My wife and I spent the past weekend visiting our son and his family near Philadelphia. I often tease Faye by telling people she has to get her "Granny" fix every once in a while, but I admit that I miss being with our children and grandchildren as well. Our daughter and her family live two hours away, and our son and his family are ten hours away. My wife and I both still work, so it's hard to spend nearly enough time with them. Those times we are with them are special times that we always look forward to.
During my pastorate at Hebron Baptist Church I tried to make our family a major priority in my life. Although I worked full-time in a factory, pastored a bivocational church, and attended school during much of my ministry, I tried very hard to not neglect my family. I often said if I became the pastor of one of the largest churches in the country and lost my own family I would have failed as a parent and as a minister. I've seen too many ministers sacrifice their families on the altar of ministerial success, and I vowed to never do that. As I tell church leaders in one of the workshops I lead, your church has had many pastors before you, and if the Lord tarries, it will have many pastors follow you, but you are the only spouse your mate has and you are the only father or mother your children will have. Your family must be a major priority to you regardless of what else is going on in your life.
Something is tragically wrong when a minister uses his or her call to ministry as an excuse to neglect family responsibilities. I suppose it can be something of a let down when the minister returns home from his or her church office. At the office the pastor may be referred to as Dr. So-and-so or Rev. So-and-so and treated with respect and dignity. Then when the esteemed pastor arrives at home he or she finds that it is their turn to give the dog a bath or the commode needs to be unplugged. All the degrees in the world isn't going to unplug that toilet!
It's also tougher to deal with issues that exist in your own family than to address the same ones in other families. We might have all the answers to the questions others may bring to us, but when it's our children that have messed up those answers may not seem so satisfying. You may be able to give five ways to return the spark in other people's marriages, but wonder how to renew the spark in your own.
I have often said that of all the many things I've done in my life nothing has been tougher than being a husband to my wife and a father to our children. Not because they were hard to love, but because it requires me to put their needs above my own every single day. That is a decision that has to be made every day, and sometimes many times a day. I would rather be selfish and have them meet my needs, but that is not how one loves and serves another, and that is what we are called to do...love and serve our families. Is it tough? Yes, but it's worth it.
It's worth it when you spend time with your grown children and see them serving their families the same way. It's worth it when you see them trying to raise their children to have the same moral and ethical standards that you tried to teach them as children. It's worth it when you hang up the phone or get ready to leave after a visit and hear them say, "I love you." It's worth it when you realize that despite the many mistakes you made while raising your children, they came out all right and are now attempting to do the best they can for their own children.
It was a good visit this weekend.
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