark time in your life right now let me encourage you to remember these words as well. You will get better. Your situation will change for the good, and you will get through this. God has not abandoned you, and He is working in your life in ways that you may not be able to see. Your victory may not come as soon as you would like. I know I wish my own personal situation was resolved already, but I keep reminding myself that God has not abandoned us and that He will bring us through.

Let me close with this. Sometimes a minister is made to feel that something is wrong with him or her if they go through such dark times in their lives. Where do you think such feelings come from? The enemy seeks to compound our difficulties by seeking to add guilt to the issues we are battling. Having doubts during difficult times isn't sin; it is very human. Do not let the devil add to your problems by making you feel like you don't measure up as a Christian or a minister because you are struggling with faith issues. Don't listen to him. Instead turn towards Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, and look to Him for sustenance. He has brought me through every dark time in my life; I know He will bring me through this one; and I know He will bring you through your current challenges. I pray His blessings on you now.